I think I am incredibly ugly/have no self confidence
I think I am incredibly ugly. I hate taking pictures. I have so few pictures of myself. Every time I want to restart my weight loss I feel that it isn't worth it to lose weight because of how I look. I feel forever fat ugly and alone basically. I feel everyone I know has a DH or BF. I'm late twenties now and feel like a complete loser. I don't even like looking in the mirror or putting on makeup or even putting an effort into my look. I should be over this now but I feel like it's sinking in now. I felt it before but ignored it and pretended to be confident. Now I can't even force myself to pretend. I bottled it up but now I just feel so bad.
Don't want to bother everyone with another sob story but I felt I had nowhere else I could turn to. No one in my family understands. I have felt unpretty my whole life. My family members are gorgeous I mean just beautiful like model pretty my cousin is a model and have always received so much attention. So have my friends growing up. I'm the black sheep I feel. Overweight and unpretty..How do I pull myself out of this. Anyone else feel like this too?
I have no idea if this is going to be helpful advice for you or not, but honestly, I don't worry about whether or not I'm pretty - if I'm ugly, there's not a lot I can do to change that, so I need to focus on the things I CAN change and improve. I think it helps to focus on all the amazing things your body can do rather than honing in on how you look - exercise, especially hiking and yoga, really helps me keep that in perspective. There's so, so much more to life than being conventionally attractive.
I have no idea if this is going to be helpful advice for you or not, but honestly, I don't worry about whether or not I'm pretty - if I'm ugly, there's not a lot I can do to change that, so I need to focus on the things I CAN change and improve. I think it helps to focus on all the amazing things your body can do rather than honing in on how you look - exercise, especially hiking and yoga, really helps me keep that in perspective. There's so, so much more to life than being conventionally attractive.
Sorry to sound superficial. Ever since I became unemployed I have become obsessed with my looks and feeling ugly and depressed....am embarrassed I said what I said honestly
Not calling you superficial at all, just saying that it can be helpful to focus on other things, especially while in a depressive funk! I know when I've been unemployed or otherwise un-busy it's a lot easier for me to spiral into negative thought patterns (I've totally been in the awful place where just taking a shower seems like climbing mount everest) - maybe just getting out for a long walk every day would help your mood? Or if there's things that have a history of making you feel better about your appearance (dying my hair can give me a mood boost, for example) it might be a good time to pull those out. But ultimately, you are so, so much more than how you look, and you are worth taking care of - which includes losing weight and healthy living.
I know exactly how you feel about feeling like the black sheep in your family. None of my dads side of my family has ever had weight problems and my parents have both recently lost a TON of weight and I find myself feeling often times like I dont fit in because I weigh 50 + more pounds than they do. But whenever I'm feeling down, no matter how ashamed I feel I try and talk about it. It sounds like you need some encouragement. I too, am obsessed with my looks. I know this is probably the opposite of what you want to do but I find that if I know I've made an effort to look beautiful, Ie. putting on cute underwear, or doing my hair, or wearing a flattering outfit that I feel significantly more beautiful. I mean, let's be honest.. Who doesn't like compliments, and especially for someone overweight and who has confidence issues, one compliment can really brighten up your entire day. This isn't changing who you are by any means but just enhancing your better features. I doubt you are as unpretty as you let off, but it's hard to listen to anyone else because you and you alone are your worst enemy. I know exactly how that is. But like I said, you are talking about this because you WANT support and I found it extremely hard to do this but going and talking to my family and those I felt inferior to was probably the best thing I could do. I'd never felt like I had so many people on my side before. You'd be so surprised how many people GENUINELY love and support you. It's extremely hard to do but in the long run it's giving me my motivation to look better for ME. That's the only good thing about being obsessed with your looks is you want to change how you look and feel for YOU and nobody else.
Thanks for ur responses ladies. My whole life has been shaped on how bad I look. I worked hard because I felt ugly. I kept trying to do my best at things other than my appearance. Ignoring how I felt. Its when I became unemployed and had time on my hands that I finally am facing what I kept inside for so long and it has been hard. I kind of feel like I regressed in a way. As a teenager I did not care how I looked at all and this is crap I should have gone through then. But after being unemployed and single so long I became depressed when everything I held in for so many years just came out now. I posted my photo online on these stupid rating websites to see if it might help give me confidence boost and instead I got more confused. I got positive responses online and some not so positive. I realize I have to just be kind to myself and accept myself.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And in our own mind. I feel that beauty has very little to do with actual looks. You have to work at feeling positive about yourself and making mental changes that will move you forward in the areas of both physical and mental health. It's very difficult to make a positive change in our lives if we feel we have no reason to do so - or worse - that even if we do make changes nothing will really change.
You are no where near a size that would make it difficult to find clothes that fit nicely in many stores in the regular departments - I'm remembering when I was about 200 pounds and what size I wore then. You should be able to find clothes that make you feel good, look nice, and are comfortable. A small adjustment to your hairstyle or makeup may make a change in attitude. Pushing yourself just a bit might make a bigger difference than you think it will. Try focusing on others rather than yourself. If you tend to stay within yourself, try smiling at or saying hello to a stranger - start with an older person at the grocery store, maybe. They're pretty safe! Make a friendly comment to the person waiting on you in a store or restaurant. Smile. Smile some more. Learn a few make-up tips that will accentuate what you feel to be your good points. No one is ugly unless they think they are - and no one who matters really cares.
You've made wonderful progress so far. Keep up the weight loss and try keeping positive thoughts. Smile when you talk - it comes through. You'll trick yourself into believing you're happy and pretty soon you'll feel happier. Don't post photos online - anyone can say anything - it's easy because they are total strangers. I said this when I started to lose weight almost 2 years ago - this game is about 90% mental. I believe that about life in general, too. Give yourself a pep talk every day - every time you start to sag a bit - and keep going. Unemployment stinks, but while you're looking for something new, try volunteering somewhere.
You are the only one who can change your attitude. We are what we believe ourselves to be. You deserve to think of yourself only in positive terms. Try it for an hour. Then another. Pretty soon you'll have a different attitude.
I have seen conventionally beautiful people find love. I have seen conventionally unattractive people find love. I have seen people with missing teeth, eyes, and limbs find love. It's possible and realistic for anyone to find love, if you open yourself up to the possibility and look for it in the right places.
I too have been in "shower is Everest" mode. I agree with the suggestion to force yourself out of your house and go for walks, just to give your brain some new stimuli. Then take baby steps toward the new you, which over time will spiral into positive energy.
I have seen conventionally beautiful people find love. I have seen conventionally unattractive people find love. I have seen people with missing teeth, eyes, and limbs find love. It's possible and realistic for anyone to find love, if you open yourself up to the possibility and look for it in the right places.
(((Hugs))) Freelance
And I have seen very handsome , even beautiful people with terrible personalities, vain, selfish, etc, no one one wants to be around people like that.
I know how you feel. I used to feel the same way. thing is, I came away from it BEFORE I lost weight, so it's not as if being thin is the only way to feel attractive.
Everyone here has given some wonderful advice, but I will add something that worked for me: find ONE thing about yourself physically that you like. For me, it was my hair. I did EVERYTHING I could to accentuate that feature of mine. Because of that I felt confident and confident people are beautiful people! I may have hated how the rest of me looked, but because I had taken one of the things I loved about myself physically and made it a strength of mine, I felt a whole lot better about the rest of me.
Previous posters have given some wise advice. As for love, it comes when it comes and not having someone to love in your life right now isn't necessarily a reflection on your appearance.
When it comes to comparing yourself to others in your family, I've found that (for me anyway) it almost always makes me feel bad. Either I feel bad because I'm not "as good as" or "as thin as" or "as-insert adjective of choice-as" someone, or I feel bad because if I am "thinner than" or "prettier than" someone then I start to feel guilty.
Maybe you could take some pictures of yourself (for only yourself) as you lose weight and journal about your feelings. Then after x amount of pounds you can look back and compare your past to your present, and see how much progress you've made. When I think about how far I've come it always makes me feel good and helps me to stay committed to my weight loss. If you can't take pleasure in your appearance right now, maybe you'll be able to in a month or two after seeing some changes? It might give you some perspective and then you can be proud of your hard work.
Everyone that responded to me is conventionally pretty. I am not talking about weight at all. I will force myself outside I guess. Baby steps. I just need to come to terms and accept my reality. Thanks for pep talk everyone.
I may be off base here, but the extent that you feel so terribly ugly and depressed and unlovable warrants more than what we can offer here...i would suggest a visit to a counselor or therapist especially since there are many who offer free or sliding-scale fees for people out of work
I am dating someone who is a bit overweight and not conventionally attractive. I can't even begin to tell you how little it matters to me. He is smart, funny, and kind, and treats me incredibly well. He also wasn't concerned about conventional attractiveness. He compliments me frequently, but I found it irritating the one time he complimented me on my looks. I would much prefer he care about my other qualities.
My point is there are men out there who do not care at all about your 'unprettiness.' Being pretty (and thin) can make things easier. But they just aren't prerequisites to success in life or in love.
I think I am incredibly ugly/have no self confidence
thing is, I came away from it BEFORE I lost weight, so it's not as if being thin is the only way to feel attractive.
