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Living with regret...

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Old 07-17-2012, 07:52 PM   #1
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Default Living with regret...

This is from my blog post today. Despite being close to goal, I'm a little down today. Please tell me I'm not the only person that feels this way...

So now that I'm almost at goal, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I realized yesterday that I am really fit. Not only are my running times pretty damn decent for someone who has been running as short as a time I have, but between lifting weights and all the other workouts I do, I'm strong and just in good shape.



That led me to coulda, shoulda, woulda. What would my life have been like if I had made this decision to be thin and fit when I was in high school. Or even college. Or, ****, even 10 years ago??? I mean, I clearly have some athletic ability in me.



Which then leads to me to be REALLY super ANGRY at myself. I should not be 40 years old and making these discoveries. I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life being fat and unhealthy.



I intellectually know that every choice I've made has led me to where I am right now. And I think that I'm a pretty okay person. But still, it doesn't feel great to be full of regret.



I'm hoping that a little ways down the road that I can forgive myself and just enjoy where I'm at now. Better late then never, as they say. And life, well, it's pretty ****ing good today. However, I'm not anywhere close to forgiving and accepting myself.
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Old 07-17-2012, 08:13 PM   #2
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40 here too. And a new runner. And I posted something similar on the weight loss confessions thread. Why did I wait this long? Why didn't I start running and doing races and triathlons when I was in my 20's? Why did I waste most of my 30's with the wrong guy?

I practice saying "I forgive myself" a lot. And just keep working at it. Like running, and weight loss it doesn't happen over night, and there is back sliding.
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Old 07-17-2012, 08:16 PM   #3
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It happens. Preface your regret with realizing that every step you took on your way to this point was necessary, even if it was painful or feels wasted. Life isn't for do-overs and regrets, and the challenges along the way give us empathy for others, wisdom to dispense, and humble gratitude for the chance to do better every new day we live.

Big hugs, and congratulations.
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Old 07-17-2012, 08:20 PM   #4
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I'm older than you, so I have more years of being overweight to regret. I try to deal with it the same way I've tried to deal with my compulsive eating, by telling the self-hating voice in my head to shut the **** up. I just give it a nod of acknowledgement that yes, my life would have been better had I been thin, but I can't change the past and I'm not going to let regret bring me down.

You've done a remarkable job of self-improvement and should be proud of yourself and looking ahead. Forgiving yourself is hard, but you've shown that you can do the hard stuff!
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Old 07-17-2012, 08:29 PM   #5
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Ponder this...

"Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh." - Henry David Thoreau
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Old 07-17-2012, 08:34 PM   #6
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First: You are and always have been a big inspiration of mine You are AMAZING!

We are all the sum of our memories and life experiences. You are the person you are today partially because of your super awesome inspirational weight loss. You'd probably be someone else—not the you that you are now—if you hadn't gone through this.

I try to remember that whenever I start thinking: "why didn't I do this years ago?" I wasn't supposed to do this years ago—I was supposed to do it now. Going through this experience has taught me so much that I probably would have missed out on had I been thin "naturally" and I know in my heart that I just wasn't ready earlier in my life.

I can wonder how my life would have been had I be thin earlier, or I could be out there now, living it and making up for lost time
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:52 PM   #7
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Wow, from 330+ to 121??? My new idol!

I feel very much the way you do. I feel that I have missed out on so much in life, trapped inside this at body. I should have addressed it once and for all soooo many years ago but didn't.

It does get me down and I feel so much regret, like life passed me by. But all I can do is try to be optimistic about the future. I look forward to the future now, instead of living with the fear that my obesity will kill me. I hope to get a promotion one day, and find a new boyfriend, and pursue travel, golf, hiking, and all the other activities that I can now do because of my weight loss.
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:13 AM   #8
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Learn from the past, live in the present, and embrace the future!
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:36 AM   #9
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They say hindsight is 20/20. But please don't spend too long looking back. All of that was what spurned you to get to where you are now. Where you are going is always more important than where you've been.
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:46 AM   #10
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Cherry - I'm so sorry you feel this way b/c you do look amazing. Another poster wondered why they were with the wrong guy for so long & it made me think, EVERYONE has regrets- your weight appears to be yours.

Had you had a different weight/start at a younger age, who knows where you might be today right?? It could have led to other regrets - the shoulda/coulda road is TOO hard to contemplate honestly.

Also - 40 is NOT old - you have decades ahead of you to enjoy honestly. I really hope you forgive yourself soon b/c you might look back in another 10 years and regret being so angry...


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Old 07-18-2012, 09:48 AM   #11
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The are the thoughts I've been having too. Shoulda' Woulda' Coulda'. I hate that feeling.
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Old 07-18-2012, 10:15 AM   #12
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Cherry, I understand exactly how you feel. Of course, right now mine is "how could I let myself go this way?" type of coulda. why did I wait so long is sort of my next goal, I suppose. But thanks so everyone for all the great advice, and I'll try to remember it myself.
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Old 07-18-2012, 02:28 PM   #13
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Weight loss is HARD. And maintaining that loss is even harder. I won't add to the great advice about your regrets, but I would encourage you to celebrate the past accomplishments and steel yourself for the hard work of future accomplishments. Who knows? You might find yourself in a career as a motivational speaker or fitness specialist or reality TV star. I'm not really a big "everything happens for a reason" person. But I am a HUGE "This is how it is, and check out how amazing it is now" person.
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Old 07-18-2012, 02:45 PM   #14
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I have similar regrets. It hit me very forcefully at my last weigh in that if I had done this in high school, I'd be finished with losing weight and on maintenance now. As it is, I'm 48 and I've got around 90 more pounds to go. It's hard not to have regrets but I have to focus on the fact that I am losing weight and getting more fit now. I can't change the past; I can only move forward.
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Old 07-18-2012, 03:48 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryPie99 View Post
That led me to coulda, shoulda, woulda. What would my life have been like if I had made this decision to be thin and fit when I was in high school. Or even college. Or, ****, even 10 years ago??? I mean, I clearly have some athletic ability in me.
You can spin it the other way: What if you had waited another 10 years? 20 years? Good thing you did it now, right? From where I'm sitting (55), 40 is very young! And there are lots of athletic events where you can still shine, including some geared to specific age categories.

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