Finally taking a long, hard look at my body...
This hurts to write, but maybe that's what's going to make it empowering for me overall.
18 months ago, I weighed 152 lbs and ran the Toronto marathon. WOO!!! It was my biggest dream, only because it was the hardest thing I could think of to do...ever. I set my mind to it. I weighed 180 starting the marathon and omg...I sobbed crossing that finish line. Unfortunately, part of the reason I sobbed was due to the fact that I tore a ligament in my ankle in the race. Then, I moved to the Arctic a few months later...no running, depression from my injury, few wholesome foods and BAM, welcome to Sarah, 202 lb edition.
Last night, I noticed stretch marks on my body for the very first time. Tonight, I decided to take my before pics, and found a huge new stash on stretch marks...they practically appeared overnight! Or, rather, I've been ignoring my body for the last 18 months. I remember seeing 165 and thinking "Nah...not my scale". I remember my pants ripping through the upper thigh. "Pfft...I'll never buy that brand again". I remember seeing 185....190....I just ignored it.
While I am proud to say I am no longer ignoring, it was weird tonight. I looked at myself, fully naked in the mirror. I started to take note on what I love and what I want to change. Yup- the stretch marks SUCK. But then I thought..okay...so....they aren't going to go away by crying about it! Now I am trying to prevent more.
I also got a tattoo on my right hip in the summer, of my favourite quote from Rent saying 'No Day But Today'. I am PISSED that I have a two stretch marks in it! I was okay thinking that would happen from pregnancy one day, but I am not a tiger who has earned her stripes yet! Stretch marks are not badges of honour yet!
But, for now, they are going to fuel my hate fire! They are battle scars and maybe they will help me prove what I am about to do, here in 2013. Time to start living as if there truly is no day but today. Time to face my obstacle, head on, just like that damn marathon. I am no star runner...but if I could do that, I can do anything. Here are the lyrics that inspired me:
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today
For me, it's truly time to let go. Let go of the guilt and the blame...and just ...be. Feeling down, but feeling...ready.
Let it begin.
Last edited by NorthernChick13; 01-08-2013 at 12:34 AM.