hi there. im going to spill it all. why im here, why i eat the way i do, maybe this will be like an online diary as well as a support system. please do not judge me from anything you read. i am human,,,as you. we all mess up. ok, my name is Lorie, im 42 and i live in Avon lake, Ohio with my female partner of 23 years. i was born in Lakewood, Ohio and lost my mother to cancer at age 11. i am a child of divorce and i was sexually abused, physically abused and emotionally abused.. started gaining weight as a child because i had a doting grandmother who bought my sister and i whatever we wanted, food, candy, clothes, toys, FOOD. we both got chunky and i struggled with my weight throughout childhood until high school when i found cocaine..that took weight off me quickly and i was a lean 125 pounds when i met my current partner at the age of 19. we went out alot, danced, partied and ate. i was always an avid dancer so the weight stayed off. then, as in most relationships, problems started, i ate more but still danced and walked everywhere because i didnt have a car. when i finally got my first car, i stopped walking and started gaining, slowly....not even enough to notice. still danced. the years went on,,,i noticed the weight gain. dont know when but then decided to do high protein, low carb diets and did it so much it hurt my heart and so i stopped with the diets. (i realize this is rambling). "one day" i woke up and weighed 250!!! (am cutting out alot of detail). that was 4 years ago. i was living in Florida at the time, working full time as a massage Therapist, doing alot of house calls and i had a major back injury, decided wieght was the major cause..so i decided i had to lose weight but lost only about 10lbs but gained it back due to stress..then a year later, i injured my back again and couldnt walk upright for 8 months. that was 2 years ago. im not fully healed yet. i moved back to Ohio and here i am. 240 lbs. i want to lose 60 pounds and feel free of this pain. ive been home a year and i am struggling. my relationship isnt the greatest and my brother is in prison for 108 years. emotionally,,,im a wreck but i hide it. and i eat. im hurting so badly inside. food is my escape.i dont know how much room i have to type here so ill end this but, there is SO MUCH i left out. thanks for listening.
Ahem...! (raises hand) "crystal meth diet here" (but i have 7 1/2 years sobriety now)
"All the Secrets of your foundation shall come to light.... and when you lie, uprooted and broken in the sun, then shall your lies also be separated from your truths" Nietzche
"I do not workout. I TRAIN.
I do not eat. I FEED.
I do not sleep. I RECHARGE.
My greatest fear in this life is the fear of being ordinary."
1/2 Marathon -1:50:48
5 miles - 36:12
I know how you feel. I am sure many of us seek food for emotional reasons. At one time, I thought that I could never replace food. It was simply the fastest way for me to relax from stress. But I did turn things around. You need to work on yourself and eliminate that strong desire in the first place.
Welcome. I'm sorry you've been through so many hard times and struggles. I'm definitely putting you and yours in my prayers. Believe that you can be successful at whatever you set your mind to including your weight loss efforts if that's what you really want to do. I can't even begin to imagine how much you're hurting but using food as an escape doesn't seem to be helping with the pain and if anything seems to be affecting your health. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Is there anyone you can talk to? Is counseling or therapy an option? I am sending you all the positive wishes for health, well-being, happiness and success in the world. If weight loss is a goal and you set your mind/commit to it, you can certainly succeed at it!
__________________ Original start/HW: Jan 2009: 275lb; 3FC Start Weight: July 19, 2009: 257lb; Record Low Weight: Oct 21, 2012: 152lb Losing the Regain- Jul-Dec 2014 Overall Weight Loss
Welcome to 3FC, Lorie. I'm sorry for all of your struggles and hope you find a good food and exercise plan to help you reach your goal. There's lots of nice people here to give advice, support, and encouragement. I can very much relate to using food as comfort; I am a recovering emotional/binge eater and have other addictive tendencies.
One of the things that helped me during my journey, and even now, is the book by Dr. Judith Beck, The Beck Diet Solution. It's not a diet plan at all, but gets to the mental and emotional reasons for overeating, and it sets out a day-by-day plan to overcome that. http://www.amazon.com/The-Beck-Diet-...+diet+solution
There's also a Beck subforum here at 3FC (my user name has no connection to Dr. Beck; it's just my nickname and was chosen as a username before I even heard of Beck)
Wishing you strength, determination, and perseverance on your weight loss journey!
(restart 3/10/11, 262.8lbs)
250lbs by 4/18/11 (met 4/6/11)
220lbs by7/17/11 (met 6/5/11)
199lbs by 9/15/11 (met 7/18/11) (no longer obese at 202lbs; met 7/12/11)
175lbs by 12/5/11 (met 9/13/11)
169lbs- normal BMI (met 10/7/11)
162lbs by 1/23/12 (100lb loss since restart) met 11/4/11
150lbs by 3/01/12 met 12/15/11
Walk to Mordor Challenge: 250 out of 1779 miles done
Welcome, Lorie! I think you will find this community to be very accepting and non-judgemental. Afterall, we all have our stories and strugles and moments of not-so-greatness. I'm glad you are here! I'm very sorry for all that you have been through, much of it I cannot even imagine.
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice and no guarantee is made against accuracy.