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Old 08-06-2012, 09:45 AM   #1
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Exclamation Need everyone's opinion, please!

I have been looking for a partner in my area so that I can have someone to help keep me motivated and encouraged to work on my weight, and be a happier person. I am going through a divorce after 6 years of marriage, and I'm 23 years old with two young kids. I went from 330 pounds down to 272 since December 2011 by just changing my diet and walking almost everyday. I now have a "problem". I have someone that actually wants to help me, but I am scared that I will disappoint them. I asked for a workout partner, hoping someone else in my situation(fat) would come along wanting to lose weight. In reality what I got was a black 6'3 muscular bodybuilder/wrestler that wants to help me. Am I being silly for being scared that I can't live up to his expectations? I am not racist at all so that has nothing to do with it, its more how can I live up to what he can do that I know I can't? He said he will work with me on what I can and cannot do, and go with that but I'm still freaking out! I want the help, but now I'm unsure! What's your opinion on this?
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:49 AM   #2
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It can't hurt to try...If up until this point your exercise has only been walking, you probably don't really have a good idea of what you can and can't do in a workout. You might surprise yourself! That's probably doubly true if you have someone with more workout experience there to guide you.

Another thing, do you really have any connection to this person outside of the possible workout buddy thing you're trying to setup? If it was your best friend, I can see worrying about expectations, but if you two are more or less strangers, in his situation I...well...really wouldn't have any expectations. It's always best to go into a new venture with an open mind. I would give it a shot and try your best to not automatically assume that you can't do things that you haven't tried before. The worst that can happen is that yes, his workouts are a bit more intense than what you're ready for...so if you don't think that the situation's working out, you thank him for his time and try something different. If the two of you aren't bosom buddies, his feelings probably won't be hurt so long as you give it a legitimate chance before making a decision. He seems to be willing to help you, so I'm sure that he would understand if you just weren't prepared to keep up with the pace quite yet.

In any case, good on you for wanting to expand your exercises and best of luck.
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:40 AM   #3
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i'm not sure i understand the whole situation....how did you go about asking for a workout buddy? how did you guys end up knowing each other, where you can work out together? do you know him outside of the workouts? is he a trainer? and if not, what's he getting out of this if his level of exercise is far different than yours? ....could he be interested in you beyond working out? i dont know...i'm just thinking out loud
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Old 08-06-2012, 12:03 PM   #4
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Let me get this straight...you are overweight, trying to lose weight, asked for help and a fit, athletic,bodybuilder is willing to join in your cause...for free? Like, not only be a trainer, but a friend and support system for you? You realize you hit the jackpot, right? People pay hundreds of dollars a month to have someone like your guy there to help them every month. And this guy wants to do it for free. These guys have the knowledge and training on how to be healthy. Sure, it doesn't fit your model partner mold, but does it matter? This guy can give you tips, tricks, and ideas that a heavier partner couldn't. I say go for it. After all, the worst that can happen is you will lose some weight.
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Old 08-06-2012, 12:33 PM   #5
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How did you advertise for this? Is he hot?
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Old 08-06-2012, 12:42 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
Is he hot?
LMBO!

But seriously I think you hit the jackpot too. I know when I was a personal trainer I really had NO EXPERIENCE with how difficult it was being obese AND having to exercise. Now I *am* obese (was 198 pounds and at 5'1" that's a lot) and I really have learned a lot. I think you might be helping him if his future goals are to be a trainer as much as he'd be helping you because he would realize what it takes. I think I would go for it and be as HONEST as I could about the training and what not so he learns AND you learn. I think you'll do fine, but COMMIT to it! It's intimidating in my opinion to have someone that seems so fit to be your partner, but he may surprise and encourage you in ways you never realized.
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:35 PM   #7
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I actually put an ad online in our local community and he responded. He is definitely pretty hot, and I don't think there's any hidden agenda in anything. He said he is going through the same thing with his girlfriend, a break up, and so we can relate to something. I definitely plan on giving it my best. I hope it works! Everyone is right, the only thing to really loose is my weight!
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:46 PM   #8
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what are you hoping this person will do for you? just because he has gotten himself in great shape, doesn't mean that he is qualified to give you advice or train you. What is he getting out of this?
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:20 PM   #9
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The guy may or may not be able to help you, but disappointing him shouldn't even be on your radar, so if you can't dismiss your fears, he may not be the person to help you. You may need either a professional (trained to help people of ALL abilities) or someone closer to your own level so that you can be a help to each other.

I'd greatly recommend TOPS (take off pounds sensibly, a not-for-profit international weight loss club... tops.org website can help you find meetings near you).

Having a support system is important, but the more people you can include in that support system, the better. If you pin all or most of your motivation on any person, it can be devastating if the relationship doesn't work out - or if the support isn't what you'd hoped/expected it to be.

You can do this, and your pace should not be based on impressing or not-disappointing others. You have to be able to respect your own limits, because if your main goal is impressing someone else, you will be more likely to ignore the signs that you've reached your limits. Your desire to impress him could cause you injury if it leads you to push yourself past your own limits.

Also, if he has no training as a personal trainer, he could (with the best of intentions) encourage you to work at a pace or intensity that could cause you injury. If you're not very sensitive and aware of your own body and signs of overexertion, you could get hurt. Stress fractures, muscle and tendon injuries, dehydration... all can result from exercise done "Biggest Loser" style. What we see on tv, "the push yourself 'til you puke" method of exercise is not safe (and what the Biggest Loser doesn't show is the ambulances and doctors off camera waiting in the wings to treat those injuries... or the documents the contestants had to sign promising not to sue the show if they get hurt or killed as a result of the activities they're participating in on camera).

Anyone who isn't trained (and sadly some of those who have) can assume that it's safe and productive to use these unsafe methods... so unless YOU have the knowledge and ability to know and set your limits safely, you should find someone with the training and experience to help you do so.
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:29 PM   #10
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Kaploids pretty much summed up what my thoughts are.
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:40 PM   #11
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Kaplods gave you some very sound advice, so I'll weigh in on my personal experience with having a personal trainer for 2 years who is also a 6'3'' very attractive man. We don't know how you became acquainted with this gentleman -- is he a trainer or a fitness pro who's looking to help you who has real education in this?

I too had really aggressive weight loss goals when I began working out and I succeeded and lost 70 lbs. (I've gained back 40, but don't have the heart to change my ticker just yet... I've had a hiatus...) And despite my re-gain, we are still working out and working on my fitness and my strength and balance. He says no matter if I lose all my weight or not, building my body will give me a lifetime of education and me used to being strong and working out -- which will hopefully help me avoid fractures and falls when I'm old. But also means that despite being 100 lbs overweight right now, I have good blood pressure.

And when it comes to my efforts to lose the weight (again!), he's super supportive. His goal for me is 6 lbs. a month. My own is more like 10-12, but he sees every lb. lost as progress.

So, basically, what you want in a weight loss/fitness partner is someone who is going to help you be the best you that you can be -- who can help you be a woman in a strong body who is going to lose weight, but who if she's got some obstacles or slips up, who is there for her to help her see she's getting stronger and more fit. And that person will respect your boundaries, will push you to do more than you thought you can without pushing you to hurt yourself, and will help you feel powerful, because you will be. But that person needs to know what he or she is doing. Having a cardio buddy is one thing. Having someone who wants to help you lift/build strength is another.

It just comes down to talking to him and asking what he can offer, what he wants in return and seeing if he seems to have the knowledge necessary to help you take care of your body, because it sounds like you're going through a lot and could use a "you" thing.
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Old 08-07-2012, 08:58 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
How did you advertise for this? Is he hot?
words straight out of my mouth. lmfao
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Old 08-07-2012, 11:04 PM   #13
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Go for it! You asked for a partner and this sounds like a great one. I can see where you would be intimidated, but I expect he has realistic expectations. This could be a great thing and you have eye candy! Always a bonus.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:07 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifully13roken View Post
I actually put an ad online in our local community and he responded. He is definitely pretty hot, and I don't think there's any hidden agenda in anything. He said he is going through the same thing with his girlfriend, a break up, and so we can relate to something. I definitely plan on giving it my best. I hope it works! Everyone is right, the only thing to really loose is my weight!
You mean craigslist? This could be (probably is) a thinly veiled attempt at romance/sex, but that burns calories too eh!

Enjoy!
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:23 AM   #15
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Krampus,

Somehow you're typing everything I am thinking. Spooky. Hahahaha
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