This has been a rough year. The year started out full of excitement and hope. Before the end of January my hope and excitement was gone. With them they took the love of my life. We were set to get married on 4/16/12.
In January 2012, I was 10 days away from moving 900 miles (New York City) from home and starting a new life, new job, new marriage. 10 days...240 hours, 14,400 minutes away. I had resigned from my job, my house was on the market, I had accepted and signed the contract for a new job at a prestigious college.
10 days. On the 10th day my fiance said we need to talk. Those are dreaded words. I knew what was happening. To be honest my gut had been unsettled for a few days. I had a since of impeeding doom and I could not figure out why. I thought I was just scared to be moving away from home.
What happened next is a blur. All I remember him saying is "I need some space". Space? He did not want me to move to New York City. Our wedding was cancelled. I was humiliated. I had to ask for my job back. I had to take my home off of the market. I had to call the college and let them know that I was not coming. I could not function for a week. I laid in bed and cried. I laid in bed and called him non-stop begging for another chance. He refused.
I have since cut off all contact with him and have changed my telephone number. The turning point for me was when I asked him did he love me. He said I am not sure, I will think about it and call you back. ????? At that moment I decided for myself I want and deserve someone that knows he loves me and doesn't have to think about it. The following day I changed my number. I have not spoke to him since (April 2012).
Im getting much better. I wont lie I still have some sad days are sad. But I have also had my share of good days. From January-April I was neglecting myself by eating poorly, making bad financial decisions, being reckless. I believe I was punishing myself.
Since September 15th I have rededicated myself to ME. I now know that I have to love me first. I have to feel beautiful for ME. I have to love and respect ME before I can expect anyone else too.
I have been lurking on 3fat chicks but was ashamed to post because I had regained my weight. Today with this post I have decided to let go of that shame.
Thank you 3 fatchicks for the support and encouragement.