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I'm not where I want to be (mid way blues)

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Old 01-15-2013, 11:17 AM   #1
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Default I'm not where I want to be (mid way blues)

Bear with me as I ramble....

I've hit a wall. Not a scale wall (although mother nature's lead foot is resting on that this week), but a mental one. Maybe it's not a wall at all, maybe it's a little more clarity than I'm used to.

The first inklings of this journey started this July. I was out on the east coast with friends for a friend's wedding. We drove. Every inch of me was swollen the entire time. My feet hurt. I couldn't keep up. It was a good thing I brought along two dresses for the ceremony, because the first one didn't fit. All we did was eat while we were there and my stretchy pants were even tighter by the time we headed home. I was embarrassed that I couldn't keep up. I'm sure my one guy friend stayed back from the obstacle course out of pity for me, not because it "wasn't his thing" After all, what single 27 year old guy wants to cruise around Moncton with a 450lb fat friend? On the way home, at a rest stop somewhere in New York State, I bought a 2X woman's hoodie as my souvenir. I was going to change when I got home. And I was going to wear that hoodie for Christmas.

I changed when I got home. And I started to lose. But I didn't fit into that hoodie at Christmas. I didn't automatically look fantastic either. I was supposed to go to Mexico in February. I'm glad that got called off, because I'm nowhere near ready. I have a wedding in June, one in July and one in October. The June one is pretty much my 10 year high school reunion, not to mention one I was rejected as a bridesmaid for because "finding you a dress would be a nightmare". The July one is a family one. I'm afraid to pick dresses or plan or even go, because up until now, my goals have been entirely unrealistic, and for some reason I can't wrap my emotions around anything less than perfection, which of course I know won't happen. I'm not going to be automatically drop dead gorgeous at a lower weight. It's not going to fix my relationship or make me happier. But for some reason, I'm clinging to vain and impractical reasons for weight loss, instead of some very valid ones, like my health (or the basic ability to make it up the two flights of stairs to my condo). I'm smarter than this. I know my self esteem can't be completely tied up in my weight. But yet, I"m still here.

I'm also standing on a precipice with my habits. I started out gung ho, following my plan to the "t", but I'm slipping, and I know it. Little cheats like a spoonful of bf's mashed potatoes. Or an extra babybel (or two) when I'm in the kitchen. I snack all night and I shouldn't be. I didn't need that whole glass of gingerale to settle my stomach. I clearly haven't "fixed" my problem with food.

For some reason, I feel like I'm this close to falling off the wagon, and I'm so discouraged about my lofty goals that now I feel like I have none. Has any one else hit this funk? How do you break out of it without derailing?
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:26 AM   #2
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OH hun.. I am so sorry your feeling like this. I have been there because I have quite many times and fallon off the wagon. I honestly don't have much advice to give you because for me I fell off the wagon gained my weight back and here I am again. This time I just decided I have to make the choice to do this and do it now. Doesn't mean it will go perfectly, but we need to accept ourselves, and love ourselves because fat or not fat we are still human beings and deserve everything everyone else does. Please know that you are so beautiful and you deserve this!! You have done so great and I know you can continue to do great!! And your worth it. Noone does it perfectly!!

xoxo hugs!
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:39 AM   #3
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Think about yourself in that car. Nothing was right there. You were uncomfortable, swollen, embarrassed, etc. Your body was giving you signs of how unhealthy you had become. Your mind, too, was letting you know. Please don't give up and really try to plan your meals. This will help you (you've already come so far!!!). Good luck to you, and keep up the great work
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:44 AM   #4
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I know the feeling too, I've been there so many times.

The only advice I could give would be to set yourself smaller goals. Instead of thinking "By June I want to be..." try thinking "this time next week I want to be..." - that way you get to celebrate your mini victory which always boosts the confidence and helps motivate you for the next one! It can also help to keep you on track and show how much damage the "cheating" is doing. That's what helps me anyway, I find that if a goal is too big or too far away then I feel too frustrated to keep striving for it whereas breaking it down seems more manageable and keeps me on track.

Good luck!
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:45 AM   #5
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I'm right there with you sister. I put off starting my diet more times than I can count because I kept telling myself that it would take at least one year to get off the majority of my weight. So if it was going to take a year...what was one more day of putting it off. I kept putting it off and putting it off and then I looked up and 7 years had passed.

You have come SO far. You are awesome for accomplishing what you've already accomplished. And you keep getting closer and closer to your goals each day. Doesn't the time feel like it's flying by? I was so looking forward to Christmas this year and the holidays are already over and we're well into January. Time flies so just keep pushing forward.

Motivation is one of those things that comes and goes. Some days you're feeling fired up and some days you're not. They key is to wake up every morning and renew your commitment to living well. You know exactly what you need to do to accomplish your goals...so do it...whether you feel like it or not. Can you imagine how you'd feel if you were starting from scratch right now? Be thankful that you've accomplished so much so far and let that help you push on.

You can do it...you are doing it!
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:46 AM   #6
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It's hard to stay focused for so long, I understand because that's my major issue. I should be much farther along than I am now. Maybe your goals were a little lofty. We didn't get fat overnight, it takes time to come off. Even though you're not where you hoped to be, you are not where you once were.

You've had amazing losses and your brain probably isn't keeping up and still sees you as 450 pounds. You're not anymore! Stay the course and you will be much happier you did. You DO look fantastic, I can see such a transformation in your avatar. It's easy to give up but NOT worth it!
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:49 AM   #7
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Maybe it's not you that has the problem. Maybe it's your diet. Maybe you've set yourself up to fail with not allowing yourself that spoonful of potatoes? That glass of gingerale? Or that extra babybel.

Perhaps it's time to not change your perceptions of yourself, but your diet. Paleo/Primal may not be completely for you, but you can take things about it you like and incorporate it into something like calorie counting (which is easy) and let yourself have things that make you happy while being on plan.

I know if I felt guilty about things like that, I would have broken a long time ago.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:56 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nomorejellybeans View Post
Think about yourself in that car. Nothing was right there.
That's a very powerful image and an excellent kick in the butt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by owlsteazombies View Post
Maybe it's not you that has the problem. Maybe it's your diet. Maybe you've set yourself up to fail with not allowing yourself that spoonful of potatoes? That glass of gingerale? Or that extra babybel.

Perhaps it's time to not change your perceptions of yourself, but your diet. Paleo/Primal may not be completely for you, but you can take things about it you like and incorporate it into something like calorie counting (which is easy) and let yourself have things that make you happy while being on plan.

I know if I felt guilty about things like that, I would have broken a long time ago.
Very good point, although I thought I had massaged the diet pretty well. I steal from paleo/primal, weight watchers etc. I am keeping my calories pretty low. But I never feel the urge to cheat really, it's more the matter of mindlessly eating. But maybe I will sit down and look at what I could change to make it easier.

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. I know it probably sounded a little whiny, but I don't get the opportunity to verbalize these thoughts, because I'm not around anyone in the same boat. So I come here and you awesome people whip me right back on track!
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:56 AM   #9
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I know what you mean about little cheats, and falling off the wagon. I was having feelings of impending doom about approaching the diet cliff myself.

Perhaps I may have averted the fall, just for now. I stayed glued to 3FC, I read my diet books and talked to myself a lot. I kept weighing everyday and I have pretty much finished off the the holiday goodies. I think I might be back on track now. I can't tell you what a relief and a joy this little victory is.

I am probably 40 years older than you are and I have failed to avoid the "cliff" numerous times, so I am not just tossing off a simplistic solution for you. I don't know exactly what it was that allowed me to get back on track this time, or how long it will last. I am just saying that if you can get a grip, you will feel wonderful. I have lost what I gained over the holidays and am back to about 1/32 of a pound lighter than my previous low, but who's counting? LOL. It is sort of a non-scale victory.

You need to do this. I read your posts about your father and his early death due to obesity. You don't want that for you. I don't have as much weight to loose as you do, but my family is full of women who died of heart disease and I am getting to the age where that kicks in. I already have pretty high blood pressure. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. [/pep talk to both of us]
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:00 PM   #10
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And don't worry about sounding whiny, isn't that why we're all here to support you for? I hope you feel better about your journey soon!
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:02 PM   #11
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You've done incredible work so far--do you give yourself enough credit for that? Do you find it's already easier to get around?

Unfortunately, it isn't easy to lose weight and it isn't fair that some of us have to watch what we eat and others don't seem to. (Although they probably do more than we notice.) And it isn't fair it takes so long and it's so much work!

A funk is perfectly normal--you've been make sacrifices, you'll have to keep making sacrifices to lose more and keep making sacrifices to maintain that weight. And it's not happening as fast as you want it to, even if it is happening at a measurable rate.

I've been reading Beck's Diet Solution (How to Train Your Mind to Think Like a Thin Person). One of the things she tells us to do is write down the advantages of being at your desired weight/thin. Read that twice a day, thinking about how important each of those things are to you. (I really recommend her book--and I'm only a week or so in to it--it's a daily activity workbook.)

You've lost 1/3 of your goal--that's HUGE. You've done it in less than 7 months. That's HUGE, too. Give yourself credit for all you've done. There's a tremendous change in your face. I'm sure there's a tremendous change in your body, too, but you aren't giving yourself credit for it because you're not done. And you're not done--you're on a journey. And even if you've derailed a little bit, you can get back on that journey. A little detour doesn't mean you have to stop and stay at the detour.

And if you're a little upset with your friend who didn't put you in the wedding party because of your weight, IMO, you have reason to be hurt. My BFF is a 4x/5x. So when I got married 6 years ago, we found her dress first, since it was the hardest one to find. Your friend prioritized a dress selection--and that's hurtful.

Those are my ramblings for now. If you're interested in Beck, pick up the book--it's based on a cognitive behavior therapy, applied to weight loss and weight management.

You've been doing this--you can keep doing it.

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Old 01-15-2013, 12:13 PM   #12
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It is hard to stay in the mental side of the game. I will also say, no one gets morbidly obese without serious food issues. It's not just about eating a bit too much at Christmas. It's obvious we use food for something other than nutritional purposes. THAT needs to be fixed/healed so that you don't regain.

WHen you find yourself mindlessly eating - ask yourself WHY? We all have different reasons. It took me years to figure out my reasons and it wasn't one simple "ah-hah!"

My issues were:

lack of self-confidence
not liking attention drawn to myself (so hiding in fat)
lack of sleep
eating when it was socially acceptable to eat and not following body's needs
not realizing I was highly carb senstive


And I'm sure I forgot some. I didn't get to 275 by just overeating. That would have gotten me 20-40 pounds overweight. Now over 100 pounds over weight.

So.... journal, blog, something to learn about yourself and what it is about food and your life that got you to where you were and learn from it so you never have to go back there.
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:22 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bethFromDayton View Post
You've done incredible work so far--do you give yourself enough credit for that? Do you find it's already easier to get around?

Unfortunately, it isn't easy to lose weight and it isn't fair that some of us have to watch what we eat and others don't seem to. (Although they probably do more than we notice.) And it isn't fair it takes so long and it's so much work!

A funk is perfectly normal--you've been make sacrifices, you'll have to keep making sacrifices to lose more and keep making sacrifices to maintain that weight. And it's not happening as fast as you want it to, even if it is happening at a measurable rate.

I've been reading Beck's Diet Solution (How to Train Your Mind to Think Like a Thin Person). One of the things she tells us to do is write down the advantages of being at your desired weight/thin. Read that twice a day, thinking about how important each of those things are to you. (I really recommend her book--and I'm only a week or so in to it--it's a daily activity workbook.)

You've lost 1/3 of your goal--that's HUGE. You've done it in less than 7 months. That's HUGE, too. Give yourself credit for all you've done. There's a tremendous change in your face. I'm sure there's a tremendous change in your body, too, but you aren't giving yourself credit for it because you're not done. And you're not done--you're on a journey. And even if you've derailed a little bit, you can get back on that journey. A little detour doesn't mean you have to stop and stay at the detour.

And if you're a little upset with your friend who didn't put you in the wedding party because of your weight, IMO, you have reason to be hurt. My BFF is a 4x/5x. So when I got married 6 years ago, we found her dress first, since it was the hardest one to find. Your friend prioritized a dress selection--and that's hurtful.

Those are my ramblings for now. If you're interested in Beck, pick up the book--it's based on a cognitive behavior therapy, applied to weight loss and weight management.

You've been doing this--you can keep doing it.
Thank you. And yes, I am going to look for the book, it sounds exactly like what I need. I do get around better. My big nsv for the week is I can sit with one leg crossed over the other. I'm no longer scrambling for clothes because I'm in the last size the store carries. I can bend over at the waist and still breathe! I have to remember these things. As for that bride, it was pretty hurtful. And I think I'm still mad enough to keep going and show up in something focus stealing (I wouldn't of course even if I could, but what nice revenge fantasy )

Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys View Post
It is hard to stay in the mental side of the game. I will also say, no one gets morbidly obese without serious food issues. It's not just about eating a bit too much at Christmas. It's obvious we use food for something other than nutritional purposes. THAT needs to be fixed/healed so that you don't regain.
Exactly. Worded perfectly. I think that's why I've been so successful this time, because I understand it isn't about a dress size, and it's not a temporary thing where I eat carrot sticks for six months and then go back to the burgers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gailr42 View Post
I know what you mean about little cheats, and falling off the wagon. I was having feelings of impending doom about approaching the diet cliff myself.

Perhaps I may have averted the fall, just for now. I stayed glued to 3FC, I read my diet books and talked to myself a lot. I kept weighing everyday and I have pretty much finished off the the holiday goodies. I think I might be back on track now. I can't tell you what a relief and a joy this little victory is.

I am probably 40 years older than you are and I have failed to avoid the "cliff" numerous times, so I am not just tossing off a simplistic solution for you. I don't know exactly what it was that allowed me to get back on track this time, or how long it will last. I am just saying that if you can get a grip, you will feel wonderful. I have lost what I gained over the holidays and am back to about 1/32 of a pound lighter than my previous low, but who's counting? LOL. It is sort of a non-scale victory.

You need to do this. I read your posts about your father and his early death due to obesity. You don't want that for you. I don't have as much weight to loose as you do, but my family is full of women who died of heart disease and I am getting to the age where that kicks in. I already have pretty high blood pressure. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. [/pep talk to both of us]
You're very right, and I think part of the reason I'm kicking my own *** today is that I know that mentally it should be enough of a motivator, but I'm a human.
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Old 01-15-2013, 01:01 PM   #14
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I am going to try an Overeater Anonymous meeting on Saturday. Did you ever consider trying it?
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Old 01-15-2013, 01:04 PM   #15
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I posted earlier today on another thread about how I feel physically after being back on plan just over a week. I can already feel a difference in terms of having more energy, sleeping better, not having heartburn/reflux every night. You've been at this for long enough that you may not clearly remember how much of a physical difference there is - not just the weight loss but all the rest of the things that come with eating better and being more active.

So far, I haven't ever lasted more than I think 9 months without derailing. It gets tedious and boring and I get sick and tired of having to think so much about food and eating. But this time, I really want to focus on changing my life and remembering about feeling physically better regardless of how much I weigh even when I start to think I don't care about losing weight any more.
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