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Old 09-29-2012, 02:25 AM   #1
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Default Need someone to read this, please? Advice?

This might be a long read...and a pretty deep one at that... I need someone who isn't my family, or my friends, to talk to. Someone new. We'll see where this goes..

I keep a small green journal in my purse, and i keep a small record of encouraging thoughts, or issues with my weight loss. (super quick recap of my life: grew up chubby, overweight whole adult life, never known thin. Lost 45lbs so far, and i think 25 more would show a new me i've never seen.)

Here's one of my entries i keep coming back to, as i am stuck in this "not really dieting" rut.

"7/8/12
I've been at 170lbs for what feels like a year now. I'm starting to wonder what my goals really are. Is it selfish of me to want a thin, fit stomach? Why is it so important? But on the other hand , i've never been there. I just don't want to forget who i am, and my thoughts about body image. I can still tell the difference between when i eat good, and when i don't. I just feel like i'm getting bored with health food. I just start to wonder if my body is meant to be like this. I just want to be a normal size.
If i lose any more weight, it will be the thinnest i've been in my entire life. I'll be uncovered. exposed. i want to have confidence like that though. But should all my confidence not come from my talents and attitude? Then i wonder, have i been this shape long enough? am i ready to look like everyone else?
I know the diets. I know the routine..
I want to be able to wear what i want, like a bikini for the first time. Or a nice Halloween costume. My tummy is such a hindrance when i want to express myself. I'd like to paint a self portrait, so should i do it now, at this weight, and be happy with my size? People always say be happy with your size, but what if it's unhealthy?...That's not really happiness. So should i do a portrait once i reach my goal, as a reward, and a "reveal?"
Are my goals just selfish? My husband sees me as sexy and beautiful, at any weight. That's definite. So should i lose the weight for him? As a "reward" of sorts for loving me as he does?
The only "goal" or "excuse" i have for losing weight now, is that my extra tummy "hinders" me. I'm completely emotionally inhibited by how it feels around my stomach. I hate when Justin playfully grabs my midsection, I get defensive. I despise it. I've always had it and i can remember seeing it when i was probably 7 and thinking "this isnt pretty".
I wonder what it feels like to be completley happy about your looks.
I want to not be inhibited by my weight. I want to be my unique self, and noticed for my eyes, or my hair, my laugh. not overlooked because of my size. I want people to see all the differences in me, uncovered by a layer of fluff."

I've gotten to the point now, of why i want to lose weight, for whatever reasons, the want is still there. But it's the drive that i lack. I think i might have figured it out:
When i started my "i don't know how but i'm gonna lose weight" thing a couple years ago, i blindly tried to eat better, but determined not to go back to my parent's "atkins" (i effing hate that diet), mindset. So i followed the footsteps of a new coworker, that opened up the idea of calorie counting. I loved it. It worked. Until i hit a plateau. I've never recovered.
The enthusiasm, also, of trying a new type of diet apart from my parents, is gone. My mom has now done calorie counting. The excitement of "i'm doing my own thing, and they have now asked me what i'm doing to lose weight", has gone.

How do i get that back?
I've always felt that my mom was never truly proud of me unless I was fit/lost weight. So calorie counting was a new thing for my whole family and when it worked, i was gaining my own pride.
What new thing is going to get me excited about this?
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:35 AM   #2
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:05 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RookaWins View Post
This might be a long read...and a pretty deep one at that... I need someone who isn't my family, or my friends, to talk to. Someone new. We'll see where this goes..

I keep a small green journal in my purse, and i keep a small record of encouraging thoughts, or issues with my weight loss. (super quick recap of my life: grew up chubby, overweight whole adult life, never known thin. Lost 45lbs so far, and i think 25 more would show a new me i've never seen.)

Here's one of my entries i keep coming back to, as i am stuck in this "not really dieting" rut.

"7/8/12
I've been at 170lbs for what feels like a year now. I'm starting to wonder what my goals really are. Is it selfish of me to want a thin, fit stomach? Why is it so important? But on the other hand , i've never been there. I just don't want to forget who i am, and my thoughts about body image. I can still tell the difference between when i eat good, and when i don't. I just feel like i'm getting bored with health food. I just start to wonder if my body is meant to be like this. I just want to be a normal size.
If i lose any more weight, it will be the thinnest i've been in my entire life. I'll be uncovered. exposed. i want to have confidence like that though. But should all my confidence not come from my talents and attitude? Then i wonder, have i been this shape long enough? am i ready to look like everyone else?
I know the diets. I know the routine..
I want to be able to wear what i want, like a bikini for the first time. Or a nice Halloween costume. My tummy is such a hindrance when i want to express myself. I'd like to paint a self portrait, so should i do it now, at this weight, and be happy with my size? People always say be happy with your size, but what if it's unhealthy?...That's not really happiness. So should i do a portrait once i reach my goal, as a reward, and a "reveal?"
Are my goals just selfish? My husband sees me as sexy and beautiful, at any weight. That's definite. So should i lose the weight for him? As a "reward" of sorts for loving me as he does?
The only "goal" or "excuse" i have for losing weight now, is that my extra tummy "hinders" me. I'm completely emotionally inhibited by how it feels around my stomach. I hate when Justin playfully grabs my midsection, I get defensive. I despise it. I've always had it and i can remember seeing it when i was probably 7 and thinking "this isnt pretty".
I wonder what it feels like to be completley happy about your looks.
I want to not be inhibited by my weight. I want to be my unique self, and noticed for my eyes, or my hair, my laugh. not overlooked because of my size. I want people to see all the differences in me, uncovered by a layer of fluff."

I've gotten to the point now, of why i want to lose weight, for whatever reasons, the want is still there. But it's the drive that i lack. I think i might have figured it out:
When i started my "i don't know how but i'm gonna lose weight" thing a couple years ago, i blindly tried to eat better, but determined not to go back to my parent's "atkins" (i effing hate that diet), mindset. So i followed the footsteps of a new coworker, that opened up the idea of calorie counting. I loved it. It worked. Until i hit a plateau. I've never recovered.
The enthusiasm, also, of trying a new type of diet apart from my parents, is gone. My mom has now done calorie counting. The excitement of "i'm doing my own thing, and they have now asked me what i'm doing to lose weight", has gone.

How do i get that back?
I've always felt that my mom was never truly proud of me unless I was fit/lost weight. So calorie counting was a new thing for my whole family and when it worked, i was gaining my own pride.
What new thing is going to get me excited about this?
Sometimes when people have been 1 thing their entire life that is their identity - even if it's negative. Loosing that identity is difficult and you might fight yourself to avoid loosing yourself (if that made sense). You keep saying you are about to revel a new person, some part of you might be scared at that prospect. The prospect of loosing yourself and the enormity of the expectation you have placed on yourself to be a entirely new person.

You also mention a lot that you don't deserve the weight loss. Why?

It also seems like your weight loss has been for other people. That motivation can only get you so far, lasting change (any kind of change) comes wanting to change for yourself.

Lastly, I just think you hit a plateau. And that can difficult. And just a plateau alone can cause all sorts of de-motivation and self doubts. And boredom.

You need to mix it up, find different foods. Take your favorites and make them more diet-friendly. Find different workouts. If you are a cardio girl, start lifting. If you are a gym girl, go hiking. Stop comparing yourself to your family and you might need to stop talking about your weight loss with them. Make it an off-limits subject if you need to. Find a fitness buddy! Fake it until you make it (motivation wise). This slump is something only you can get yourself out of but you can do it!
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:24 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by NothingButChanges View Post
Sometimes when people have been 1 thing their entire life that is their identity - even if it's negative. Loosing that identity is difficult and you might fight yourself to avoid loosing yourself (if that made sense). You keep saying you are about to revel a new person, some part of you might be scared at that prospect. The prospect of loosing yourself and the enormity of the expectation you have placed on yourself to be a entirely new person.

You also mention a lot that you don't deserve the weight loss. Why?

It also seems like your weight loss has been for other people. That motivation can only get you so far, lasting change (any kind of change) comes wanting to change for yourself.

Lastly, I just think you hit a plateau. And that can difficult. And just a plateau alone can cause all sorts of de-motivation and self doubts. And boredom.

You need to mix it up, find different foods. Take your favorites and make them more diet-friendly. Find different workouts. If you are a cardio girl, start lifting. If you are a gym girl, go hiking. Stop comparing yourself to your family and you might need to stop talking about your weight loss with them. Make it an off-limits subject if you need to. Find a fitness buddy! Fake it until you make it (motivation wise). This slump is something only you can get yourself out of but you can do it!
that helped a lot. and i think you're right about me being scared to "reveal" a new person and losing my identity.. how to solve that though?
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:43 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by RookaWins View Post
that helped a lot. and i think you're right about me being scared to "reveal" a new person and losing my identity.. how to solve that though?
By understanding that you are not reveling a whole new person, you are reveling a healthier, more confident, sexier-feeling, can finally wear what she wants YOU! You're not losing anything, you are just improving on what is already there. You are still who you are regardless of weight loss. Some things will change, of course, but your core-ness (yes, that is a word because I just made it up lol) will stay the same. Your healthy weight and more positive self-image will just be one more thing for for people to love about you.
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Old 09-29-2012, 08:29 AM   #6
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"How do i get that back?"

Sometimes I get bored with calorie counting and eating healthy and it helps to find new receipes. Maybe buy a new cookbook or check out healthy blogs and web sites. Anything gets dull after a while
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Old 09-29-2012, 09:03 AM   #7
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Dieting is the road to improved health. Being able to wear smaller, more attractive clothes is a bonus. I agree do not talk about your diet with your family, if they ask about it just say you are eating healthy. It would be nice if your mother could be proud of you but if she is not capable of that, it is not your fault. Be proud of yourself.
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Old 09-29-2012, 09:19 AM   #8
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Like you, I've always been overweight or obese. I have had moments where I was almost within my healthy weight range, but I think I got scared and ended up gaining a bunch of weight.
More recently, I got down to 203 pounds (last summer). I am tall and "carry my weight well" and got a lot of attention because I actually looked a lot thinner than my weight, much of it male attention, including from exes of mine, as well as everyone I knew talking about how good I looked constantly. I am shy, and it made me uncomfortable. I also felt like I didn't know myself and I wasn't ready to keep losing weight and get under 200, and then down to 172, my lowest weight since probably middle school. I felt like everyone was asking me about my diet and exercise and thought that it was easy for me, that I wasn't killing myself with an hour on the elliptical and eating next to nothing every day (felt like it, this wasn't the case). I almost never drank wine and almost never ate anything as any kind of splurge. I was depriving myself of a social life and time with my husband to get thin because I was working fulltime and spending my time after work and weekends exercising and eating healthy food alone, not with others. Then one day, I started letting the exercise slip a bit and went out more, drank a little, etc. And it was fun and I liked it. And then I started splurging a bit on food. And I liked that too. And then a few months later when I was ready to get back to it, I'd gained back 30 pounds from the 80 I'd lost. It is a really horrible, hopeless feeling--you don't want to be there. It took me a solid month to forgive myself and get determined to keep going on this journey. I've relost 7 pounds so far, but it has been hard.
My point of this long rambling post is that you can't be afraid to reach your goals. Don't let the people in your life dictate how you feel about your diet, your body, your life. If once you get there, you decide you don't want to be that thin, you don't have to stay there. But give yourself the gift of getting there. You deserve to be happy and to be proud and have that flat stomach you've never had (me either!). Don't give up. Sending strength to you!
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Old 09-29-2012, 10:38 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heathermichigan View Post
Like you, I've always been overweight or obese. I have had moments where I was almost within my healthy weight range, but I think I got scared and ended up gaining a bunch of weight.
More recently, I got down to 203 pounds (last summer). I am tall and "carry my weight well" and got a lot of attention because I actually looked a lot thinner than my weight, much of it male attention, including from exes of mine, as well as everyone I knew talking about how good I looked constantly. I am shy, and it made me uncomfortable. I also felt like I didn't know myself and I wasn't ready to keep losing weight and get under 200, and then down to 172, my lowest weight since probably middle school. I felt like everyone was asking me about my diet and exercise and thought that it was easy for me, that I wasn't killing myself with an hour on the elliptical and eating next to nothing every day (felt like it, this wasn't the case). I almost never drank wine and almost never ate anything as any kind of splurge. I was depriving myself of a social life and time with my husband to get thin because I was working fulltime and spending my time after work and weekends exercising and eating healthy food alone, not with others. Then one day, I started letting the exercise slip a bit and went out more, drank a little, etc. And it was fun and I liked it. And then I started splurging a bit on food. And I liked that too. And then a few months later when I was ready to get back to it, I'd gained back 30 pounds from the 80 I'd lost. It is a really horrible, hopeless feeling--you don't want to be there. It took me a solid month to forgive myself and get determined to keep going on this journey. I've relost 7 pounds so far, but it has been hard.
My point of this long rambling post is that you can't be afraid to reach your goals. Don't let the people in your life dictate how you feel about your diet, your body, your life. If once you get there, you decide you don't want to be that thin, you don't have to stay there. But give yourself the gift of getting there. You deserve to be happy and to be proud and have that flat stomach you've never had (me either!). Don't give up. Sending strength to you!
Great advice in this post.
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Old 09-29-2012, 12:15 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heathermichigan View Post
Like you, I've always been overweight or obese. I have had moments where I was almost within my healthy weight range, but I think I got scared and ended up gaining a bunch of weight.
More recently, I got down to 203 pounds (last summer). I am tall and "carry my weight well" and got a lot of attention because I actually looked a lot thinner than my weight, much of it male attention, including from exes of mine, as well as everyone I knew talking about how good I looked constantly. I am shy, and it made me uncomfortable. I also felt like I didn't know myself and I wasn't ready to keep losing weight and get under 200, and then down to 172, my lowest weight since probably middle school. I felt like everyone was asking me about my diet and exercise and thought that it was easy for me, that I wasn't killing myself with an hour on the elliptical and eating next to nothing every day (felt like it, this wasn't the case). I almost never drank wine and almost never ate anything as any kind of splurge. I was depriving myself of a social life and time with my husband to get thin because I was working fulltime and spending my time after work and weekends exercising and eating healthy food alone, not with others. Then one day, I started letting the exercise slip a bit and went out more, drank a little, etc. And it was fun and I liked it. And then I started splurging a bit on food. And I liked that too. And then a few months later when I was ready to get back to it, I'd gained back 30 pounds from the 80 I'd lost. It is a really horrible, hopeless feeling--you don't want to be there. It took me a solid month to forgive myself and get determined to keep going on this journey. I've relost 7 pounds so far, but it has been hard.
My point of this long rambling post is that you can't be afraid to reach your goals. Don't let the people in your life dictate how you feel about your diet, your body, your life. If once you get there, you decide you don't want to be that thin, you don't have to stay there. But give yourself the gift of getting there. You deserve to be happy and to be proud and have that flat stomach you've never had (me either!). Don't give up. Sending strength to you!
thank you guys so much for the advice. I'll have to meditate on these responses. They really are what i needed to hear.
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Old 09-29-2012, 04:26 PM   #11
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Just a thought. Sometimes, on a "restart," I like to follow something very specific, if only for a week or two. it breaks up the monotony, and reminds me how much I love the variety of foods that a healthy diet can contain. You said you hated Atkins. What about the opposite -- low-fat vegan? Or even one of those magazine diets where they give you day-to-day menus? Again -- not something that I would ever commit to doing long-term. But it's generally a nice drop in the week or two I do it, and I get to remember that when I'm calorie counting, I don't have to be nearly as restrictive in what I can eat.
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Old 09-29-2012, 04:47 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RookaWins View Post
This might be a long read...and a pretty deep one at that... I need someone who isn't my family, or my friends, to talk to. Someone new. We'll see where this goes..

I keep a small green journal in my purse, and i keep a small record of encouraging thoughts, or issues with my weight loss. (super quick recap of my life: grew up chubby, overweight whole adult life, never known thin. Lost 45lbs so far, and i think 25 more would show a new me i've never seen.)

Here's one of my entries i keep coming back to, as i am stuck in this "not really dieting" rut.

"7/8/12
I've been at 170lbs for what feels like a year now. I'm starting to wonder what my goals really are. Is it selfish of me to want a thin, fit stomach? Why is it so important? But on the other hand , i've never been there. I just don't want to forget who i am, and my thoughts about body image. I can still tell the difference between when i eat good, and when i don't. I just feel like i'm getting bored with health food. I just start to wonder if my body is meant to be like this. I just want to be a normal size.
If i lose any more weight, it will be the thinnest i've been in my entire life. I'll be uncovered. exposed. i want to have confidence like that though. But should all my confidence not come from my talents and attitude? Then i wonder, have i been this shape long enough? am i ready to look like everyone else?
I know the diets. I know the routine..
I want to be able to wear what i want, like a bikini for the first time. Or a nice Halloween costume. My tummy is such a hindrance when i want to express myself. I'd like to paint a self portrait, so should i do it now, at this weight, and be happy with my size? People always say be happy with your size, but what if it's unhealthy?...That's not really happiness. So should i do a portrait once i reach my goal, as a reward, and a "reveal?"
Are my goals just selfish? My husband sees me as sexy and beautiful, at any weight. That's definite. So should i lose the weight for him? As a "reward" of sorts for loving me as he does?
The only "goal" or "excuse" i have for losing weight now, is that my extra tummy "hinders" me. I'm completely emotionally inhibited by how it feels around my stomach. I hate when Justin playfully grabs my midsection, I get defensive. I despise it. I've always had it and i can remember seeing it when i was probably 7 and thinking "this isnt pretty".
I wonder what it feels like to be completley happy about your looks.
I want to not be inhibited by my weight. I want to be my unique self, and noticed for my eyes, or my hair, my laugh. not overlooked because of my size. I want people to see all the differences in me, uncovered by a layer of fluff."

I've gotten to the point now, of why i want to lose weight, for whatever reasons, the want is still there. But it's the drive that i lack. I think i might have figured it out:
When i started my "i don't know how but i'm gonna lose weight" thing a couple years ago, i blindly tried to eat better, but determined not to go back to my parent's "atkins" (i effing hate that diet), mindset. So i followed the footsteps of a new coworker, that opened up the idea of calorie counting. I loved it. It worked. Until i hit a plateau. I've never recovered.
The enthusiasm, also, of trying a new type of diet apart from my parents, is gone. My mom has now done calorie counting. The excitement of "i'm doing my own thing, and they have now asked me what i'm doing to lose weight", has gone.

How do i get that back?
I've always felt that my mom was never truly proud of me unless I was fit/lost weight. So calorie counting was a new thing for my whole family and when it worked, i was gaining my own pride.
What new thing is going to get me excited about this?
Make sure you check out MIXINTHEKITCHEN thread lots of great OP Recipies.
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