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Old 10-20-2012, 03:33 PM   #1
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Default Dating post-weight loss

I have lost all the weight before (unfortunately gained it all back and more) so I know how it feels when men start noticing you and checking you out again. Has anyone felt bitter about this? Or do you simply embrace it and enjoy it?
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:36 PM   #2
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i feel bitter about how people in general change toward you. when i was at my highest (220) people were unbelievably rude. even store clerks and such.

its amazing how much more helpful and polite everyone got when i hit goal.
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:41 PM   #3
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That is true too. But What about guys you knew before you lost all of the weight giving you attention now that you're thin?
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:41 PM   #4
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I luuuuuuuurve attention! I'm not dating anymore as I got engaged recently (my poor fiance, I gained almost 60 lbs during our two year relationship) but now that I'm losing the attention is coming back.

I have an interesting face so it helps me get noticed even though my body isn't anything special and I just love the feeling it gives me. I'm naturally flirtatious and my fiance likes to watch me pique another man's interest (not intentionally, we don't go out seeking men for me to flirt with or anything) and then swoop in and make it clear that I'm his.

Also, the attention is so helpful in day-to-day life, a shop assitant will go out of his way to be helpful, a bus driver will stop if he sees you running after the bus, etc etc. The only downside is women tend to dislike you more, I already have bitter chicks sneering at me for wearing something provocative or having flashy jewelry on.
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:42 PM   #5
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I'm pretty darn bitter about it. I finally broke down and showed a new guy I was seeing what I used to weigh, and I could tell he couldn't reconcile the images. And I know he'd have not paid any (desired) attention to me at my highest weight, but I'll give him the nod that he did get interested in me at 230lbs.

My main mental hurdle is that any guy who checks me out, I admonish him for not likely to have been into me 115 lbs ago. Sorry to the world of men for being bitter about that.

And man, the guys who have known me for a decade and saw me get real heavy and get back down again and suddenly hone in like vultures? So much bitterness. So much.
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:52 PM   #6
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I'm actually waiting for the guys I've known for a while to "vulture" me. (I always find most of my guy friends attractive myself). I already accepted the fact that its stupid they don't find me attractive now, but will in like 30 or so pounds...I had my gripes with it, but it is what it is. However if someone that I have known for a while expresses direct interest in me when I'm finally thinner; It'll have to be case by case. I'm SURE I will bring up the fact they like me now that I'm slim, and see if they feel stupid explaining themselves.
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Old 10-20-2012, 04:27 PM   #7
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I guess it's different for me in that I've been in a relationship when heavy and I'm still in the same relationship now. I laugh off men who obviously would have never paid attention to me before and while I was bitter about it at first, I realize that I should just enjoy what I've accomplished.

It's still strange to catch the eyes of men and have them talk and flirt with me. Someone at my gym recently tried to pursue me, but even those who go to my gym (and thus have known me since I was a teen) laughed him off and said that I was taken and he was too late. I liked that idea: they were all "too late."

I'm still bitter though that people are kinder to me and men go out of their way to chat me up or do favors for me. None of that happened when I was heavier.
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:10 PM   #8
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that's funny actually- I hate the attention. I have always gotten attention- and have always had male friends- except now they make sexual jokes at me, so i get to tell them where to go and how to get there.

As for the "cracking and showing people pics of what you used to look like". It's funny- because I feel as though I SHOULD be embarrassed? To be quite frank with you- I'm hot at h***, I have stretch marks, they are my tiger stripes. It usually comes up, that yes, I was fat, yes, I am not healthy, and fitness is exceptionally important to me. I was recently on a date with a guy who lifts weights, and he said something about his brother lifting too heavy and getting a giant stretch mark, and something something to that effect- I proceeded to tell him how much I love mine, and how proud I am of them.

Just me?


ha ha ha. But then again, discussions of obesity, fatness, weight, and health/fitness do not intimidate/scare me.

Also, could just be me again.
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:36 PM   #9
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I hope that my age (49) offers me a bit of protection. I've never cared much for male attention. In fact, I've often felt harassed. Particularly when a guy just wouldn't hear me saying, "No!" I've been relieved in the last few years that men don't approach me like that anymore.
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:52 PM   #10
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I dislike the attention that comes from losing weight. All of sudden I'm worthy of attention.

It makes me feel like: hello, I was a person before I lost weight too. I had value before I lost weight too.

It annoys that me greatly that even simply because I was bigger and didn't dress rigt for my body before I was invisibile, and now apparently I'm "good enough". Ugh.
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:16 PM   #11
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I can't fault men for being less interested in women who are heavier. When I started dating my husband I was 150. When I got married I weighed 230. My high weight was 312. Did my husband love me at all of those weights? Yes. Was he as attracted to me? No. If he would have met me at 312 would he have asked me out? No. It's disheartening but true. Most people are visual people. Admittedly I wouldn't have been interested in him if I'd have met him at his high weight.

Edited to add: Most men have been nice to me whatever my weight. Women are a different story though. At my highest I wasn't good enough to breathe the same air as many women, now when I pass they grip their husbands and boyfriends a bit tighter when I walk by. I think it's hilarious.
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:18 PM   #12
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in regards to that, definitely had a lot of male friends suddenly interested (even though im seeing someone and they know him). as far as that goes, i think its unreal that they all hit on their friend's girlfriend.

it sort of irritates me and sort of doesnt. i know that i might be less attracted to a 275 lb man than to an average one. i cant blame them for being human. its more the audacity that they have. they think im not going to notice that they were NEVER interested before and that im not going to figure out why.
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:28 PM   #13
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It actually doesn't bother me... I know that people are generally more attracted to people of a healthy BMI, and if I'm honest that's part of the reason I'm losing weight. To get more attractive!! People who don't know my personality only have my looks to go on, and it makes a nice change to get attention!! That probably sounds horrendously vain.

I can imagine it would be horrible if it's a friend you've known for a while who knows you and your personality well, but wasn't interested until you're slim... this hasn't happened to me though!
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:31 PM   #14
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I think my issue is I don't get when/if someone is interested. Having been overweight/obese all my life, I'm so not used to someone being interested that I think I'm completely oblivious. I'm not totally lacking in self-esteem but I also have never thought "oooooh so-and-so wants me!" or whatever. And if by some chance, someone is blatantly obvious and beats me over the head with their interest and I found the whole thing sketchy, of all the suspect reasons I may come up with for their interest, my weight loss never really makes the list.

I wouldn't mind someone only wanting to date me now that I've lost weight as long as they weren't a jerk about it or about people struggling with weight. When I was heavier, I was scared to date because I didn't feel my self-esteem was in the right place that i wouldn't get taken advantage of, so I kept myself in the friend zone. Even now, I'm still learning my own worth and how it has nothing to do with weight or what any one else thinks but the point is that no, I'm not bothered that someone would want to date me now yet didn't when I was bigger as long as they are not bothered that the fact is I used to be bigger.
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Old 10-20-2012, 11:47 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katbot24 View Post
I luuuuuuuurve attention! I'm naturally flirtatious and my fiance likes to watch me pique another man's interest (not intentionally, we don't go out seeking men for me to flirt with or anything) and then swoop in and make it clear that I'm his.
I like your style, Katbot. Rock on!

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