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Old 10-26-2012, 02:10 PM   #1
Junior Member
iNirvanna's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6

S/C/G: 160/160/110

Height: 5'6''

Unhappy I feel very lost...50 pounds here we go.

Hello everyone My name is Nika and i am new here!
please forgive me for my english because sometimes its funny - let me explain why and why i am here for everyone

Currently i am a freshman at my local university (i am in a third world country right now, its where im from, but i am living alone away from family now), and things could not be worse for me. The past 3 years have been absolutely the worst - i've gone through very many things most people havn't and never will (including a 'war') and it's been very difficult, and has resulted in me moving around 7+ times in the past 3 years. The last 1.5 year especially were my most difficult - it was my senior year (and all that blabla) and i was meant to be home with all my old friends, but my current economic and family and country situation worsened and i was forced to move and never got to see them, and now everyone is off in their own places! Since it's been so hard, i spiraled into really bad clinical depression and was circulating between therapists, aswell as being diagnosed with severe GERD and hypothyroidism. I am not taking any medication for the deppression because i wanted to 'deal' with it,a nd its been slow but its much better now. I am taking consistent medicine for my gerd but a couple months ago we suddenly had to move again, and so i have not been able to get my hypothyroidism medication (which i know would really help me with my weight loss ) also, my entire family is severely obese and has a range of diabetic and heart and blood pressure problems, so im fighting genetics too!

Anyway, I was almost always overweight, 3 years ago (before the mess) i dropped alot of weight suddenly ( i was always out partying and didnt eat much hehe) and was the lightest i ever was at around 120 pounds (i am 5'6) , and i LOVED it. i looked amazing. but then the issues came, and i lost alot of family and friends and i felt really alone + depression and my weight got really out of control.

As of this moment, i am the heaviest i have ever been at 160 pounds. I already have very bad self confidence and this doesnt help me at aaaallllllllll - i avoid mirrors at all costs now, and i'm even having trouble making new friends here

I am really sick of it. Im sick of looking in the mirror and getting disgusted and im sick of seeing old pictures of myself and crying, and i want to change. I've been trying to eat healthy and workout the last couple months but its been on and off, and i really hate working out but after trying insanity for 3 weeks and dropping an insane amount of inches, i know its one major way itll work for me.

I cant really count calories here, its very difficult to. Alot of stuff comes directly from our local farms, and people here barely know what a calorie is. Packaged/processed food is hard to come by, and my family and i eat mostly freshly cooked things. The most 'processed' thing i eat is a whole wheat turkey sandwich from subway at my university cafeteria! (and the occasional mcdonalds shake when im stressed hehe)

Ive been trying to find a scale here to measure the grams of my food, but its really difficult, and everything is very different here, so counting calories is near impossible for me - so ive been just trying to stick with sensible eating i guess. Our meals usually consist of vegetables and rice or pasta with chicken or beef - that usually sums it up. Im an emotional eater though, and because of self confidence and school stress ive been binging on chocolate alot more

I also have a very bad relationship with water! I hate water. more than anything. drinking it makes me feel sick ! I dont drink tea, coffee, sodas, juices, or anything. Its just milk/water, and even then i dont drink alot. But ive been trying to force myself to because lately ive been extremely dehydrated and feeling sick and sluggish, so thats a struggle.

i dont eat much at all. One meal a day usually, two if i have a very very long school day, but they usually total to around 800 calories. My issue is all the chocolate i binge on when im deppressed, otherwise im pretty sure id be really skinny haha. but my relationship with food isnt great either.

I have many goals:
  • Drink more water (the recommended daily intake? which is i guess around 3 liters)
  • Stop Emotional indulgence on sugary food/ milkshae
  • I want to be able to run 5 miles without stopping!! (This is a major goal, because i cant run 2 minutes straight right now But an old friend of mine has been able to get to that goal and weight just DROPPED, so i want to get there too!)
  • i want to be able to run at least 5 times a week!
  • i want to be 110 pounds. I want to be skinny and feel beautiful and feel confident and sexy again. i really want that.
  • i want to start today!!

but right now i am at:
  • 0.25 liters of water a day if i push myself
  • already had alot of chocolate today haha
  • I guess around 0.15 miles? i can push myself to run 2 minutes at around 4mph so im not sure what distance that is i can run continuously without stopping
  • I havnt run in along time. I wanted to go today but i was told that exercising after 7 pm doesnt even do anything :/ (its 8 pm now)
  • 160 pounds. Ugh.
  • Today's over...can i start tommorrow?

i also have a "mini" goal of being -20 pounds by my birthday (January 22)

im very lost. and overwhelmed.
i guess all im asking is for help, for advice, but mostly, for people to listen and to motivate me. That's really all i want.
Sorry for rambling. I just have no one to talk to here, i have no support, this forum i found was a blessing, i feel like i can let it all out now...

Last edited by iNirvanna; 10-26-2012 at 02:13 PM.
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Old 10-26-2012, 02:23 PM   #2
Irish dance addict
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 425

S/C/G: 145/145.4/125

Height: 5' 3"


Welcome Nika. This is a very supportive forum with a lot of great advice! Seems like there's a forum for everyone here.

I count calories but try not to eat *too* much processed food either. Even if you're cooking with local produce from scratch (I love local produce!), you can start to learn portion sizes, weigh/measure your ingredients, and learn about how many calories are in different foods. For example, in salads I typically have about 2 cups of shredded lettuce, which is typically about 15 calories. It's best if you are able to measure your ingredients, but just learning some estimation techniques (like a serving of meat is the size of a deck of cards) can be a good start.

I often exercise around 8 or 9 at night. I'm not a morning person at all! I've never felt it has held me back. The only concern I think is if you exercise too close to bedtime, then you might be amped up. Might as well give it a try some time!

For water, I live in an arid climate so don't have a problem, but I do keep a liter bottle with me all the time in arm's reach. It's a good way to keep an eye on your intake (I shoot for 2 liters a day personally).

Also, I think your English is quite good! I'm curious what country you are from. Would you be willing to share?
Anail a Ghidheil, air a mhullach

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Old 10-26-2012, 02:35 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Avon Lake, Ohio
Posts: 5

S/C/G: 240/190

Height: 5'8


let it out, sister!!!!! you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
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Old 10-26-2012, 02:42 PM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6

S/C/G: 160/160/110

Height: 5'6''


Oh okay! So how do i start learning estimations? I only have my drinking mug, and not sure i wanna put salad in that to measure it :P

So exercising at night is really not that different in terms of weight loss? Its okay? I sleep very late, like 2 am ish, and i hate waking up in the morning; so working out late i could do easily :]

oh thankyou haha! Ive been reading classics alot (Bronte sisters are my favorite) and it's been helping. Im part Tunisian, Egyptian and Brazillian and im living in Egypt at the moment

and thankyou lori hehe <3

Last edited by iNirvanna; 10-26-2012 at 02:42 PM.
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Old 10-26-2012, 02:54 PM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Avon Lake, Ohio
Posts: 5

S/C/G: 240/190

Height: 5'8

Default why im here...want to lose this "baggage" make friends and find inspiration!!!

hi there. im going to spill it all. why im here, why i eat the way i do, maybe this will be like an online diary as well as a support system. please do not judge me from anything you read. i am human,,,as you. we all mess up. ok, my name is Lorie, im 42 and i live in Avon lake, Ohio with my female partner of 23 years. i was born in Lakewood, Ohio and lost my mother to cancer at age 11. i am a child of divorce and i was sexually abused, physically abused and emotionally abused.. started gaining weight as a child because i had a doting grandmother who bought my sister and i whatever we wanted, food, candy, clothes, toys, FOOD. we both got chunky and i struggled with my weight throughout childhood until high school when i found cocaine..that took weight off me quickly and i was a lean 125 pounds when i met my current partner at the age of 19. we went out alot, danced, partied and ate. i was always an avid dancer so the weight stayed off. then, as in most relationships, problems started, i ate more but still danced and walked everywhere because i didnt have a car. when i finally got my first car, i stopped walking and started gaining, slowly....not even enough to notice. still danced. the years went on,,,i noticed the weight gain. dont know when but then decided to do high protein, low carb diets and did it so much it hurt my heart and so i stopped with the diets. (i realize this is rambling). "one day" i woke up and weighed 250!!! (am cutting out alot of detail). that was 4 years ago. i was living in Florida at the time, working full time as a massage Therapist, doing alot of house calls and i had a major back injury, decided wieght was the major cause..so i decided i had to lose weight but lost only about 10lbs but gained it back due to stress..then a year later, i injured my back again and couldnt walk upright for 8 months. that was 2 years ago. im not fully healed yet. i moved back to Ohio and here i am. 240 lbs. i want to lose 60 pounds and feel free of this pain. ive been home a year and i am struggling. my relationship isnt the greatest and my brother is in prison for 108 years. emotionally,,,im a wreck but i hide it. and i eat. im hurting so badly inside. food is my escape.i dont know how much room i have to type here so ill end this but, there is SO MUCH i left out. thanks for listening.
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Old 10-26-2012, 02:55 PM   #6
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Avon Lake, Ohio
Posts: 5

S/C/G: 240/190

Height: 5'8


oops, didnt mean to post that as a reply, sorry. im new...trying to figure out how to navigate.
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Old 10-26-2012, 03:12 PM   #7
On a break with Baby #5
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 3,754

S/C/G: 257 /ticker/ 160

Height: 5'3" - I got taller!


It sounds like underlying medical issues and emotional spdisturbance/imbalance is a much bigger stumbling block for you than just weight. A lot of us have that sort of thing to contend with, and it can definitely be done! There are individual support groups on here you may find very helpful, so browse around and see what fits best.

Regarding the emotional eating and control, can I recommend "The Don't Go Hungry Diet" by Amanda Sainsbury-Salis for a sensible eating plan that doesn't require massive willpower (and she explains the science of satiety VERY well) or "The Beck Diet Solution" by Judith Beck, for a bigger picture perspective on emotional eating, and solutions to the issue? They may help you immensely.

Here are links to them on Amazon:


Taryl - http://www.aurorafiberarts.com/weightloss

Weight loss since Oct 2008:

Last edited by Arctic Mama; 10-26-2012 at 03:14 PM.
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:31 PM   #8
Mini Goal 1- 189.5 lbs
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Africa
Posts: 1,408

S/C/G: 275/191.5/160

Height: 5'7


Hello. Welcome to 3FC. Your English is really good! I also live in a 3rd world country (so I know and understand all about the challenges of knowing the calories in food). I'm still a calorie counter though. You may be able get a food scale or at least a baking scale from a large supermarket type store (like if there's a Carrefour or other large store that sells kitchen appliances) and at the very least they should have measuring cups or even a measuring jug (for people who bake etc). I know you're a student and this might be a bit of a financial stress but at least the measuring cups shouldn't be that expensive. Of course, this is if you're interested in calorie counting.

For your running goals, check out the C25K running programme (Google it). It's a great way to build on your fitness and to get into running. I did it 2 years ago and I've been running ever since. It's a good running programme to help you meet your goals.

Regarding your goal. You know your body best but you may want to consider that 110 lbs seems kind of underweight for someone who is 5'6. By BMI standards, it's certainly quite underweight. If you loved 120 lbs, maybe you should go for that. Thinner isn't always better. There is a point where you become underweight and neither look nor feel healthy. Also, consider that this weight loss journey is not only about losing weight but also keeping it off once you lose the weight. It's a life time thing.

Regarding your other goals:
- Drinking water is great. Maybe you could make yourself drink a glass before every meal as a start. If you really can't bear drinking water alone, you could try adding a teaspoon of lemon juice or apple cider vinegar to your water bottles so that they have a little taste. Tea is also an option although you have to watch the sugar/honey.
- The thing with sweet things is that they're not really filling and they make you crave having more sweet things whilst still leaving you hungry plus, they tend to be really high in calories because of all that sugar. They're best enjoyed occasionally. Milkshakes are many times almost like 2 meals in a glass in terms of calories (up to or even possibly more than 1000 calories in a glass) so it's up to you to decide if it's worth it to you. Do you have a blender? An alternative could be to make yourself smoothies with yogurt and fresh fruit and ice. Or you could make your own "milkshakes" with frozen banana, skim milk and cocoa powder. Try to replace your chocolates with dark chocolate, it's a lot richer and little more difficult to binge on than the sweet milk chocolate kind. If you have a sweet tooth, maybe try eating more fruit. Another tip I find helps is chewing gum, or sucking on mints/menthol sweets to get a sweet taste into my mouth.
- It's not true that exercising after 7/8pm does nothing! Where did you hear that? Exercise at any time is valid and useful and beneficial. I've worked out at midnight, 2 a.m, 3 a.m etc. It doesn't matter when you work out or when you eat as long as you work out at all and don't eat more in a day than you should.
- Emotional eating is something a lot of us struggle with as well. I'm still a work in progress and the only thing I can say is that food has never made me feel better in the long run and I try to remember this and come on 3FC to get a little extra support.

Good luck with your journey and here's hoping to see you around here on 3FC.
Original start/HW: Jan 2009: 275lb; 3FC Start Weight: July 19, 2009: 257lb; Record Low Weight: Oct 21, 2012: 152lb

Losing the Regain- September 2017-December 2017
SW:180 CW:191.5 GW:155
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:58 PM   #9
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 70

S/C/G: 199/150

Height: 5'9


increasing your water intake will make a lot of difference!
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