Back at my heaviest - and when I didn't care. I'd sometimes make myself an entire lemon pie and eat the whole thing in one day as well. It's a wonder I wasn't 300 lbs.
SAME HERE except it was a cake
Last edited by 1spunkygal; 10-01-2012 at 06:51 PM.
Warming up flour tortillas and spreading them with Nutella - three or four (or more!) a night! Dropping chocolate chips into the peanut butter jar and scooping out bites... Slurping up handfuls of cold pasta while putting it away after dinner - ugh, makes my stomach hurt to think of it now! No wonder I got so fat and was winded from walking up to the back row at the local movie theater. Denial and justification is a wonderful thing - NOT!!
Ice cream never lasted more than a day or two in my house, even a half gallon. I remember being home sick one day and buying a box of drumsticks when I went to the store to get soup. I ate one, then another, then decided I had to finish the box so my son (then 6?) wouldn't see them. I really don't remember what I used to eat for lunches and dinners, but I remember eating lots of sweets and snacks on evenings and weekends. Full bags of cookies, candy, chips, etc.
I missed out on so much life!! Was too heavy for horseback riding and zip lining, was too out of shape for hiking, and was constantly stressed about fitting into seats on airplanes. I avoided both business and pleasure trips.
Maintenance is hard. I hoped that somehow I would escape that fact. I was ok at first, but now if I am not logging (I lost my weight through calorie counting) then I find myself slipping back into old habits. Not to the same degree, and less junk, but the eating just to eat.
Southwest breakfast bagel from a local convenience store almost every work day morning. Sometimes two of them. They consist of a full size bagel, a 4 oz sausage pattie, and a slice of pepper jack cheese. Add a couple candy bars for lunch, a box of snack crackers or tube of Pringles at my desk during the day, and a whole pound of pasta for supper. Then some evening snacks.
I could eat a container of ice cream in 2 days. And I'm in there with the rest of you on the salt and vinegar chips. The inside of my mouth would be raw.
Portion control is still a struggle. I agree with the labeling being pretty ridiculous regarding portions. When I point this out to friends now, they think I'm nuts or making the sizes up because I'm paying attention to it now. But when did a pound of pasta ever feed 8 people?!?! Not any 8 people I know!
Maintenance is hard. I hoped that somehow I would escape that fact.
In my case, I would say that maintenance has not been hard, but it HAS been a sacrifice. What I mean is that I'm almost never hungry, and if I am I have a small snack. I eat 2,000+ cals per day, only foods I enjoy, and I occasionally indulge massively. The sacrifice is simply that I can't eat what I want whenever I want. I happen to have a large appetite for food (could easily eat 4,000 cals per day), so there's some permanent restraint involved.
I posted yesterday bout the food I used to eat. I miss that sometimes, because, as Freelance said, I have a large appetite. I really enjoy all kinds of food - healthy and not so healthy. but mostly I enjoy eating. That's why I have to stay focused. And I manage to do it most of the time. tomorrow is one year to the day for maintaining a +/- 90 pound loss. That made me think about what really is different. I used to think I was OK at 250+ pounds because I had no apparent health issues. Everything was normal, I could walk all day, I could lift my kayak onto the roof of my SUV and get it into the water on my own, I fit into airplane and amusement ride seats. I considered myself "fat fit."
But at 90 pounds less than what I was 20 months ago, I realize that all the things I was "able" to do before, are way easier to do now. All aspects of my life are easier. It's easier to get out of a chair. It's easier to stand up from kneeling or sitting on the ground. It's easier to tie my shoes or paint my toe nails. It's easier to buy clothes. I never thought any of these things were difficult. but I realize just how much easier they are now. In my opinion, all of life is easier. Why wouldn't we want that for ourselves?
I love threads like this one that really make me think about things. I hope year 2 of being 160 pounds goes as well as the first one did. Maybe, just maybe, someday this will seem like the norm and therefor be a bit easier.
Lin
PS - I too would buy 2 small drinks with large fast food orders so the server would think it was for 2 people. That should have been my first clue, don't you think? Ha Ha.
Honestly, I think I blocked a lot of things out. Too painful. Enough things still linger though.
I remember not being able to breathe. Not that the asthma helped, but sometimes walking from one room to the next about killed me. I ended up in the ER a few times because I simply couldn't handle lugging my body around.
I remember crying because the closest parking we found for a convention was about a mile away from the center, and I wasn't sure I could walk it on top of being on my feet all day, and then walking back to the car again. I wasn't even near my highest weight.
I remember eating Burger King so often that the chicken sandwiches would make me feel sick after about halfway through. I haven't touched BK in about 6 years now and the thought of anything from there still turns my stomach.
I remember the waists of my jeans hurting, so I'd unfasten them as soon as I got home. I can't tell you how many zippers I broke by sitting down while wearing them unzipped! I'm not even sure how I justified it back then, but it certainly didn't seem like I was on my way to gaining another 100 pounds! Heck, I also remember complaining about how 2X's in the stores had gotten "smaller" . . . I certainly wasn't getting too big for them, right? If I picked up a bigger size it wasn't because the 2X's no longer fit me, it was because I wanted my shirts "baggy." Wow, was I delusional.
I remember shopping at a plus size store with a friend and leaving in a hurry so I could hide in the bathroom and cry. Why? I realized that they didn't have one pair of jeans that would even come close to fitting me: I was too fat for the fat store! No room to be delusional there.
I remember going through two Wisconsin winters with a coat that I could no longer zip up (a 26/28!), I'd gotten too big for it and couldn't afford to buy something that actually fit me.
I remember not being able to fit in the folding lunch tables when I was working with kids at a school. Well, I could fit if I sucked it in and kinda sat sideways. Oh, and not being able to do much actual playing with them outside of board games and coloring.
I remember hating to bend over for anything, even getting something from the bottom shelf of the fridge was a painful nightmare.
I remember food being the only thing I had in my life to look forward to and enjoy (very sad, now that I look back at it). But those were difficult personal times (angry and selfish boyfriend, loss of my parents, money issues, etc.) and I didn't know how to make things better. Worst of all, I remember feeling completely helpless and powerless to change. I'm not only amazed that I got started, but that I've made it this far.
Nice post. You're doing great on your weight-loss journey, and you're also a good writer.
I was certainly piggish at times before I started dieting, for sure. But now that I count every calorie that goes in my mouth and marvel at how few it takes to reach my daily limit, I shake my head when I think back to when I ate whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, and whenever I wanted. I'm amazed that I didn't truly balloon out of control and develop diabetes or something.
I love this thread so much. I try to keep my pre-weightloss habits in mind when I feel like I'm "failing." I am by no means near where I want to be as far as my lifestyle is concerned, but I have developed some really great habits that I no longer think about.
The one thing I really remember is getting home after school as a teenager and just EATING. Eating, eating, eating. Some days I just ate anything in sight until I was nearly sick. Cookies, sandwiches, cereal. It didn't even matter if the food was that good. Sometimes, when we were low on groceries, I could come up with the most absurd food to eat. I mean, marshmallow puff on white bread? Yuuck.
I also remember often eating nearly a whole box of shells and cheese by myself for lunch in college. A WHOLE BOX. That's a little over 1,000 calories!! Even though I still sometimes crave the stuff, I can't even bring myself to eat one serving of it now due to the insane calorie content.
I also used to hurt all the time. I was beginning to think that at my young age, I was having some kind of serious joint/muscle issues. With exercise, it has gotten SO much better. I still have a lot of problems with neck and hip pain, but at least I can now move around without too much soreness.
Looking back at myself now, I'm just amazed at all of the things that I didn't even realize were so awful for me and my capacity to eat an insane amount of calories in the blink of an eye.
It's so inspirational to see how far everyone has come. The most successful stories here at 3fc started somewhere, and it's nice to know that some of them weren't very different from where I started.
Last edited by Song of Surly; 10-04-2012 at 09:16 AM.
I thought of something else. Well, i could probably come up with about 15 more something elses...but yeah, I recently went through my wardrobe and realized that with the poundage gained, there was fashion sense lost. Now, we all know that a lot of the plus sized clothing looks more like drapery or couch covers than clothing, but MAN did my standards on style drop when I was at my highest.
It's been a lot of fun rediscovering my style so far, and I know it's only going to get better as the sizes drop. Oh the day that I'll be able to shop in regular sizes....it'll be magical.
Denial and justification is a wonderful thing - NOT!!
I'm not even sure how I justified it back then, but it certainly didn't seem like I was on my way to gaining another 100 pounds! Heck, I also remember complaining about how 2X's in the stores had gotten "smaller" . . . I certainly wasn't getting too big for them, right? If I picked up a bigger size it wasn't because the 2X's no longer fit me, it was because I wanted my shirts "baggy." Wow, was I delusional.
