I am so eager for the next 20lbs like you all wouldn't know. I want my body to CHANGE. I want to stop looking fat. I just want to look like a normal person with a normal body; nothing fancy or special or anything. But, although I've lost almost 90lbs overall, I still feel fat, but on a smaller scale. Like, all I did was shrink, but I still look like crap. I feel like I'll look like this forever. I know I won't, but it's so hard.
The progress pictures help, but it bothers me that I don't see what the pictures show on a daily basis. It bothers me that I've lost almost 100lbs and I still don't find myself acceptable. It bothers me that I really haven't gained that much confidence since I lost weight -- I'm still the same shy, insecure, unsure of myself person. I thought losing weight would be the cure-all for my problems, and it wasn't. I thought losing weight would be the key to my happiness. But it's not, not 100% anyway. I mean I'm glad that I've lost weight and you couldn't PAY me to go back to the way I was before, but like I said... I just thought things would be different. I thought a whole new, brighter me would come out and conquer the world. But nope, nothing's changed on the inside, if anything it's more confused and awkward and insecure than it was before.
I've never been thin, or really anything less than obese. I don't know how to be a normal weight. I don't know how to accept people associating me as normal. I don't know how to accept myself. All of this is extremely new territory, and I'm terrified and the bottom line is I just don't know how to handle it.
And there's my thoughts. Feel free to share your thoughts about mine. I'm so overwhelmed by all this crap; I'd like to settle down and just be happy and not care. Bleh.