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Old 07-14-2012, 05:20 PM   #1
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Default Being Mocked...

I know this is not a new concept for overweight women, but either more men are being jerks to me or I just started to notice that they are being jerks.

What do you do when you get openly mocked/rejected or being overweight?

Just this week, I was out at a bar with two friends, both very thin, and we were all talking to a couple of guys. There was no flirting, I didn't even hint in any way that I was interested and I actually wasn't. But they were hitting on my friends, one of whom is a lesbian and the other married, and when they went to the bathroom, the guys started giggling with each other and then told me that they were gay together and they weren't interested in me, while one guy pulls out his phone with a background picture of a half-naked supermodel.

Then they started to basically openly mock me and trying to get me understand I had no chance because I was fat. I interrupted and said: "Let me make it clear that I am not interested in either of you anyway because while you don't necessarily come off as gay, whatever it is that you are doing to repel women is working beautifully." I then paid by tab and left, and had my friends follow me out. They laughed awkwardly at me as I left and I just said, "You have no class."

So while I think I actually dealt with it just fine outwardly, I can't help it that stuff like that gets to me. I have started to go out less and less because of people treating me like this. And I am honestly not even that big! It wouldn't excuse the behavior if I were, but people are honestly treating me like I'm 500 pounds.

It's really depressing...

Last edited by uselessknowledge : 07-14-2012 at 05:21 PM.
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Old 07-14-2012, 05:45 PM   #2
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I think you handled that beautifully! I don't think I would have been so nice.

Don't let these bozos keep you from going out with your friends. I do understand how people like this this can get to you. I've been through it myself. Unfortunately there are people like that in the world who for some strange reason have to put other people down to feel better about themselves. Take the high road (as you have already done) and don't waste any energy on these losers.
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Old 07-14-2012, 06:00 PM   #3
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I don't understand what would prompt men to act like that. I have never had someone say anything like that to me- I guess I am lucky. I like your response. But I probably would have made a loud public toast in honor of their newfound love for each other, and bought them a drink. I certainly would not have left, and in fact, I would probably have told them it was time for them to find their way out. Don't ever let anyone run you off or ruin your good time. You are a worthwhile person that deserves to feel good about yourself.
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Old 07-14-2012, 06:01 PM   #4
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oh maaaaan, i'm sorry you had to go thru that. it's total BS. honestly, i blame the media and society for these horrid stereotypes nowadays that ALL women need to be pencil thin. It's not realistic and these younger guys are too stupid to realize it. I was looking at your stat...5'8" and 210 is NOT overly huge! my lord! you are already nice and tall, so i'm sure you actually can carry that quiet beautifully. I'm 5'5" and 210, i'm lucky that i both hide it and carry it well because when i tell my friends what i weigh they are shocked. DON'T pay attention to their nonsense, the "ideal" for women is unobtainable and only 2% of the female population have the stature of models, yet that's what the other 98% are SUPPOSE to look like. The fact one of them even HAD a background picture on their phone of a half naked model speaks LOADS for their wonderful mature mentality...*major eye roll*. Women can't win...no matter what. ****, look at the media blogger that called Kate Upton a "cow" and "piggy"...Kate Upton!!! Just keep on track and be the best (HEALTHIEST) you that you can be. :-)
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Old 07-14-2012, 06:04 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandis View Post
I don't understand what would prompt men to act like that. I have never had someone say anything like that to me- I guess I am lucky. I like your response. But I probably would have made a loud public toast in honor of their newfound love for each other, and bought them a drink. I certainly would not have left, and in fact, I would probably have told them it was time for them to find their way out. Don't ever let anyone run you off or ruin your good time. You are a worthwhile person that deserves to feel good about yourself.
I love this idea!! It's a shame people Act so immature
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Old 07-14-2012, 06:45 PM   #6
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Given that I'm your height and around your weight, this story depressed me and reinforces my fear I will not find someone interested in me...

But you handled things very well.
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Old 07-14-2012, 07:20 PM   #7
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You handled that very well!

Perhaps I've been completely oblivious, but I never ran into any such behavior from people. I've been all different weights, and ironically the only time as an adult I ever had someone say something was when I was around 160 and after rolling my eyes at a couple d-bags in a loud truck they tell out the window "fat b****". I wasn't fat! So I guess it was just a stupid remark.

I don't know what possesses people to act the way those men acted to you, I'm sorry that happened!
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Old 07-14-2012, 09:27 PM   #8
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Some people just suck. I think you handled it really well.
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Old 07-14-2012, 09:32 PM   #9
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I think you handled it very well. There is no way to completely prevent d***weeds from acting like d***weeds, but I've found one of the best ways to nip it in the bud is to address it assertively and immediately - with direct eyecontact. Sometimes just making the eye contact is enough, though I like to at least add a slightly bemused/confused expression on your face (the "you've got to be kidding, do I really have to tell you what a moron you're being?" expression).

Personally, I love to mock back. For example, when a teenage boy at the Walmart, hanging with a group of friends yelled out to me (obviously to impress his friends) something to the effect of "Wow, you're (or she's) really fat." I stopped and laughed, saying "Wow, you're a genius. Did you figure that out all by yourself, or did you have help?"

"What's your point?" Is another of my favorite comebacks.

The thing is, now that I have tons of cool and witty comebacks, some of which I'd really like to have a chance to use, it never seems to happen to me anymore. Maybe my confidence level is sending "don't mess with me, vibes." I'm not sure.


In reality though, what you say and do isn't as important as how you feel about it. Really understanding that these nincompoops really are complete idiots does take the power and sting out of their comments (or should). When you see them as complete fools, it becomes impossible to take what they say seriously.

Part of what helped me was realizing that being fat isn't a crime, so having people try to shame me because of it, just won't work. They might as well yell out, "Hey, you have red hair."

If you were thin and knew you looked as gorgeous as a supermodel and someone yelled out "I don't find you physically attractive," would you take it as a crushing critique, or would you dismiss the mocker as some off-the-wall idiot/crazy person.

And treating them as insane/morons whether that means ignoring them and shaking your head thinking "wow what an idiot," or whether you look them in the eye and say "Wow, you're an idiot." It doesn't matter, as long as you walk away understanding that THEY are the defective ones not you.
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Old 07-14-2012, 10:06 PM   #10
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Amazingly I think I've had ONE comment in my life regarding my weight, and it was some mooing high school boys - hardly intimidating. I don't know what breeding these cretins have (or don't have) that would make them think they can treat another human being like crap, but I deal with it directly, too. You did a good job - a comeback or completely contemptuous look that says you pity THEM more than they should pity you - that's what I would return for such comments.
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Old 07-14-2012, 10:46 PM   #11
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I was at the pool today and two guys in their twenties called me lardy and laughed at me. I weighed myself at 139lb this morning! I'm not perfect but I wasn't asking for their approval!
Men are just idiots.
Hugs to you and well done on conducting yourself with dignity!
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:26 PM   #12
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I was at the pool today and two guys in their twenties called me lardy and laughed at me. I weighed myself at 139lb this morning! !
Ok, in what UNIVERSE is 139 pounds at 5'6" lardy!? Honestly that's insane!

I mean no matter what you weighed, even if it was 600 lbs, that would be rude and uncalled for, but you are thin, so WTF!?
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:45 PM   #13
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Thumbs up you can't let idiots get to you!

You handled it very well. That being said, there will always be jerks who will tell you taht you aren't good enough. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, not rich enough, not smart enough. I remember reading an article a few years ago about a ballerina fired froma dance company for becoming too fat and she weighed 109 at 5'6"! People will only treat you as good as you make them treat you. The heart of the matter is that you deserve so much better. Too many people chip away at other people's self esteem to make themselves feel better. You may lose weight and I suspect those guys will still be immature, insecure jerks still putting down other people.

kudos to you for handling yourself with maturity, self-respect, and class!
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:50 PM   #14
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About a year ago I was at a party with a friend. I didn't know anyone there besides her. It was at a group house with a girl and her 2 guy roommates. (the girl and my friend worked together).

Anyway, the girl host ("Susie") at one point was trying to set me up with one of her roommates, "Mark." I wasn't interested at all, but she seemed dead set so I thought it wouldn't hurt to at least talk to him.

So "Susie" ran up to "Mark" to ask him what he thought of me (very high school, but she had had a little to drink and like I said...I wasn't even interested in him) and I happened to see his reaction. He cringed and made a face like she had just asked him to eat dog food.

That was one of the worst feelings. Even though I had no desire to date him, for someone to react that way--as if I was so physically repulsive that the thought of dating me (heck, even getting to know me!) was SO awful--it hurt a lot.

I think you handled those jerks beautifully.
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Old 07-15-2012, 12:18 AM   #15
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I've been pretty fortunate with comments from men...maybe it's the fact that I have huge (and pretty obviously muscular) shoulders and tend to wear a face that says "If you mess with me, I will f*** up your day," when my (gorgeous, skinny) friends drag me to bars. Regardless of whether I have a chance of attracting male attention or not, the idea of being hit on in a bar kinda makes me uncomfortable, hence the face.

I was less fortunate at my old job one day when I was standing next to one of my rail-thin coworkers who was 8 1/2 months pregnant and a man asked which of us was due first. I was working at a small-town liquor shop at the time, and while I stood there in shock (I knew I was overweight, but I didn't think that my 180 at the time was THAT big), one of our regulars came up, slapped him upside the head, and completely chewed him out for being so rude. I suppose it's nice to know that, while there are jerks in the world, sometimes there are also people willing to call them out and make them look stupid for being so thoughtless.
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