Coming up with a catchy title for this thread was hella hard. I just don't know how to sum up my particular problem without it being long winded... So I'm going to do my very best to highlight the particulars and then anxiously await some feedback. For starters, I have frequently haunted this web forum for nearly 2 years. (Not daily or even weekly.) But whenever I felt the need to be inspired, I would hop on - float around and drink up the discussions that seemed to relate to me best.
I'm 28 years old and overweight. (Duh!) If I weighed myself right now I'd probably cry. At the start of 2012 something clicked and I began a strong attempt at losing weight. For 3 1/2 months I saw nothing but positive changes. Nearly losing 30 lbs ... I was completely motivated. Well as per the usual, life happened. A series of unfortunate events seemed to snow ball onto me. To date, this has been the worst year I can remember dealing with. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm here. I survived -- but I packed the pounds back on and I lost my focus.
--- Okay here I go trying to get to the point. ---
I have two girlfriends that are every bit as overweight as I am -- and yet, neither one of them ever seem to show me any genuine support whenever I try to get healthy. One friend began losing in an unhealthy way by starving herself and making herself sick. Managing to drop 40 lbs she became a leading expert on healthy living, now believing herself to be the next workout guru. This friend whom I will refer to as Rachel can NEVER (and I mean NEVER) show me any support when I'm on the right path. If we sit down to catch up, she won't tell me I'm doing anything good. Even when I was actively working out and dropping weight, she seemed oblivious. My dream of supporting one another was quickly cancelled out, when Rachel showed me time and time again that when it came to losing weight -- it was all about HER. She would make snide remarks such as, "If I can do this you can." (And that would be about it for support.) If I made a mean lean dinner, her's was better, tastier and healthier. If I did a 30 minute kick boxing DVD, she did an hour long set -- plus she ran 5 miles while carrying 10 lb weights on each leg.
You catch the drift, right?
It got old FAST. So I eventually stopped talking about my progress. When I lost focus on weight loss, so did Rachel. No more talk of being healthy -- no more talk of working out. Instead she'd vent her sadness about her gaining weight back, and that I should get healthy with her again when she started back up... *snort* Having Rachel as a weight loss buddy is a joke. Thankfully our friendship is more internet based than real life because she's moved around a lot. Keeping in touch has been easy enough, but the lack of support and encouragement I receive from her just makes me sick.
I have one more friend to vent about... So let's meet Nicole...
Nicole is delusional when it comes to her weight. I'm not being mean. I'm being serious. I've tried to have those close heart to hearts that only friends can have ... But Nicole lives in her own world. When I'm eating healthy, and Nicole catches on then she follows suit. However her healthy eating and work out stints are far from legitimate. If we met up to go walking together, we'd make it less than a mile before we needed to run to the nearest Subway so she could eat because her metabolism was up. (And by run I mean drive.) Heckling me for managing my calorie and sodium intake, I'd have to deal with Nicole and all of her critical abuse. Constantly comparing my body shape to her's she would often make me feel guilty for wanting to get healthy. Venting about my weight loss goals always resulted in her pointing out how she was WAY more overweight than I was, and that I didn't have rolls like she did and blah blah blah.
I'm a supportive person as well as honest. I would discourage negative thinking, and encourage her to be open minded and positive. We BOTH needed to get healthy. Eventually, it fell through... The girl is still delusional though. Every time we talk she's lost another 30+ pounds of imagination and day dreams. No joke. Nicole's husband and Mother have expressed their concerns for her weight gain. This chick will look you straight in the eye and swear to you by all that is holy that she's lost 16 lbs in a WEEK because of water weight and da da da. She's always starving, yet always eating. I'm probably rambling but I don't mean to! I'm just so frustrated. Same as with Rachel, if I tell Nicole I ran a mile -- you best believe I will NOT get any kind of congratulations. Instead I'm told that she ran 8 miles and that's the end of that.
After typing all of this, I've had to ask myself what the point is. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I'm just SO frustrated. I know full well how powerful the internet is as a resource for support in all things - including weight loss. But, I just wish that I could dive back into the pool with someone I've grown up with. Someone that understands me and supports me. Instead, I always end up listening to them list their accomplishments while disregarding mine. Though I'd prefer to get healthy cold turkey -- I'm the type of person that has to have a plan. Essentially I need healthy food in my house, so until I can front the cash I need for some healthy food, I'm sort of stuck.
I am exercising though and drinking water while watching my portion sizes. What I want is to kick start myself by the end of the month and get serious again. I just wish that I had some local girlfriends that could be serious with me. I know I've said this and that 10,000 times. Until we truly want to change we WON'T. So maybe that's where I'm wrong... In wanting them to be serious with me. However, I don't NEED them to lose weight with me. I just want them to be supportive. I want to be able to talk to them about my ups and downs. They've proven to me time and time again that they can't sit on the sidelines and cheer me on. They can't listen to me and show any support. Instead they hop up (usually figuratively) to show case nothing but competitive behavior.
Why? Why is it so hard to be supportive of me as I try? Why are they more content for us all to be fat and unhappy? I don't get it.
How should I go about my new 'reset'? Should I be vocal about my weight loss journey? Can anyone offer me some sort of advice? I'm struggling with this concern.... Primarily because I noticed something I'd never caught before...
Last Halloween Nicole took a picture of me in my Halloween costume. Showing it to me I was DEVASTATED by my appearance. I wasn't aware I looked SO awful. I really wasn't. I was comfortably wearing a size 18... and while that's not the best, I just didn't think I looked terrible. This picture however... was awful. Last night I stumbled across that picture. (I had saved it for motivation.) But last night, I realized that she had photoshopped the picture. Yes, photoshopped it! I don't know how I missed the erratic and disproportionate line of side, hip and thigh... But I did. The quality is grainy, the contrast enhanced -- and pixilated blurs galore.
I asked my sister what kind of friend would do that to a person ... and she pointed out that Nicole was no friend in the first place for doing such a thing.
Still though, why? Do people really feel that much better about themselves when sabotaging others and bringing them down? Is weight loss that scary of a concept for others? I'm so lost! I'm angry, I'm frustrated... and all the more determined. I just really want some support.
My apologies for such a large rant... But I needed to get this off my chest. Hopefully one of you can survive the length of the post and give me some insight.