So, when I first started here in June, I was pretty motivated then I sunk for a week or two and was back on top of things until September when I had a visitor. Since September I've been trying to get back on track. Last day or two I've been feeling really good about myself and getting back into exercise which has been very up and down since last month. Today my friend (who would be taller and heavier than myself) asked me to join the gym. I declined as I don't have the money to spend but I said I was getting back into my exercise routine and I can do it on my own. Now that she is working on her health and weight, I feel like I've been given a kick up the back side now to get moving again because...I don't want her to get smaller than me! Is this slightly twisted? She is my best friend and I'm delighted she is working on her well being but I don't think I would like it if she would become smaller and healthier than me. Has anyone else ever suffered from a motivator that was probably bad? Do you get (secretly) competitive with friends who are also trying lose weight?

Twisted? Meh, maybe, but who am I to judge -- I'm pretty twisted.

I definitely have some not-so-honorable motivation at times.

I see it as a good motivator as long as it doesn't turn into the only motivator. That's where it can get dangerous. I am in total (and silent) competition with several co-workers. Helps me to say no to the office treats...that sit right across from me in the office. Honestly, the only thing that stopped me from grabbing a Costco cookie last week was that I didn't want to give the women in my office the satisfaction! Ha ha ha. That being said, I've wanted stop relying on that competition to motivate me to continue to lose weight while at work. I've started keeping a list of treats that are brought in that I say no to. I want to see how big that list can get!

not twisted..inspired.

personally, i get secret kicks from ordering healthier foods/drinks when i go out with friends. same with fitting into smaller sizes then friends that have been smaller then me all their lives.

best feeling ever? being able to borrow your "normal sized" friends clothes!

In all honesty, I think its a great motivator. As humans, it is natural for us to want to be better and prove ourselves when challenged by others - even when not actually competing. Plus, if she sticks with it , you are more likely to stick with it also so both of you come out winners.

Honestly? I do the same thing, I get a secret kick from doing better then my friends. I think its natural to be a little competitive, even when you are not truly competing.

I know when my best friend is doing well, I usually end up trying to "do better" then her. I think as long as it does not turn into any sort of resentment, and is a "silent" motivator that you keep to yourself then its perfectly fine. Personally, I think any motivator is a good one!

I try not to think unkind thoughts of others to elevate myself, but that's just the way I'm personally convicted. It is a common behavior and I don't think a little friendly competition is harmful, but I try to watch it for possible mean or selfish thoughts toward others.

I do the exact same when I am out! When they order soda and order water or when they layer on the mayo and I stay away from the mayo! It does give me great kicks to be honest.

I guess it isn't so bad then. I never thought I had a competitive side. It definitely isn't my only motivator. Just it happens to be what has given that push to really get back into the swing of things.

I think it's kind of dangerous to use others as motivation, since we can't control what other people do and trying to build ourselves up by minimizing or competing against others has the potential to lead to really weird relationship dynamics and drama.

How do you think you would feel if your friend did become smaller than you? How do you think your friendship would fare? How do you think your friend would feel if she knew how you viewed her? What are your motivations for being friends with this person?

On a practical note, I think that as long as you're still capable of acting like a good friend to this person and don't try to minimize or sabotage her efforts to be healthier for your own ego, using this feeling probably isn't too bad.

I think that as long as you don't do anything to take it to an unhealthy place it's a perfectly fine motivator!

Now, if you were to try sabotaging her in her efforts to lose (baking her favorite cookies and leaving them on her desk perhaps??) or pushing yourself past the healthy limits of your diet and exercise plan... that could be another story.

I will admit that while I genuinely LOVE when my friends are making progress and feeling great about themselves I don't necessarily want them to be doing 'better' than I am. I think that is perfectly normal!

Why not use each other as encouragement? Even if you can't go to the gym with your friend, you can keep each other motivated by sharing menus, tips, etc. I say use whatever means you can until it just becomes second nature. Just keep it friendly.

Lin

Thanks, this is exactly what I was trying to get at. Just evaluate your heart, only you know if this is going to be an issue in your friendship or not