I worked really hard to lose weight back in 2009/2010. I lost 70 pounds. While I was losing, one of the (albeit silly) things I looked forward to was being able to wear cute little clothes and being the sexy girlfriend that makes my man proud (even though I had no man at the time). I looked forward to being secure around men and NOT being jealous of any women.
In 2010 I reached my weight-loss goal and I was in tip top shape. For the first time in my life I was 100% happy with the way I looked.
I was having the time of my life.
In January of this year I met my boyfriend on a dating website. He's wonderful! But, I haven't been mentally strong enough to stay focused on weight-maintenance. I lost my focus and began eating out a lot with my boyfriend. See, I found out that it's easier for me to lose/maintain weight when I'm single - because I don't have to consider anyone else when I'm having my meals.
So, I've managed to gain around 30 or 40 pounds (this hurts to type) w/in the past 10 months or so. It hurts so much and I'm so unhappy with the way I look. I can't fit anything in my closet and I don't want to go anywhere. My boyfriend knows of my struggles and he's supportive and understanding. He actually struggles with his weight, too.
This year, I've had more starts and stops then I care to remember. It's so much harder for me to commit again. When I lost the 70 pounds back in 2009/2010, I did not struggle like this.
I'm so disappointed in myself. How did I let this happen?
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you guys. I think my posting here again is a good thing. I've been away for so long and that can't be good.
Ultimately, I need to know how to balance this relationship (having someone else in your life) with committing to my weight-loss. Eating is all around us. Any events we attend have food incorporated in some way or another it seems. It's a mental battle every single day...and I lose a lot.
The past couple of days have been OK, which is a start. I want to be that happy girlfriend I was in the beginning of my relationship.
Coming from a woman who let 80 pounds pile on, I'm so proud of you for realizing the direction you're going at 40 pounds. Just don't stop fighting that battle because it will always be there! No matter how often you lose, keep up the fight because eventually you'll win and you'll keep winning.
In my dating days, I always gained when I had a boyfriend. There were two factors. One, I was a "starving student" and a boyfriend meant regular meals, usually at a restaurant, fast food or takeout. Two, I wasn't paying attention to what or how much I was eating.
Now that I'm married with children, although I have gained and lost throughout the marriage, I find that maintaining and following a better diet is much easier. We eat out infrequently, and I'm cooking, or he's cooking so we have more control over what we eat.
Since your boyfriend also struggles with weight, then perhaps you can plan on cooking in more often. You can go out after. Plan more dates and time together that doesn't involve food, such as hiking, or rock climbing. My husband recently expressed his frustration in the fact that I "don't eat anything". I told him that my dieting and "not eating anything" isn't forever, and I think he'll survive, but that if it bothered him so much, perhaps we ought to plan more dates that don't revolve around food. There's no need for it to always be about calorie laden restaurant dinner followed by the movies!
Stress at work
Stress in relationship
No time to prepare healthy meals
No time to go to the gym
.....
Some people are never going to struggle with their weight and others, like you and me, are always going to need to be vigilant.
I'll just put another plug in for intermittent fasting here. I've maintained my loss for two years by intermittent fasting. I can eat pretty much whatever I want (just not however much I want) and for the last 18 months I haven't counted calories either. Intermittent fasting makes it fairly easy to limit caloric intake.
I'll just put another plug in for intermittent fasting here. I've maintained my loss for two years by intermittent fasting. I can eat pretty much whatever I want (just not however much I want) and for the last 18 months I haven't counted calories either. Intermittent fasting makes it fairly easy to limit caloric intake.
I'll second that. I'm a HUGE fan of IF. It will most definitely be one of my maintenance tools, no question.
I put the last 100 on when I met my man. I totally understand. We use to drive to the city once a month to blow $200 bucks on a "good" (full of cream sauce, pasta and deep fried stuff) meal.
Do you know what worked for me when I was dating and dieting? I'd cook one date a week. He'd sit at the table, have a glass of wine and we'd talk while I cooked. I really think it brought us closer and was more personal than a restaurant.
To me, there is something erotic in the intimacy of making a meal together in a cozy home or apartment. There is something special about carefully preparing quality ingredients for each other, then eating the meal at a simply, but thoughtfully arranged table.
There is nothing about preparing healthy, portion controlled food that ruins this picture. You are nurturing yourselves and your relationship. Nice meals require more thought than going to a restaurant, but by the time you factor in travel time, wait time etc., cooking at home probably doesn't take any more time, and it is time you get to spend with each other.
I can understand where you're coming from. Going out to eat can really be tough. Want to share fries? How about a bite of my pasta? Dessert?
What I've done, is instead of going out to eat, I offer to let him use that money to buy a new video game, or a computer upgrade. Something that makes him happy, while I get to cook the meals I know will be better for the -both- of us. And that has made -me- happy.
I think gaining weight in a relationship, while not good, has been the norm for most married couples. I know I'm guilty of it. Very much so!
It sounds like you have a great guy and you can be on your way to a happier lifestyle together Just have faith you can do it again!
Previous posters have made some great suggestions!
OP, I know how you feel. My weight gain came when I quit smoking and met my husband (these happened simultaneously). It's more than just going out for dinner with your partner; when you aren't in a relationship it can be so much easier to just focus on yourself. Don't kick yourself too hard for the regain, instead thank yourself for deciding to change the path you're headed down!
Lots of luck.
Last edited by Missy Krissy; 11-05-2012 at 12:11 PM.
Reason: spelling
In my experience, real life means making choices, instead of having your cake and eating it, too (bad pun, but you know what I mean). You CAN have dates and stay on plan, I do it with my husband as regularly as I can. But it means certain sacrifices must be made - eating lightly before or after the date, choosing more health-promoting items from the menu and making substitutions as needed, instead of just grabbing what sounds awesome and ignoring the impact on the bottom line. It also means picking and choosing, you can indulge occasionally, but occasionally probably can't be every weekend if you're trying to lose weight, and you can't do it if you're not spot on committed during the weekdays.
I have lost all my weight with two and more kids, work stress (with my hubby), birthdays to cook for, date nights, potlucks, and pregnancy. You can lose and maintain in ANY situation, but you must be willing to do the mental and physical work to make it happen. That means choosing wisely, adjusting your priorities, and yes, sometimes saying no to the restaurant when it makes more sense to hang out at home, on plan. You CAN do it, but you must dedicate yourself to your goals without excuse and make each choice as consciously as you can, don't phone it in and wiggle around and then wonder why the scale is up . (I say this as someone who has done that!)
You can get back on track, but you must commit to doing so and not let anything stand in your way. Your boyfriend need not be an excuse, you can still be on plan AND enjoy time with him, I promise
In my experience, real life means making choices, instead of having your cake and eating it, too (bad pun, but you know what I mean). You CAN have dates and stay on plan, I do it with my husband as regularly as I can. But it means certain sacrifices must be made - eating lightly before or after the date, choosing more health-promoting items from the menu and making substitutions as needed, instead of just grabbing what sounds awesome and ignoring the impact on the bottom line. It also means picking and choosing, you can indulge occasionally, but occasionally probably can't be every weekend if you're trying to lose weight, and you can't do it if you're not spot on committed during the weekdays.
I have lost all my weight with two and more kids, work stress (with my hubby), birthdays to cook for, date nights, potlucks, and pregnancy. You can lose and maintain in ANY situation, but you must be willing to do the mental and physical work to make it happen. That means choosing wisely, adjusting your priorities, and yes, sometimes saying no to the restaurant when it makes more sense to hang out at home, on plan. You CAN do it, but you must dedicate yourself to your goals without excuse and make each choice as consciously as you can, don't phone it in and wiggle around and then wonder why the scale is up . (I say this as someone who has done that!)
You can get back on track, but you must commit to doing so and not let anything stand in your way. Your boyfriend need not be an excuse, you can still be on plan AND enjoy time with him, I promise
This is a phenomenal post, even just for committing to change in general.
Thank you everyone!!! I appreciate the great advice and support. Tonight I cooked chicken breast, wild rice and broccoli. My BF and I ate it up and I have no guilts.
i lost 70 lbs in 2009 as well. i gained back 55 in ONE year. i totally feel you. i hate myself right now also and none of my clothes fit.
i had a huge collection of super cute clothes and buying them and picking out what to wear for the day was SO fun. now i hate all my clothes and i barely have anything that fits because buying bigger clothes sucks and i dont look cute in them anyway so why bother? i also struggle hard with guilt and "how could i let this happen?" thoughts... i have severe anxiety and i felt SO much better when i was thinner. how could i give that up for food?!?! its depressing.
the good news is: we can do it!!
my boyfriend is a cook and makes *amazing* meals every night. i agree that food is a huge social thing. since i started trying to lose he is really helping by making foods that are better for me. usually my biggest meal is dinner and i kill about 700 calories on it. the meals we make are as such that i can have a pretty big dinner for that much. ive found that if i try to spread my calories through the day evenly i will overeat at night.
a few months ago i took all my cute clothes and put them in a spare closet. it was SO depressing but when i get down to goal (or within 10 lbs or so) im going to open it and be SO happy!
ill get in that closet someday, and you'll get back in yours too!
Last edited by juliastl27; 11-06-2012 at 01:50 AM.
Real life is just that - real life. There's no magic place that we are whisked off to that only has chicken and broccoli on the menu when we're trying to lose weight.
Good news is, there are restaurants in real life that have chicken and broccoli on the the menu, so you don't have to be whisked away. I don't cook and eat out a lot. Going out to eat is my entertainment.
What's important is to be able to separate the FOOD from the ENTERTAINMENT. You can still go out as much as you like - just go to places that have things on the menu that fit within your plan. For example, instead of a deep dish pizza, have half a flat bread pizza with no toppings. Or, instead of a burger and fries, have a chicken sandwich with a vege for the side.
You don't have to give up on life to lose weight, you just have control what you're eating while enjoying life.
they are very similar! lets keep encouraging each other until we get back to where we want to be. i hit 20 lbs lost today so 35 more to go which puts us right about the same at this point.
Real Life
Eating is all around us. Any events we attend have food incorporated in some way or another it seems. It's a mental battle every single day...and I lose a lot. 
Just have faith you can do it again!
. (I say this as someone who has done that!)
