devastated and sad-my 7 year old daughter have weight issues
I'm sitting here swallowing my tears,trying not to cry. My 7 year old daughter think she's fat. She is a little taller then her peers and about 20 pounds overweight. I didn't worry about it until recently when she said out of the blue she think she is fat. I tell her all the time I don't want to hear her saying that and that she is fine the way she is. But I feel I want to do something about the excess weight,I don't want her to grow up like that. Now everyone says, don't worry she will grow into it, but how can I make sure it happens? I don't want to put on a diet, I know that's a BIG no-no. But how do I know if she is eating to much,she is hungry all the time. I don't know how to handle it. I am overweight myself and struggling, I feel like I'm to balme. Please any advice will do.
What do her meals and snacks look like? What kind of food does she have away from home? Be sure to keep a lot of healthy items stocked up so she has plenty to choose from, and keep any items with added sugar or a lot of other simple carbs out of the house.
Do your best to help her focus on the positives of healthy eating instead of emphasizing all the things she "can't" or "shouldn't" have. Help her learn to love veggies. Encourage variety by challenging her to place as many colors on her plate as she can (veggie and fruit-wise, of course). Get her involved by asking her to help you with preparing healthy meals and treats. Reward her efforts with positive mother-daughter time through fun activities, like going to the park or window-shopping at her favorite store. And of course, do your best to lead by example. Not only in how you eat, but how you present yourself and what you say about others. Never objectify people by their size, it's a judgment call that children pick up all too quickly.
It already sounds like you're doing your best to be supportive and that you're working hard on giving her a positive self-image. I agree that putting her on a diet is a poor idea, but that doesn't mean you can't encourage her to make healthy choices. Right now is a good time to get her started with that.
Is she involved in any extra curricular sports? Because my kids are both at risk of being overweight I make sure that they are registered in a sport each season. It keeps them active and helps control their weight. They're also only allowed water to drink except on special occasions. No fruit juice as I'd rather them eat the whole fruit. I pack their lunches every day. The only time they get cookies, cakes, treats, etc. is if they're made at home, that way I know exactly what is going into the things they eat. No complaints so far and neither of them seem to be missing out on anything.
Last edited by Lambiechop; 11-11-2012 at 03:32 PM.
Have you discussed your daughter's weight with her doctor? A medical professional, especially a pediatrician, would probably be the ideal person to discuss this with. You say she's hungry all the time, but that's abnormal, even for kids. A doctor could determine if she has a medical condition that's making her feel constantly hungry or if she's saying she's hungry and eating all the time for some other reason (e.g., boredom, anxiety, procrastination). At the very least, her school's nurse might be able to give you some information about child nutrition and physical activity guidelines.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flattum2be
I'm sitting here swallowing my tears,trying not to cry. My 7 year old daughter think she's fat. She is a little taller then her peers and about 20 pounds overweight. I didn't worry about it until recently when she said out of the blue she think she is fat. I tell her all the time I don't want to hear her saying that and that she is fine the way she is.
I'm not a parent, so my advice is probably worthless. However, I think that telling her "I don't want to hear it; you're fine," is a brush-off answer to a legitimate problem. She knows she's not "fine" - she's fat and she's apparently unhappy about being fat. She also now knows that you don't want to hear about or deal with her problems or feelings. I think it might be more useful to actually address her concerns and help her learn how to tackle obstacles and gain healthy habits. Make it about being healthy, rather than thin, of course, but don't just let the problem fester. I was upset about being fat (or, more accurately, about being picked on for being fat - is she being teased or bullied?) when I was about her age. Instead of changing the crap they fed us and getting all the sodas and cookies and junk out of the house, making common sense changes that promote healthy eating habits like keeping the serving bowls off the table, or actually getting my underlying medical issue addressed, my parents told me "you're just big boned" (probably not, and not that big boned, certainly) and seemed to expect me to grow out of it without teaching me or role modeling the healthy behaviors necessary for weight loss and healthy weight maintenance. You can see how well that worked.
Take your kid seriously and be honest with her.
Take her to the doctor if you can.
Do what you can to create a healthier household for both of you.
the good thing about her being so young and struggling with her weight is that you have pretty much all the control over what she eats. she cant go to the store yet or stop by mcdonalds. if you're truly concerned, dont bring it into the house!
my son seems to have inherited his fathers genes. hes tall and if anything a little too slim but its tough to get him to eat. ive actually been trying to fatten him up a bit. im sure dealing with the other side of it is more difficult but having a kid who wont eat/gain weight is frustrating as well, so i sort of understand.
maybe you can just push healthy foods and make it more about health than weight to her. tell her that you want to get healthier too and its going to be a family effort to make sure everyone is doing their best to get all the things their bodies need.
its a shame that kids so young already know about being "fat", but childhood obesity is a real problem that we need to be aware of. obese children run all sorts of risks later in life including having trouble managing their weight. i have to explain to my son when im pushing high calorie foods on him that he needs to gain weight to be healthier because he already tells me he doesn't want to get "fat". its pretty sad that an underweight 10 year old boy worries about that.
also, definitely talk to her pediatrician if you haven't.
Last edited by juliastl27; 11-11-2012 at 04:44 PM.
Do you prepare the meals in your home ? Are her meals fresh fruit and vegies, lean meat ,chicken or fish ? Do not give her cookies, candy and other sweets , you can control what she eats at home. If she says she is fat again, ask her to help you plan healthy menus for her, get her in on the planning that should help .
I say to not make a big deal of it, but be sure to lead a healthy lifestyle in the home, as best you can. Do not do any rewarding with food but rather an activity. For instance if she deserves a reward for something, go roller-skating, to the movies, on a hike, etc. Take walks, bike rides, etc. to spend time together. Don't keep any junk at home- it doesn't help anyone if it is in the house tempting you.
Good luck! One question for yourself, do you know how she got to be about 20lbs overweight? If you know how it happened then you know what to start changing.
I'm sorry to hear your daughter's struggling with weight issues at such a young age, but you sound like such a dedicated mama that will do everything to help her lead a healthy lifestyle. I have twin 7 year old girls, so I know what you're going through in wanting her to have a healthy body image and to stay fit.
I also wouldn't put her on a diet- diets are temporary, lifestyle changes --for both you and her-- are forever. I would take an honest look at what she's eating now for her meals and snacks. If she is eating something like a 100 calorie cookie pack for snack at school (as I see many of my girls' classmates do), then she'll remain hungry. Something like fresh fruit, veggie sticks with hummus to dip, whole grain pita with low fat cheese, and other healthy choices will fill her up more because they have more fiber. Also, many times thirst is confused for hunger. Is she getting enough water to drink throughout the day?
I have my girls in gymnastics, but they also love doing unscheduled sports like riding their bike, playing at the park, kicking a soccer ball around, and running with me. The best way to get your daughter into an active lifestyle (she may be already, it wasn't mentioned) is to be active yourself. Stop at a park on the way home and kick a ball together, do some jumping jacks, race one another, jump rope together, etc... She'll have fun, get her heart pumping, and have good times with you.
One last thing- please don't blame yourself. We can only do the best we can with what we have at the time. You're on a journey, too, and as you learn, you'll be able to teach her more. She'll look up to you as you reach your goals and you'll be such a good role model to her.
As I was on my weight loss journey I was so careful not to talk about being on a diet, made sure that my girls heard me say often that I was doing this to improve my health and to be strong, and I was rewarded one day when one of my girls said, "I want to be strong and healthy like you, mama."
Good luck to you and your daughter. Wishing you strength, determination, and wisdom!
Thanx all of you for the responses. @theox I get what you're saying, the way I said it is wrong,but as Juliastl27 said I just don't want a 7 year old to even know about being fat. It's just so sad,but I realise we live in different times. As I said she is reasonably tall for her age,so she don't look obese but definately bigger than the other kids. There's no real teasing according to her,but I know if that healthwise this is a problem and fitting in her clothes. She had a growth spurt the last year and skipped 2 clothe sizes. Acc to the pediatrician she is fine,but my motherly instinct tells me otherwise.
The main things I take from all your advice is to not make a big issue about it, take charge of my own weight journey and make it a family affair. I will incorporate walks after school and search for ways to make veggies interesting. I don't think I must worry that the "hungry all the time" thing is a medical issue until I've given her healthy food in abundance. All I know is I have to stop this battle with eating healthy myself because it seems like my bad habits unknowingly trickels down to her. Thank you all so much for the advice and that you took the time to answer. I really do love you all on this site.
One last thing- please don't blame yourself. We can only do the best we can with what we have at the time. You're on a journey, too, and as you learn, you'll be able to teach her more.
agreed, it's pointless to assign *blame*, but her health/weight is your responsibility at this age.
now that you're more informed you need to really take charge of the situation! i think making it a family journey is a great idea! i know it's heartbreaking when my nieces who are still in single digits age fret about being "fat" when they are not even close. it's a sad thing that our society has pressured everyone to be *skinny* to the point where it's seeping into our children's heads that skinny is healthy and attractive, and even normal is fat.
I would try to steer clear of any low fat or overly processed foods and keep the grains to a minimum. I am so surprised that there are still people who recommend low fat to anyone, let alone a child. I recommend checking out one of Gary taubes' talks on YouTube.
Twelve years ago i could have written this post. t is heartbreaking as a mother to see your children struggle with anything! But when it is a daughter with weight issues and yo have been there yourself I think it is even worse. I can tell you how I handled it and my outcome.
My daughter was also the tallest in her class. When she was approximately halfway through first grade she started putting on weight. My parents "shamed" my weight and made me feel like less of a person when i was growing up I KNEW I would not do this to my daughter. I remember school clothes shopping before 5th grade my mothe looked at me stearnly and said, "When I was growing up my mother could sew clothes for me so I had stuff that fit. I do not know how to sew nor have the time so you better start losing weight or I have no idea where we will find clothes for you." Now I think DUH MOM...get out of the children's section, then I just did my best to hold back tears.
My daughter was in dance since she was 4 and loved it. So we bought dance "training" DVD's. She was able to "practice" dance at home. This got her moving 5-7 days a week rather than he once a week dance lessons. Some of the DVD's came with Dance Nutrition Guides". (These foods help you build muscle so yo are a stronger dancer, is the way I approached it. I NEVER mentioned her weight.) I made a more conscious effort to lose weight, but did not use the word "diet" in front of her. When she got a little older she started to look back pictures of her "Chubby days" as we now call them. She saw how her body had improved at that was motivating to her. I brought her shopping with me and we read labels. We talked about foods that made her healthier and stronger. She continues to dance, lessons 3 days a week, dance team practice 6 days a week and teaching dance 2 days a week. She is now a college freshman and a very fit, healthy, happy young woman. When we look back at her "Chubby Days" now she often asks why i didn't put her on a diet. I told her I wanted her to learn how to eat properly for life, not to lose and gain and lose and gain. And that I never wanted to make her feel ike her worth in life was based on her weight. I don't know if I did it "right" but i know what I did worked.
One thing is for sure: our habits as parents will trickle down to the kids (as you say). Most kids who are raised on healthy foods will come back to the choices they made as kids when they are adults. So, if you start good food and exercise habits now, chances are that those will stick with your DD throughout life. My kids are 17 and 20 and they have had their rebellious food time- i e going to McDonald's a lot and eating other junk, but now they are mostly interested in much healthier eating. I believe that is true with most people. My DH was raised on junk and he is just like when he was a kid!
devastated and sad-my 7 year old daughter have weight issues
I agree that putting her on a diet is a poor idea, but that doesn't mean you can't encourage her to make healthy choices. Right now is a good time to get her started with that. 
