I don't think you're being whiny at all. I think you're right to get these thoughts out rather than letting them fester, you know? It is so hard to balance one's mental images and fantasies and more realistic goals, and I think that we need to have both rolling around in there to make it through. Then you can start separating out the pieces that you are concerned about that you CAN tackle, and working out ways to remind yourself of how awesome you've done.

Heh. Right now I have my total weight loss written on a white board on my fridge. Just, "I have lost X pounds." I also have gotten rid of most things that I eat 'mindlessly' at home, but that is harder with a boyfriend around who isn't eating like you. If you are eating super-low calorie I agree that maybe you need those extra calories sometimes, but I understand why the 'mindlessness' of that consumption bothers you.

And I know the exact feeling of having come so far, but still having so far to go! Uhm, I was telling myself that I was a damn superhero for a wee while, since most people NEVER do this, until I heard an interview with someone who was bipolar who said that when manic, she always felt like a superhero. Hah.

But honestly, I like that: I am a damn superhero w/ridiculously flabby arms who is taking back her body for herself. And who sometimes eats cookie (just one, sometimes 1/4 of one), too.

See, I think this is also really important - that you are willing to tweak your choices to fit your lifestyle and how you physically feel. Keep listening to your body. I personally don't use the term 'cheat' since I am working to make this something lifelong, right? But if thinking about your diet strictly helps you, then keep using it. Again, so much harder to handle with a significant other around who isn't on the same plan as you. So you get even more superhero points.

*hugs radiojane* :hug:

I don't have a lot of advice for you, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I wake up some days wishing I wasn't on a diet and dealing with all that it entails.

I will say, your posts are so inspiring to me and so helpful here. I look forward to reading them, both for your sense of humor and for the honesty in them.

I can tell you are a special person and I am glad you posted this here today (not glad you are having issues, just that you again were honest in your post). I hope you find peace soon and feel better.

You've made amazing progress, I hope we can help you continue. *more hugs* :hug:

It's shocking to me that you would be at all discouraged by your results thus far. They seem pretty amazing to me by any standard. I don't know what your current before/after pictures look like but your avatar is night and day different.

One thing you may want to consider if you're not already doing it is a solid exercise program. For many people, a good hard workout is great motivation to stay on their eating plan. As in, I worked really hard at the gym and I don't want to screw that up by mindlessly eating.

Also, be aware of your personal feelings towards food. Generally speaking - there are people who can have a nibble of something and be satisfied while others are better off not touching it. As in, does one cookie turn into 8 cookies or can you stick with 1? The mindless eating you mention at night may be easier to avoid if you don't take that first bite.

You know, I haven't "fixed" my problem with food either. I don't think I ever will to be honest, I'm just learning to live with it over time through coping and adapting. I think I'll always have to be extra vigilant, extra cautious, and extra controlling about what and how I eat, in fact I posted a thread not too long ago about the meltdown I had over some chocolates my husband and I were given at Christmas. But it's better than the alternative of forever gaining!

Progress is progress is progress. You've made so much already! :) But I also totally get where you're coming from. I was in that place for the longest time . . . I'd made a ton of progress, but felt stuck: it didn't feel like losing my first 80 pounds or so made one lick of difference when so much hard work had apparently made me only a little less fat. But it hindsight it most definitely did. I was regaining my freedom! When I started I could barely walk from one end of the room to the other. I had to make myself stop and realize that it was easier to breathe, easier to walk, easier to bend, and easier to find clothes that fit. It was also that much closer to my goal. :) But knowing that my waist was still too big for my measuring tape . . . that was hard. It felt like it would never go down and I continued to struggle for a long time.

The drive to perfection will drive you crazy . . . I know from experience. I wish I had some advice on that. I managed to lose another 40-50 pounds before breaking. The end of last year was a stressful season of family issues, my first pregnancy, and a huge regain. It felt like all my hard work was unraveling and I was out of control again with my food for the first time in years. And exactly one year ago today my whole world came crashing down: the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. :( I think I just sort of woke up about a month later and decided that I was going to do the very best I could from then on, although it took almost another month to put my foot down and start on the actual changes. I've worked so hard since then! I don't always follow my plan perfectly, and even when I do I don't always lose weight for the week. I have to forgive myself a lot and continue on the promise I've made of not giving up. Because I can't let the stress dictate how I handle my food choices. I need a healthier body to live in; it's the only one I've got after all.

I think the hardest part is staying consistent long enough to see your efforts pay off, and giving your brain a chance to catch up with all the changes your body is going through. But it isn't so bad if you mainly focus on what you can do each day, every day. That's what I try to do through my food journal. I still have a lot of bad days, but I'm in a much better place than I was one year ago, and I'm especially in a much better place than I was at my highest weight. My waist is slowly going down (it's no longer too big for my measuring tape!) and the better habits come more easily over time. I take a lot of photos to compare because the mirror constantly lies to me. I can't always tell what I've lost. I can't typically see the changes. But if I stop trying so hard to pick myself apart, I can feel those changes. Sometimes I can find clothes from a regular, non plus size store, something completely unheard of from someone that was once too big to buy jeans at the plus size store. I know that I can actually keep up with my husband now if we walk somewhere and can even break into a jog if I need to. I can climb stairs without the fear of being hospitalized over an asthma attack like I had in the past. I can pick stuff up from off the floor, and even sit on the floor without worrying about how I'm going to get myself back up. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll fit in a restaurant booth anymore. All of these changes are huge for me, yet easily forgotten when I'm feeling my worst. Don't forget how far you've already come, and that there's more accomplishments just around the corner!

I know I still have a long ways to go, but I've come a long way. You've certainly come a long way yourself, and there's no reason you can't keep going! :D You'll get to wear that 2X hoodie someday! :hug: And that will only be the tip of the iceberg by the time you get there. ;)

I highly recommend, along with BethFromDayton, that you read The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. (check it out from a library if you need to - i did that and renewed it a few times before buying my copy) - it's not a diet, but teaches you cognitive behavior therapy to deal with food, the lure of it, the disappointment in the long process, strengthening your ability to resist unplanned food, etc. You choose your diet/healthy eating plan and your activity plan, and you use the book in conjunction with that. It is a miracle cure? Nope. But it's eye opening and nice to give yourself credit for doing the steps that all build up to success.

You've come an amazingly long way already - starting with that first step. The time is going to pass, no matter what, if we're lucky. Imagine how you'll feel next Jan. 1 when you're even further down from where you are now - it's not a quick fix, fixing how we view and use food.

So, in the vein of the Dr. Beck book, give yourself credit for every smart choice you've made here along the way. Think about what you've done, what you do differently now than what you did before the wedding trip. What do you envision in your life, just don't give it a specific timeframe. Keep positive.

Why is losing weight important to you? The vain reasons are FINE. That's tangible. We see our reflection in the mirror. We don't see the blood pressure number every day. Whatever it takes to stay on track. We feel the clothes fitting better on our body. We don't feel our cholesterol.

I get the sense that it IS important to you still - otherwise the sense of a precipice wouldn't be bothering you. Use the knowledge and tools you have, take your sense of direction (you know where you want to end up) :) and turn yourself away from that edge, and back on the trail where you've already had so much success. We know you can do it. Maybe not all at once, but maybe you can lose one pound. However many times you feel you need to. THAT I can handle! :)

Ah, radiojane! I always look forward to your posts and comments because you have such an awesome outlook and it makes me so sad that you're dealing with this. Well, we all kind of deal with this (us long-haul dieters, anyway). After a while you just get tired of it all. I was there for a month in December but it really helps to be very conscious of what food you mindlessly reach for and how it affects you. I have thrown out cookies, fudge, cupcakes, and even rice cakes because they are my "mindless" foods that I can't just have a small piece of. I felt bad at first but in the end not having them around to eat mindlessly was a huge help. I put a bag of blueberries in the same spot in the freezer that I kept the cookies and fudge and I reach for those instead. It's not easy and I think that's what we've got to remember. Once it becomes "easy" we become lax about it all.

It might be a good idea to get rid of the things you eat so mindlessly right now and then re-incorporate them back into your diet a little later to see if you can handle them being around again. I'm not saying, don't eat cheese, but buy low-fat brick cheese instead of those little perfectly portioned packets of Babybel. You have to get that knife out and cut some off, probably have to find a cutting board too. Usually that stops me from a mindless munch!

This is my second go with dieting and I was totally derailed when I got to my midway point. It took 6 years and gaining back 90 pounds to retry and I knew what to expect this time. It has been so much less stressful knowing I would encounter the diet cliff/stall/midway blues and I can and WILL get past it.

You can do it. :)

Thank you for this thread, radiojane and everyone who wrote in. I have only been at this for about 7 weeks but already I have started to loosen up my standards and not in a good way. You all have helped me by helping radiojane, and I am sure I am not the only one.

I did go to two here in town. I was uncomfortable because one of the other attendees is someone I have a very strained relationship with and it clearly upset her that I was there. I felt that because I was doing okay on my own and have the means necessary for other avenues of mental help, it was the right thing to do to step back. The nearest other one is a two hour drive.

Oh Mnem, you just made my day. What an empowering statement! I continue to be totally wowed by you.

What a man thing to say. And I mean that in the best way possible. Females tend to get wrapped up in their emotions and sometimes a good plain old concrete male statements are a good kick in the rear. You're right. I have major progress to be proud of. And yes I do swim daily and swing kettle bells and walk throughout the week,and it helps my mindset a lot.

Thank you both so much for your words. I am humbled. And you have no idea how inspiring and helpful every one on this board has been. I'm glad that my posts help inspire you both. You have no idea how much these two helped me. :hug:

Ella you were one of the first members who's posts really resonated with me, and seeing someone so obvious strong and beautiful struggling in the same way makes me feel so much better about where I am and where I'm coming from. You give me a lot of hope. You're very right. This is a LIFELONG battle that we all face. Nothing is going to happen fast or be perfect, but we need to be proud of who we are and what we've done.

I think I'm snapping out of it. I'm overwhelmed by the support and good advice you have all given. I have stayed on plan today and even got to the gym on my lunch break after skipping this morning because of my little pity party. I think I can step back from the cliff and look at things a little more clearly. This is such a positive space and I'm glad we have it.

I've just ordered this book, because of this post. I've seen so many people recommend it over the time I've posted here, but something about this post just clicked and said "you need this." Looking forward to reading it and radiojane, if you read it too, I'll look forward to discussing it with you - hopefully we will both find a lot of wisdom in there and ways to get over these (hopefully!) temporary hurdles our minds set up.

I also wanted to say that I lost over 60 lbs the last time, and got to hat precipice where I wanted to quit and jump off (or really, more accurately, let myself drift off). And here I am back, with almost every lb back on needed to not just lose, but re-lose that weight before I can even get back to the point of moving forward again. I know that my experience isn't yours but I can guarantee you will regret stopping, if you do and I give you much credit for being smarter than me about it and reaching out for help and sharing these feelings, instead of just stopping posting here and holding yourself accountable for your choices.

You're doing really good, RadioJane!! And I know exactly what you are talking about, looking for help, when you start to slide a little bit. (Hello!!) You've got almost 100 pound weight loss--amazing!! If you're not feeling the deficit thing right now, for a bit, that's fine! Stop and make this a new waylay point! But don't wing it--make a new plan, for maintenance at this weight, and stick to it! That's nothing to feel bad about--if you face it head on, it's something to be proud of!

Just like Elladorine I haven't fixed my problem with food either—just found a way to manage it. If I'm bored I want food. If I'm full I want food. I ask myself why, when I'm FULL that I still want food, but I just can't figure it out. It's an issue—an issue that led me to flirt with morbid obesity.

I'm managing it. I'm managing my "condition" the way someone might manage high blood pressure with lifetime medication. Perhaps this isn't the most glamorous way to think about it, but it is what it is. I'm not thin—I'm formerly obese, or "obese in remission" as I once read.

You've done amazing so far! It's frustrating though and I know that you want to simply emerge at the finish line...but I assure you that taking your time, learning healthy habits, picking up ways to "manage" your food issues, etc. will only help you when you get to maintenance.

You can do it! Remember that we're all here for you :)

It is a struggle and not all days are victorious.
Can I say it with a picture?

That's a perfect picture. I feel better today. I actually went through my closet last night and got rid of anything too big or baggy, even though I cant technically wear most of it. I kept one shirt and one pair of pants from my highest size for comparison, but looking at that closet full of smaller clothes really put things in perspective for me.

Awesome, radiojane!! So happy for you. :)

Radiojane - Keep up the good work and the positive attitude. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Go for the goal, you can do it!!!