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Old 07-26-2012, 10:14 AM   #1
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Default Friends and losing...

May of last year, my best friend (who lives 1200 miles away) got married. At the time, we were nearly identical. Same hair, eyes, height and yes, same weight. Six weeks later, my loving, wonderful bf, who had taken me ring shopping and told my best friend he was going to marry me, broke up with me. I was devastated and about ten pounds fell off in a week... I wasn't even trying to lose. I decided to at least get a grip on my weight and a year later, I'm down 60 pounds.

During that year, I've been pretty quiet to my friends and family about the whole weightloss thing. Especially to this specific friend. I don't post about it one Facebook or twitter, except the day I realized I'd lost 25% of my body, lol. I usually reserve that stuff for on here or the tracking app I use. She knows I've been losing, though, because pictures do pop up from time to time online from other friends. I don't bring it up when we talk on the phone, mostly because it's a personal thing for me... This might be a bad comparison, but it's almost the same as how I feel about religion - I'm not going to force my views on you, but if you bring it up, I will gladly talk about it.

So that brings us to the other night... We were on the phone for about two hours talking about who knows what, and then she started telling me about this diet she and her husband are on. She said she hasnt lost any weight, but she feels better... it sounded like some kind of fad diet. I kept my mouth shut, just listened and said "good for you" a lot. Then she started talking about c25k and needing more exercise... Which is when she told me that was how I lost my weight. SHE TOLD ME HOW I LOST MY WEIGHT. ahem. Sorry. I'm still a little bit annoyed. I'm an almost religious calorie counter that hasn't been in a gym since February. I tried to subtly say that while yes, I had been in the gym some back in the fall, that was while I wasn't losing... I tried to joke about it, telling her the real answer was boring, but I'd lost most of my weight by counting calories, which is when she cut me off again and went off on the exersize tangent once more. I just let her rabble after that, but I was annoyed. You're 1200 miles away, haven't seen me since before I lost an once but you know better than I do how it all happened. I don't get it. If it had been anyone else telling me this, I think I would have told them to walk off a cliff. Ugh.

I would love to be able to talk to her about it... I would love to see her be as happy with her body as I am now with mine. But I know she has to come to it herself, the same way we all have. I just wish that in the mean time we could leave the comments about how I did or didn't get here out of it.
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Old 07-26-2012, 10:35 AM   #2
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Yeah, I definitely know how you're feeling! I had a similar experience the other day with my mom. She too is trying to lose weight. I don't like the way she's doing it, but It just keeps me on track to keep plugging along on my plan. She asked me the other day how much I've lost. I told her 14 pounds. She was like oh good job! 5 minutes later she said, what plan are you on? So I proceeded to tell her what I eat every day, how I excersize, and she went on this huge tangent and was telling me I'm not getting enough protein obviously (I laughed at this one, I eat over 100 grams of protein a day) and I got pretty defensive by saying, look obviously its working for me, so I'm not going to change it just because you want me to! Gahh. Things like this make me mad.

But I'm so sorry about you and your friend. No fun!
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Old 07-26-2012, 10:44 AM   #3
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I've come to the conclusion that I just can't talk to people about diets or weight loss. Even if they ask. It NEVER works out. I don't know any amazing secrets of weight loss anyway, so I know my friends/family stand to gain very little by discussing it with me. Usually they just want to hear that their experiences are valid, not the nitty gritty about what I'm actually doing.
Verboten topic for me!
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Old 07-26-2012, 11:00 AM   #4
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Ugh. That's frustrating. Unfortunately, though, there's probably not much you can do about it. Keep off that subject when you talk to her (if possible).

I also agree with vabs. There are very few people I can talk about my diet with. Pretty much, just my mother. She's on Weight Watchers as well, so that works out. However, anyone else? Heck no. It just gets irritating.

What's more important is that you have made FANTASTIC progress! Look how much you've lost! That's some serious will power. I bet you look and feel awesome. Go you = ]
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Old 07-26-2012, 11:27 AM   #5
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Don't take it personally. I find this happens a lot. When people find out you're losing weight, they inevitably have to chime in on THEIR way of doing it. I just nod and let them finish. If someone asks me, I tell them but otherwise I just don't bring it up.
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Old 07-26-2012, 11:53 AM   #6
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I have a handful of friends that for some reason or another, like to think that they are smarter than everyone else. They are great people (or I wouldn't be friends with them), but I think it is just part of their personality. When a friend tries to "educate" me on something that I actually know more about, I gently put them back in their place with some humor.

Ultimately, I know they are just trying to help. But if I am annoyed, I let them know right then and there. I do it with kindness though. This keeps any resentment that I might develop over these kinds of interactions.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:32 PM   #7
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You know, there are friends out there who you can sanely talk about weight loss with and even agree to disagree...but totally agree, these friends are few and far between it seems.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:56 PM   #8
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In my experience and since I have lost weight girlfriends have either stopped talking to me or others seem to be trying to outdo me out of jealousy or trying to prove they can do it faster/better or something. Its a no win situation. I try not to talk to anyone about it anymore. I am on my own journey and I just need to completely focus on myself and my body works differently and is unique to anyone else's. I have come so far and we all have lots to be proud of in our journey.
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Old 07-26-2012, 01:06 PM   #9
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It has always amazed me how some people know so much about your life even though they aren't an active part of it.

When I had lost a significant amount of weight the first time, my Dad and Mom basically staged an intervention. I was at church and before I left, my Mom, my Dad, my sister and a lifelong family friend were all standing there. My Dad told me how you HAVE to have protein and while I was starving myself I was destroying my body. Wise advice, really. I was not offended by this. They really truly cared about me and were super concerned that the weight dropped off like it did.

I wasn't starving though. I was eating a plant based diet. I had been to my doctor and he told me how much protein I needed, which I was getting. I lost the weight because I was counting calories and I was walking my baby 6 to 8 miles a day at the park. Pushing that stroller up and down hills. When he slept, I walked. When he woke up we went to the swings and played on the playground. I walked at night with my husband. We did trails on his days off. I was working my butt off, literally. I poured sweat and I felt awesome.

I have found that nobody ever wants to hear about the boring way to lose weight. Counting calories is not ever what they want to hear. I watched a Facebook fight the other day about how a girl I went to high school with lost 100 pounds. Same thing as you, someone was telling her it could not be just "counting calories".

I would be irritated to. I think you have every right to be.
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Old 07-26-2012, 02:45 PM   #10
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Sorry, but why are you annoyed? Your good friend noticed your weight loss and said she wanted to follow in your foot steps by exercising more but just happened to be wrong about your method. Am I missing something?
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Old 07-26-2012, 03:03 PM   #11
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I've been extremely lucky this time around in that no one is really questioning my weight loss as anything but healthy. Not that every single friend has been supportive; one has told me it's been too long since I've been at my highest weight to claim that I've lost over 100 pounds, that I can only "count" what I've lost in the current year.

I wasn't so lucky in previous attempts, especially with a coworker that felt the need to point out that I was doing everything completely "wrong" while I was eating my salad, even though she was eating a BK Whopper right in front of me! Oh, and that my burrito lunches "smelled bad" when they came out of the microwave and that it was bothering everyone (no one else ever complained; besides, they were unseasoned and had no strong odor). The same person also complained my smaller clothes didn't suit me and that my weight loss wasn't healthy. Unfortunately, I let her get to me; I look back now and see it was a jealousy issue.

I think people often feel they've discovered a new "gospel" when they start losing weight, that their way is either the best or the only way, and that they feel the need to preach to everyone else how wonderful their discovery is as if they own the only key. Either that, or they get jealous and can't handle anyone else losing before they do. I understand your annoyance. I think most of us here do. Just don't let her get to you.
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Old 07-26-2012, 09:54 PM   #12
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I hate it when people I don't know learn I lost a lot of weight and assume I had weight loss surgery. Nothing against those that do, but I lost weght through calorie counting and exercise and I want credit for doing this entirely on my own.
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Old 07-27-2012, 01:41 PM   #13
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It sounds to me like she has gotten psyched about her own plan to lose weight and has decided that it was how you lost yours. She may have deduced that from whatever clues she had since you weren't broadcasting all the details. Of course she should listen to you when you tell her she reached the wrong conclusion, but she has her head in a particular space as she is trying to bootstrap her plan and isn't in the mood to change gears.

Her attitude is frustrating and annoying, but you handled the conversation well and she might be better off discovering for herself whether *her* current plan helps her lose weight or not. If she ends up complaining to you about how she can't lose weight on "your" plan, you can share the actual details when she would probably be in a much more receptive mood.
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