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Old 07-30-2012, 02:54 PM   #1
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Default trouble accepting compliments

When I first started losing weight and no one noticed I was a bit offended that no one was saying anything.

Well now that people are saying things I really don't like it and have a hard time responding. I was just at the grocery store and the father of my son's best friend was there and he came over and says "I've been wanting to give you a big hug (and he did - they are very huggy people - I'm not). I couldn't imagine what the he** he was giving me a hug for and then he says "You've been working hard and it shows, that's a hug for a much smaller person".

And I just stand there looking blank and stupid. And then I get out to the parking lot and there is a lady I used to work with and she is telling me how great I look, blah, blah, blah and again I've got nothing to say.

How do you react to compliments? We're supposed to be getting together with some people who haven't seen me for about a year in a couple of weeks and I suppose to them it's going to be quite noticeable and I'll once again be standing there looking dumbstruck!
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Old 07-30-2012, 03:01 PM   #2
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Personally I would've been creeped out with the hug and the comment he made was odd. I don't do well with compliments either. I always say something stupid like "its just that I'm wearing black" lol I think after so much time being big its awkward to comments about having lost weight.
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Old 07-30-2012, 03:15 PM   #3
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Yea, for me getting a complement on weight loss is weird, because it's also a recognition that there was weight to lose. The best complement I've received is '...You're looking very well...'. That was nice, because to me it incorporates happy and healthy.

To keep your sanity, I'd just say 'thanks' and smile. When folks get into specifics with me, I just say I'm getting my act together, cutting back on some stuff and doing more of other stuff. Because if I tell them that I've cut out some bad foods they usually start with how they can't do this or that or how I won't be able to keep it up, etc. etc. etc.

Enjoy and celebrate your accomplishments ! Don't dread the comments - they are temporary
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Old 07-30-2012, 03:15 PM   #4
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I smile and say "Thank you." In my experience, most people have good intentions. For those who don't have good intentions, and I've run across a few, my response may include some level of snark. But for the most part, people who have complimented my appearance now are doing so sincerely, even if some of them have been awkward about it.
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Old 07-30-2012, 03:50 PM   #5
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I have two "go to " responses.

if it's JUST a comment- one singular comment , i say "thanks" and move on.

if they are going to discuiss it, or "what i did", "what my trick is" - i say "oh i just showered".

ex:
"OMG SOF YOU LOOK SO GOOD, CONGRATS!! What did you do???"

"Thanks, I showered" (then i smirk, or wink, and move on to the next topic).

In my experience, if you throw in a really random comment, people get derailed from their train of thought and change the topic hahaha
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Old 07-30-2012, 03:52 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unicorn67 View Post
When I first started losing weight and no one noticed I was a bit offended that no one was saying anything.

Well now that people are saying things I really don't like it and have a hard time responding. I was just at the grocery store and the father of my son's best friend was there and he came over and says "I've been wanting to give you a big hug (and he did - they are very huggy people - I'm not). I couldn't imagine what the he** he was giving me a hug for and then he says "You've been working hard and it shows, that's a hug for a much smaller person".

And I just stand there looking blank and stupid. And then I get out to the parking lot and there is a lady I used to work with and she is telling me how great I look, blah, blah, blah and again I've got nothing to say.

How do you react to compliments? We're supposed to be getting together with some people who haven't seen me for about a year in a couple of weeks and I suppose to them it's going to be quite noticeable and I'll once again be standing there looking dumbstruck!

oh my god I am SO awkward with compliments about my weight loss. All I can ever say is "Yeah I've worked hard" and people continue and go on and on and I just smile and stand there and say thanks like a million times.. cant say it doesnt feel good though.
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Old 07-30-2012, 04:13 PM   #7
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Just say "Thanks" and move on with a smile .

I've had a few awkward encounters, too. A guy at the gym once told me I looked like I was losing a lot of weight. Then he said "I'm just saying... I'm not a creeper... you weren't really fat before... or... yeah..." Awwwkwarrrrddddd

Be proud that people notice and use it as motivation to keep on truckin!
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:57 PM   #8
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I typically just say "thanks, I've been working on it." and try to take it as genuine. I certainly don't want to make them feel bad for giving me a compliment because the last thing I want them to think is that they should never compliment (me or anyone else) for fear of being rejected or shut down.
I personally find the whole idea of it being a dig because that means "I had weight to lose" ridiculous. Well, yeah I did. Do I expect them to not see my weight as plainly as my hair color? That's just silly to me. I hope you get to a place where you can take those compliments and use them to be some of your positive dialogue. Congrats on your success!


Sorry format is weird, posting from my phone.
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Old 07-30-2012, 06:09 PM   #9
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I don't know what to say either. It's like the people I'm around now have only saw me obese. Now that I'm approaching a normal weight, they are very complimentary, but almost like they are in shock.
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Old 07-30-2012, 06:14 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stimkovs View Post

if they are going to discuiss it, or "what i did", "what my trick is" - i say "oh i just showered".

In my experience, if you throw in a really random comment, people get derailed from their train of thought and change the topic hahaha
hahaha, I do this all the time too!
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Old 07-30-2012, 06:41 PM   #11
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I usually just say "Thanks," or, "Thanks, so do you!" If people ask me how I lost the weight, I usually just answer, "Calorie counting." That sounds boring enough to most people to end the conversation right there. LOL!

I know exactly what you mean though. I actually wrote a thread on this topic last year about how embarrassed I am to get attention or receive compliments about my weight. Although, as far as problems go, it's not such a bad one to have - right?
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Old 07-30-2012, 07:39 PM   #12
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I always say, "Thanks! I feel good!" which lets everyone know that while I'm less fat, the more important thing is that I'm a healthier, happier person, and seems a generous response to what is usually intended to be a compliment.

Most people aren't trying to hurt your feelings or imply that you are/were whalelike. No point in getting freaked out by it.
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Old 07-30-2012, 09:19 PM   #13
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I work with several young girls (20's) that are very fit. I don't think these girls have ever been around heavy people, and have never seen someone transform. They're kind of bemused by me. Several of them have asked me... :"Are you losing weight?" -- um yeah, about 60 lbs! -- I'm not sure they know what they're seeing. I've decided that I'm helping to "round out" their frame of reference -- life lessons, you know! I've decided that they're not malicious - they're clueless!
Also, I thought the hug comment sounded sweet. I guess it depends on how close you are to your son's friend's family -- but if the kid is your son's BEST friend, maybe the family feels closer to you than they really are.
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Old 07-31-2012, 04:03 AM   #14
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I can't accept compliments about ANYTHING, never mind weight loss. I turn all kinds of pretty colors and stare at my feet. I am the socially awkward penguin...
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Old 07-31-2012, 10:22 AM   #15
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I've been ok unless the comments are wacky - like my mother in law made a comment recently that 'OMG you're wasting away!"

Seriously. I'm 190 lbs, I'm not wasting away. I wanted to snark out some stupid comment on how she eats about 100 calories a day and to mind her own business, but I didn't, I just said nothing.

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