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Old 10-08-2012, 04:29 AM   #1
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Default weight and intimacy

wondering if any of you feel like your weight has affected your sex life? if it has, how so? do you think you're less confident or he's less interested? i hear a lot of friends talk about this and have some poor experiences in my history regarding being overweight and engaged in a sexual relationship.

just curious.
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Old 10-08-2012, 06:45 AM   #2
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I would absolutely say it has for me. It's kinda like I feel like I don't deserve to get any anymore. Plus, I find it to be a lot harder when it first happens. I do feel sometimes like the husband doesn't want me, but there is a huge chance it's all in my head. Just hope it gets better again...
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Old 10-08-2012, 07:28 AM   #3
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for my husband no problems or issues, the man still sees me as a 125lb size 5 woman (God love him)! i on the other hand have major issues with my weight and my sexiness, need/want of it n all n it drives my husband crazy! so the only issue we have is my hang up which does get rough some times.
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:00 AM   #4
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My weight really impacted my sex life. When I was heavy, it became harder and harder to be intimate. Not only because was I insecure about my size, I didn't feel beautiful, and I didn't feel sexy, and my confidence was in the toilet, there was the mechanics of working around all that fat. It also became a lot harder to climax. I just wasn't in the mood.

I think that even though my husband has always said he thinks I'm beautiful, at some point I think he was turned off by my size. And even if he wasn't, my whole attitude was a turn off. I won't even go in to that, but I was a blobby mess. They say that how you feel can affect how you look, and I believe it. When I started losing the weight, even when I was still heavy, my confidence soared. I felt better about myself and I felt more comfortable in my own skin. I think I projected this and it made me more attractive altogether. KWIM?

My sex life with my husband has improved. Like 10 fold. We're talking a few times a year to a few times a week! And not just because he wants to, but because I do! He's responded to my size, and physical appearance, but he also likes my attitude. Plus, my smaller size makes the mechanics of the act easier. And one thing I didn't expect.... I think the strength I have developed in my pelvic muscles with exercise has improved the "Big O". Seriously!
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:15 AM   #5
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It affected me but never my dh.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:50 AM   #6
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It affects me quite a bit. My hubby not at all. My hubby won't even acknowledge that I am chubby, much less that I am this big. He says he is just as turned on by me now as when I was 130 pounds. But, I don't believe him. I always feel like he is disgusted with me, so I have trouble relaxing with him. He never says anything to make me feel that way, but I still do. He says he sees me differently than I see myself, and that I am beautiful, but how can he think that? I always worry about the fat rolls and what if it jiggles and oh my god, what if he touches me and feels the lumps and rolls.

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Old 10-08-2012, 10:14 AM   #7
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My husband has never stopped desiring me .. (although sometimes I wish he would just give me a break!!!) But it was different from my side. I didn't feel sexy - forget anything sexy to wear! And yes, the mechanics of it ... My husband is a larger guy, not extreme by any means but about 6' 5" and a little under 300 lbs so it's hard enough for me to maneuver ..

I fit back into those little things now, but I do think IP affected my sex drive in relation to hormones. I'm already pre-menopausal and my drive went to 0 throughout the diet. Just starting to get back there now.

I don't think we see ourselves the same way as our partners. Look at all the posts, the guys see beauty where we see fat. Maybe we need to switch to their view a little more ....
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:19 AM   #8
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though it didn't really stop my husband before, he did mention that he likes his slim wife.... it didn't bother me one way or another.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:24 AM   #9
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It isn't my weight that's the problem. I've been heavy for as long as my husband and I have been together. He likes big women. However, we stopped having sex about 3 years ago. It's like a light switch flipped off and we both lost our sex drives. To be honest, mine had been diminishing for a long time before that; I just didn't want it. My husband reached that point a few years later. For him, it's due to erectile dysfunction that pills really don't help. For me, I dunno, I just lost interest. Which is surprising given what a horn dog I'd been for most of my life.
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Old 10-08-2012, 11:17 AM   #10
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Weight loss, so far, has actually done quite the opposite for me. I've actually found myself wanting it LESS. I think it may have something to do with the fact that my hormones were a little whacky before, and I was a complete horn dog at times. Now that they've evened out some more since I've lost some weight (I have PCOS), it's like I'm kinda ambivalent about sex at times. Like, I'd be totally fine with once a week usually instead of three or four times a week as before.

Nothing has changed for my dbf. I was heavy when I met him, though a little lighter, and weight loss or weight gain has done nothing to his sex drive. He could definitely go multiple times a day, which considering my libido trouble as of late, has caused more than one argument.
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Old 10-08-2012, 11:42 AM   #11
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I think I sought sex as some sort of validation for my self-worth when I was heavier. Now that I'm getting lighter, it's less of a selfish "need" and has become something to mutually enjoy with my husband. I think the fact that it has gotten better has very little to do with actual weight loss and is much more about how my self-perception has changed with my diminishing anxieties.

The anxieties are a whole other story regardless, and I think they've been the real root of my weight problems throughout most of my life. Now that I'm finally aware of the issues and am figuring out how to take care of them, all sorts of aspects in my life are improving.
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Old 10-08-2012, 11:52 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masterptr View Post
though it didn't really stop my husband before, he did mention that he likes his slim wife.... it didn't bother me one way or another.
That's us. In hindsight my husband is appreciative of the hard work I've put into slimming down and getting stronger, but it didn't impact the quality of our sex life in any appreciable way. I never felt strongly one way or the other, I'm still me regardless of weight! It affected how I feel day to day, with clothes ON, a whole lot more. My husband has always been 'safe territory' for me, thankfully.
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Old 10-08-2012, 12:59 PM   #13
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It definitely killed my libido. It didn't really make a difference to DH as far as want/willingness, but I'm 100% sure he is happier with things since I've lost weight since my libido is back and very strong (and I look better of course). It's a whole different world now, for me!
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Old 10-08-2012, 01:31 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Song of Surly View Post
Weight loss, so far, has actually done quite the opposite for me. I've actually found myself wanting it LESS.
Same here.

The weight made me more insecure to move around during sex, but I still enjoyed it and so did my husband. My husband and I are very similar about how our weight affects our sex life. We don't really mind the other person's extra weight, it's our own that makes us most uncomfortable. Not that my husband has much to lose, he's a soldier and in pretty good shape, but he's got this way that he likes to look and if he's not there, he feels fat, I guess.

My husband did comment recently about how sex feels different since I've lost weight and that it makes him want to get really serious about it as well. So... I guess I really can't tell how weight affected our sex life until I lose it all. For all I know, the extra weight made our sex life good while being small could make it great.
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Old 10-08-2012, 01:32 PM   #15
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I think my self confidence took the biggest nose dive in my life when my now ex-husband stopped having sex with me for 2 years before we divorced. He would never tell me it was because of my weight but I knew he wasn't attracted to me anymore...heck...I wasn't attracted to me either and that made it worse. It's not that he's never been with a big woman before....I think my own lack of confidence showed the most...but of course, I believe my weight had a lot to do with it (I mean...why would he have an affair with a thin woman yet tell me that he's just not in the mood...yeah...doesn't make sense). Anyways....I had to learn to work from the inside out and love myself regardless of my weight. Yes, losing is a great thing for my health and it enhances my confidence and no doubt I'll look better physically.....but that self love should be there at ALL times...because it shows..and men see it and that in itself is attractive.
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