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Old 10-25-2012, 01:39 PM   #1
One with the Wind and Sky
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Default Stressful day ... and a buffet!

Oy, can I vent for a minute here?

Had a horrible day yesterday. Got a call from my aunt saying she was in town and was asking if I could go meet her and some others for dinner at 5:00. I always love to see her, but that meant I'd have to completely drop our TOPS Halloween party, would have to wait a few weeks to show off and explain my new weight-loss bracelet (I'd like others there to join in on the fun), and would be missing the final contest day for the octopus. But no big deal, family comes first. So I called the leader to explain why I couldn't be there, totally forgetting that I led last week's meeting and had all the books and paperwork required. That meant I had to find a way to drop the stuff off at the hospital, but couldn't do it until someone was there to meet with me. It looked like if I left at a certain time, I'd be able to drive over to the hospital, drop the stuff off, make a beeline in time for the dinner, and have my husband meet up with us as soon as he could (he doesn't get off work until 5:00 so he'd be running a little late).

I was going about my usual business of getting ready when SIL called, needing a ride home from the other side of town. She's been making some poor life choices recently and it's been hard to be sympathetic (but that's a whole other issue altogether), but even though she got herself into her own mess, she's family after all so I drove over to help her out. Even though I was really going to be pressed for time. Traffic was bad on the way back and I got pretty stressed, but I still was able to drop her off with plenty of time to spare. Whew!

Then my husband called, letting me know he'd gotten off work an hour early so he and I could arrive at dinner together, so instead of heading straight off to the hospital, I went home to wait for him. Then he called again about 20 minutes later, telling me I should leave without him as traffic had completely stopped. I should have already left at that point. And as I took off down the street, he called back saying traffic was moving again, but it was up to me whether or not I should wait. I opted to wait since I was already late anyway.

He got home, and we both got in my car and took off. He then realized he'd left his phone in his car (which ticked him off for the rest of the evening). Er, no time to turn around. We made our way to the hospital, and I ran all the TOPS stuff in, trying to explain that I was running late and had to hurry, with everyone saying, "What, you're not spending time with us at the party?" Hello guilt trip. But hmm, weighing in would only take a few seconds, right? I really hate missing weigh-ins and wanted the last week of the octopus contest to count. We have two different officers that weigh us, and surprisingly enough, one of them is a little better at it than the other and guess which one just happened to be present. We have one of those big balance scales with the sliders on the top you see at the doctor's office, and she set it at last week's weight. I took off my shoes and set down my bracelet (that thing is heavy, lol) and stepped on. I watched the beam go down a little, and she said I "turtled" (stayed the same). And I pointed out that no, the needle wasn't centered, and told her to try taking it down a quarter of a pound. She clearly got annoyed with me, and I clearly didn't have time for her annoyance. Give me my quarter pound loss, dammit! So she eventually moved it down a quarter pound and the needle was centered just fine. And she argued that it was now too high. She eventually ended up giving it to me. Not that it really mattered in the long run, but I was frustrated and in a hurry. I ran out of there feeling a little rude for being so short with everyone, and as I made it out to the car saw that I should have been at dinner at least 20 minutes before, and we still had to drive to a different part of town.

My aunt called just as we were pulling into the place, wanting to know why I was so late and complaining that she had other people waiting with her (I had already called her earlier to tell her I'd be running late due to circumstances beyond my control). And then we couldn't find her once we were inside and she wasn't answering her phone. The complaint about being late had really bothered me and now I couldn't even find her! Oh, and do you want to know where we were eating? One of those infamous Vegas buffets! We eventually met up with her and the others (she had been in the bathroom when I called) and got in line. And that's when I noticed I'd left the new weight-loss bracelet I'd spent so much time putting together at the hospital, on the shelf next to the scales. I tried calling several of the members, but no answer. Then I sent text messages. No replies.

So I started filling up my plate while feeling angry about being late, while being annoyed that my husband got off work early and we still couldn't make it on time, being annoyed that my aunt's family expects everyone to be able to just drop everything for a 5:00 pm dinner on a work day (they're the ones on vacation, not us), for SIL stressing me out, angry about fussing over the quarter pound, and upset that my new bracelet might be gone forever and that no one was getting back to me about it.

My first trip was the salad bar. Lots of spinach, lots of other greens and veggies, a little watermelon and canteloupe, a few sunflower seeds and a teeny bit of light ranch dressing. I sat down to eat and visit, and my aunt asked about my brother's family. That in itself is a huge mess and too long of a story to get into here, but the gist of it is that my brother went through a divorce a couple of years back, and the ex-SIL (not the same SIL I previously mentioned) has forced the kids to cut me out of their lives. So the only way I get to see their photos is looking at ex-SIL's page through my husband's Facebook account (my account has been blocked and you can't see anything without a log-in). So I had my husband log in through my phone to so I could look at SIL's account and show pictures of the kids to my aunt. And in the process, I found out my oldest niece is pregnant, something I'd suspected from a photo I'd seen a few months back. At the time I didn't want to make any assumptions because we all know what it's like to gain weight and be asked when the baby is due.

I feel absolutely horrible I'm no longer a part of their lives, but it's something completely out of my hands. But even good news stings when you're out of the loop. And I know I'm still hurting over the baby I lost earlier this year (I miscarried my very first pregnancy back in January), and felt irrationally angry over the fact that the little niece I used to babysit gets to be pregnant after I just went through waiting on pins and needles over period that's still over a week late yet all the pregnancy tests are negative. I can just imagine my brother's very uptight religious reaction, she's not married, but I'm not judgmental like that. Yes, I'm upset and angry, but like I said, just because it just hurts to be out of the loop . . . and on top of that I'll have to admit I'm somewhat jealous. I already had a lot to deal with when my SIL (the one I gave the ride to earlier) was pregnant at the same time as me . . . a baby that wasn't planned and something she still isn't ready for (she's made some really dumb mistakes with the baby that's been hard for all of us to watch, stuff that's been worthy of calling social services over). I've wanted a baby for years and was so excited to get pregnant. It's not fair, but I know it's a part of life.

So I got through my salad plate trying not to cry. The me from last year would have marched back up to the buffet in an effort to eat away my pain and frustration with huge portions of the richest food I could find. I did make that second trip, but piled up with steamed broccoli, took 2 potato wedge fries (instead of half a plate), some fajita veggies with a little steak, fresh onions and tomatoes, some black beans, and a no-sugar-added cookie. My plate wasn't even full and I was done.

After everyone was done eating, it was time to hit the slot machines. Er, I'm not much of a gambler, and given where I live it's probably a good thing. But it made me wonder why everyone was on such a tight schedule to eat at 5:00 when there were no shows or anything waiting for them. But I digress. One of the ladies eventually texted me back to let me know she was keeping my bracelet safe (whew!) and that I can get it back at the next meeting. That's two whole weeks away, but I'll live. I'm already going nuts knowing I can't weigh myself next week to know how I'm doing on my October challenge.

Oy. I'm just so tired now. I've got a lot on my mind now that my brother has been brought up again (we've got a lot of unresolved issues) and I'm just frustrated in general. But the good news is that none of this has made me out of control with my food. I feel pretty good about that. My 2 year wedding anniversary is next week, I'm at my lowest weight in 12 years, and I'm feeling physically better than I have in recent memory. So I'm not doing bad, I just had a bad day. And I think writing it out like this helped me find a little perspective.

Now to go out and buy a purple pen; I left my original one behind with my bracelet! It's not really a big deal, but I've always filled out my food journal with purple ink. I swear I'm not superstitious, but switching out to another color is just going to tick me off! And I'd better fill out my journal before I forget what I ate last night and this morning.

So much for my sanity . . .

★ Goal for 2017: Get down to 220 ★
★ Ultimate Goal: 150 ★

Last edited by Elladorine; 10-25-2012 at 02:23 PM.
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Old 10-25-2012, 02:17 PM   #2
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So glad you stayed on plan with all the stress and a buffet. Well done!

Sorry to hear about the niece and baby situation. *hugs*

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Old 10-25-2012, 02:31 PM   #3
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Wow! That's a lot to go through in one day! Congrats on keeping your wits about you and for keeping on your plan.

Started out at 405.5 on 7/31/12. Then lost 156 lbs to get down to 249.5 by 7/31/13. In the past year I have put back on over 40 pounds and reached a high of 291.5. But I have recommitted myself and quickly took off ten pounds by 7/31/14. I am now trying to take off the weight I put back on, and then lose the rest of the weight I was originally trying to lose. ---- Starting weight / Low weight / Current Weight / Goal Weight
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Old 10-25-2012, 02:31 PM   #4
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Wow that post was difficult to read. ouch. It was difficult because you were treated so badly by a few people. I am in therapy with an amazing therapist. I used to feel family came first but I now know I come first and then people I claim as family, of origin or not, that treat me with respect. I am saying this with empathy. I have similar types of family of origin members. Your Aunt was rude. Your SIL was rude. I will stop there. If you have plans why drop them to go to a dinner it sounded like you were not crazy about anyway. And who cares if your husband arrives on his own and your SIL can find her own ride there. You are not obligated to chaffeur your SIL around and it sounds as though it was horribly inconvenient. The only one put out quite frankly was you yet your Aunt phoned you to #### about you being late???????? I would have done as you did but now in a simlar situation I would tell my Aunty I have plans but would consider meeting afterwards at the casino. And as you said you do not care for casinos I actually think I would say I do not care for casinos but would love to see you how about we meet for late coffee/drinks or whatever after your meeting, somewhere near or even at the casino. If they want to see you and spend time with you then they could take time out and have a chat over a drink then get back to their own agenda.
Based on what I read these people are narcissistic. They expect you to be there for them yet do not tell you about your niece being pregnant. You had every right to be upset. It would be unnatural for you not to have been upset.
Kudos to you for having a healthy dinner in the midst of all this.
I hope you take this in the way it was meant. I have learned that family of origin does not come first, I and my family (DH) and of course children, come first. And if family of origin is not respectful, kind etc. then I have no obligation to them at all.
Good luck with your continued weight loss.

"May you live every day of your life." - Jonathan Swift
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Old 10-25-2012, 05:35 PM   #5
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Hugs to you! A tough day, but you did well.
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:21 AM   #6
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I'm so sorry! I feel your stress. But amazing that you handled it so well! Big thumbs up! And how gratifying to wake up tomorrow, no worse for the wear.
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Old 10-26-2012, 08:38 AM   #7
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Sorry to hear about all those stressful situations, but you deserve a big pat on the back for sticking to plan! And as a bonus you were able to reflect on how far you've progressed when you thought about how the "old" you would have handled it.

One for every five pounds lost!

Mini Goals:
No longer obese achieved 10/12/12
, 20 pounds down and pedicure reward achieved 11/16/12, 40 pounds down and facial reward achieved 2/22/13, No longer overweight - achieved 4/12/13, 60 pounds down and full body massage reward
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:55 PM   #8
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read your story, congrats for sticking to what's right!
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Old 10-26-2012, 06:02 PM   #9
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Elladorine, what a terrible day you had. I have a very small family - I was an only child and so was my father, so I probably don't understand how it is with family, but...I agree 100% with Pluckypear. Also not in the sense that you are wrong to care about them, but they are wrong to take you for granted and everything else.

I would probably do the same thing you did, but it could be that your aunt would be ok with your saying you couldn't make it that night. I am guessing you live in Las Vegas and you probably have people visit fairly frequently. I dunno, but you sure have my good thoughts.

Excellent that you didn't over eat. I wanted to rush to the kitchen and eat a pound of mozzarella just reading your post.
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Old 10-27-2012, 02:47 PM   #10
One with the Wind and Sky
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Thank you so much for the support, everyone! I'm feeling so much better now, and I think it really helped me to vent.

My aunt is not normally snippy like that. I didn't know her very well growing up as we lived in different parts of the country, but it's been nice living out in Vegas now as that part of the family is in easy driving distance now (they're in California). And I've gotten to know my aunt a lot better since and I've spent weeks at a time staying with her and Grandma (they live together), so the way she criticized my tardiness over the phone really threw me for a loop on top of everything else.

We lost my mom way back in 1996 when I was still practically a kid, and getting close to her has helped me feel reconnected with her. My brother and I have drifted further and further apart ever since we lost our dad in 2004, and my aunt has been trying to help with that. Sigh . . . it's really complicated. I visited him for the first time in 4 years at the beginning of last winter in hopes of straightening things out, but I don't feel we've made much progress. I'm afraid lawyers are going to have to get involved.

Anyway, something I didn't mention was that the visit with my aunt was pleasant enough, and I think she understood better when I had a chance to explain that I'd already had plans for the night that needed to be cancelled, that I still had a responsibility to take care of however, that I was in a rush because of SIL, that I'm worried like crazy over my niece (which is the main reason I'm helping SIL as much as I do), that the hubby took off early and we were still late due to traffic, etc. A bit later in the evening as we were walking around the casino, my aunt mentioned that we were supposed to meet up with my cousins (whom I don't know very well) at a certain landmark by a certain time. So we went over there to wait. And wait. We were there maybe fifteen minutes before she got annoyed enough to call one of the cousins that was supposed to meet us there. She mentioned that [cousin] gets so pissy when other people are late, and it isn't fair of her to react the way she does and to be late herself. So I think the whole issue earlier was that the cousin was being all pissy over my husband and I running late, and that it was reflected in my aunt's call.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter now. And like I said, that's not normally like her. I'm just relieved I made it through dinner without pigging out.

Thanks again everyone.

★ Goal for 2017: Get down to 220 ★
★ Ultimate Goal: 150 ★

Last edited by Elladorine; 10-27-2012 at 02:49 PM.
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Old 10-27-2012, 03:21 PM   #11
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You did a fantastic job.


Life style change started on Jan 13, 2011. I was going to lose 100 pounds by Christmas.
I lost 93 pounds by Oct 1, 2011 and am holding there for now. We'll see what happens.
New goal: To maintain at about 160 Final Goal: To decide if I need to lose more
Just Keep On Keepin' On
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Old 10-27-2012, 04:37 PM   #12
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Wow. You did an awesome job under a lot of pressure.
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