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No support from husband just want to give up.

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Old 01-16-2013, 08:31 PM   #1
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Default No support from husband just want to give up.

I am trying to lose some weight. In July my family is taking a trip to Disney World and I would like to lose enough weight to be able to walk around and have fun, and not be miserable. I was down to 217 lbs, but my dad passed away in November and I gained some weight. (My diet wasn't important to me at that time) So I have decided to go back on my diet, and I have been doing great writing down calories watching everything I eat, no regular pop. Last night I had to run into the store to pick up a few things for my toddler and I ended up grabbing some shortbread cookies. I was good and careful tho, I only had 3 (which was 1 serving) and I wrote down the calories. But when my husband saw that I had them he got mad and said "Theres no reason I should be buying cookies and he didn't want to hear how I was trying to lose weight, if I was eating that junk." I went to my moms for Christmas (he chose not to go) but I needed to be with my family after losing dad. He told me I needed to remember that just because there was food there that I didn't have to eat all of it. He weighs 150 lbs, but I have never been thin, and I know he has always had issues with my weight. But when he says that I just want to give up. I am just wanting to go home tonight and eat cookies. I get so frustrated..

Sorry just wanted to vent, anyone else deal with unsupportive spouses? Do you ever just want to give up?
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Old 01-16-2013, 08:38 PM   #2
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I don't think unsupportive is the word for it. I am not sure what word is suitable here, but it looks like he is actually tryng to support you but doesn't know how to do it.He doesn't seem to be trying to stop you from dieting. Is there any way you can diet without talking about it ? I would try to not talk about dieting at all to him, that will cut down on some of his comments.
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Old 01-16-2013, 08:46 PM   #3
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I have to agree with Bargoo - Sounds to me like you are insecure and he's not good at saying things in an insecure way. Next time explain, "I know cookies aren't the best choice, but I accounted for them in my totals for the day."

I know for me, I had to tell my husband to back off when we were first married. Sure I gained more, but I told him that I didn't want to get to hiding food as that would make the problem even worse (sneaking foods). And we both learned - he likes his wine - he would rather not eat a cookie to have his wine. I would rather give up the wine to have a bit of chocolate here and there, and so on. WE ALL have our vices, it's just learning how to control them.

But relationships are about communicating - seems the two of you could work on that one a bit so that you grow together and not apart.
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Old 01-16-2013, 08:49 PM   #4
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Your husband is being very unsupportive. Hugs

Don't give up, you can still make your goal in time for Disney. Be strong!!!
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Old 01-16-2013, 09:55 PM   #5
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I'm sorry. I know what you mean. Some people who have never had weight problems have trouble understanding.
You know that saying, Good, Better, Best? It's hard to jump straight to Best. Maybe he'll get that.
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Old 01-16-2013, 09:57 PM   #6
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Old 01-16-2013, 10:05 PM   #7
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It's good to have a safe place to vent isn't it!

First I'm very sorry about the loss of your Dad that is a very huge point in one's life and it sure can derail your diet plans. But you are back on plan now and that is great, and focusing on how much better you will feel on your vacation.

Real sorry about what your husband said, as the others said maybe he isn't so tactful about choosing better words to support you. I say DON'T give up!!
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Old 01-16-2013, 10:15 PM   #8
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I'm so sorry to hear about your father's passing. That must have been so difficult. Please do hang in there. I think your hubby wasn't being unsupportive as much as being tactless, which is common with men. Sounds like he is frustrated by your weight, but that is HIS problem, not yours. YOUR goal is to be healthy for YOU. I am encouraged by the discipline you showed eating only 3 cookies. I can't keep any sweets in the house or they become my dinner. So, I don't have them around.

Keep in mind that planning and moderation will help you stay on track. Eyes on the prize! Don't give up on YOU! Best of luck to you.
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Old 01-16-2013, 10:28 PM   #9
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It sounds like you need to have a leveling conversation with your hubby and set some boundaries. It's not his job to monitor what you eat. Maybe if you can give him some clear 'jobs' to help you (ie, don't suggest going out for pizza, be a workout partner, keep your mind off the food table at parties etc), and some areas that you need him to leave you alone on, you can get him to give you the support you'd like. When you see someone you love doing something over and over that you feel is very bad for them and making them unhappy and unhealthy, it can be an incredibly frustrating experience. Most men are not that great at being sensitive and thoughtful to begin with, so the frustration combined with ignorance makes for an ugly combination.
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Old 01-16-2013, 10:56 PM   #10
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This is my guy to a tee. He really thinks he's helping but he makes my want to cry sometimes.

Skinny people, especially men, tend to see dieting in absolutes. So those cookies to your man equalled possible failure. And chances are he's ultra sensitive to anything that might upset you- like failing at weight loss, because he saw what you went through emotionally losing your dad. I guess what I'm saying is, he's coming from a place of love.

I'm sorry about your dad. I've lost mine as well, and I think it's amazing that you're strong enough to take charge of your health right now. That speaks volumes about your strength of character.
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:07 AM   #11
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I agree with everything bargoo had to say! And honestly, does it matter what he says? No, the fact is, you want to lose weight for yourself, not for him, and you can do this! Just keep on doing what your doing!!!
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:15 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys View Post
I have to agree with Bargoo - Sounds to me like you are insecure and he's not good at saying things in an insecure way. Next time explain, "I know cookies aren't the best choice, but I accounted for them in my totals for the day."

I know for me, I had to tell my husband to back off when we were first married. Sure I gained more, but I told him that I didn't want to get to hiding food as that would make the problem even worse (sneaking foods). And we both learned - he likes his wine - he would rather not eat a cookie to have his wine. I would rather give up the wine to have a bit of chocolate here and there, and so on. WE ALL have our vices, it's just learning how to control them.

But relationships are about communicating - seems the two of you could work on that one a bit so that you grow together and not apart.
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:56 AM   #13
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I'm sorry for the loss of your father. It must have been a very difficult experience to go through.

Regarding your husband, I agree with with berryblonde that it sounds like he's trying to help in a man way. I would try telling him in the most specific way possible what you need in the way of support. Maybe a gentle reminder, or help preparing healthy meals or just a hug and a reminder that you're beautiful. Don't leave anything to interpretation.

If that does not work, you may need to make your food, weight and decisions regarding them are off limits for discussion.
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Old 01-17-2013, 10:41 AM   #14
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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. That's so difficult to bear.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. He had weight loss surgery years ago, then a correction to it that made him deathly ill for almost the first year of our relationship. I cared for him daily, sometimes twice daily. Then we moved in together. Since he has a tiny tummy, he can eat from the spectrum of deliciousness and be able to stop, physically (mentally he doesn't always want to, but different topic). So we have treats in the house that he craves. I tell him when I'm trying to make healthy choices, and for the most part he is supportive (eating his bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup and chocolate chips all over it) while I have my Skinny Cow ice cream bar. But he doesn't shove things in my face or anything. It is hard at times. I ask that when we go eat somewhere it is a place where it's possible to make a healthy choice. Which doesn't always happen.

But ultimately, it's our decision to be healthy or not. There are a million temptations every single day, and when it comes down to it... we choose what goes into our mouth. My bf told me that, as well. It was pretty profound, although he was being a smarta**... but after I thought about it, it's true. We choose what we put into our mouths and how long we sit on our behinds every day. I can shnozz on ice cream and chips all evening in front of the sofa, or I can have a piece of fruit and walk around the block.

But, support is nice. And needed. We aren't invisible and neither should our needs and desires be invisible. So our health choices are not vacant and unwarranted, and maybe the best thing to do (as I give myself advice about this at the same time) is to sit down with our mates and explain how we feel when certain comments are made. And explain what we feel a good support would be from them...
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:18 PM   #15
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If anything those words would motivate me even more! I would be like "I'm gonna show this *&^%$@** that I can lose weight even if I eat the whole thing of cookies" (twinkly diet anyone?)

It seems to me like (and please don't get offended) that maybe you are just not ready or fully committed to lose the weight and are looking for an excuse, if that's not the case at all, please forgive me.

At the end of the day is calories in vs calories out, if you want to eat a burger and cookies and still be below 1500 that's your choice to make. Just ignore his comments and keep moving forward, you will find plenty of people to discourage you and tell you mean things along the way... might as well get used to it
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