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Old 07-04-2012, 10:55 PM   #1
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Default Need help finding motivation again - depressed

Hi,

I recently had a miscarriage (thankfully it was early in the pregnancy rather than later) and am now really struggling with my eating. I'm an emotional eater and I've been really depressed, to the point where it's hard for me to even get out of bed. I ate terribly all weekend (and Monday) and just barely managed to stay on plan yesterday.
Today I overate chocolate goldfish crackers, of all things...I didn't go crazy but ate probably 300 calories worth before I finally stopped myself.
I'm hanging on by a thread here and could use some advice, tips, suggestions, anything.
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Old 07-04-2012, 11:37 PM   #2
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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Perhaps this is a good time to set more modest goals for yourself. I suggest you make a list of a few healthy and healing things you can do for yourself every day and start doing them, even if you want to stay in bed all day. Some possibilities: walk around the block, prepare a large healthy salad, go to a yoga class, get rid of two junk food items. You may have to push yourself at first, but it will get easier. My thoughts are with you.

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Old 07-04-2012, 11:39 PM   #3
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My heart goes out to you. I don't have children myself and have never been pregnant, so I can't begin to imagine the pain this alone must bring you. But remember, sometimes things fall apart so bigger things can fall together. I see your weight ticker and see how much progress you have made. That is a very good thing. Now, it's time to get up and find something to occupy your mind whether it is working out, volunteering, taking a walk. Sometimes when I'm feeling down or out of sorts, I like to tune into some meditation music and meditate for a bit and remember all of the things that I'm thankful for. I even have a list of things I'm thanful for on my fridge to remind me daily of the blessings in my life and that no matter how difficult life may become, I have so much in my life that brings me joy. I was reading a book that suggested sitting down and making a list like that. I used to be a 'the glass is half empty' type of person....so one day, I picked up that book and read and it has helped me change my life and my way of thinking. Try what I did....sit down and make a list of all the things you are thankful for...you'd be amazed...include even the simplest of things. I hope this helps, even if just a little bit. You can do this.
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Old 07-05-2012, 01:47 PM   #4
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I know how difficult this is. I just had a m/c too. I post on another forum related to grief and loss for support. Mine was earlier as well, and I honestly never imagined it would have broken my heart this much. I guess its something you have to experience to understand. I've been completely off with my eating. I'm an emotional eater too. But this has been so stressful, some days I'm nauseous and don't want to eat, other days I can't stop stuffing myself to eat away the pain. Mostly its over eating though, and I've been gaining and fast. Today is my first day of acknowledging I need to not let this be the turning point that I gain all my weight back.

Eating does not take away this pain. I will admit that there are times when a little snack has helped if I'm a little down over something trivial...but this hurting has not been touched at all by any emotional eating, I guess its just too deep and painful.
Eating has only made me sad about my weight too...and I don't want to get caught in a downward spiral...

I suggest joining a forum with a board for pregnancy loss. I find that venting my feelings, or even just reading others experiences has helped me start to heal. I also suggest staying around here for weight loss support. Now might not be the time that you want to go full steam ahead, but maybe just take it one day at a time, one meal at a time. I've also decided to join weight watchers, because right now I need as much supprt as possible. Maybe you would benefit from addressing your weight loss with a friend or in a group like weight watchers. Its so easy to let your feelings of grief sneak up on you and drown out any intentions of weight loss...pain seems to justify doing whatever means needed (over eating, drinking, smoking ect..) to relieve the stress and painful feelings. And sometimes we aren't strong enough to tell ourselves that no amount of eating is going to heal the hurt...

Please feel free to PM me for any reason or if you just need someone to talk to.
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Old 07-05-2012, 01:50 PM   #5
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I'm so sorry for your loss! Take care of yourself and find a good support system if you don't already have one!
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:50 PM   #6
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I'm so sorry for your loss! One thing that should never happen is that a mom should never lose her child. It's just wrong! Have you looked in to a support group? I found MISS Foundation (Mothers in Sympathy and Support) to be invaluable, since the members experienced pregnancy and infant loss. It's difficult for many to understand the depth of that pain, versus the pain of losing an older child or adult loved ones.

I know it's easier to delve in to food for comfort and stay in bed all day. BTDT. My goodness, allow yourself that chance to grieve and wallow in self pity. You just lost your child! But do keep your own health or physical goals in mind. As another poster said, eating may offer you temporary comfort, but it's not going to heal the hurt. It may amplify what you are going through by building fat.

I lost my son after his birth. I had the baby weight and no baby. It was awful! Not just losing a child. You understand that part. But losing the child and still having the postpartum body. On a vanity level, that only added to the pain and the horribleness of it. It was like insult to injury. Part of my healing was getting back in to shape, losing the weight and getting ready to try again for another child. It was really hard to put myself out there. Everyone knew I lost my child. Sometimes it was torturous because it was like a big elephant was in the room and no one wanted to acknowledge it. But other times, it was a relief to escape my grief for awhile and put myself out there, and focus on something positive.

Exercise helps by giving you those feel good hormones, the same hormones that comfort eating provides without the calories. Being around people can help provide balance. Use your support groups or your therapist, and allow yourself to grieve, and keep putting yourself out there. You cant' go under, over or around the pain. The only way is through.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:53 PM   #7
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I, too, lost a child. And got so caught up in the guilt that it was really, really, really hard to recover. Even though the stillbirth was not my fault -- the cord wrapped around his neck, and he just stopped breathing -- it's overwhelmingly painful and I found it difficult to forgive myself. It took me years to finally seek grief counseling, and my therapist actually treated me for PTSD as well.

For me, I felt really guilty because I had been in really good shape before I got pregnant, and though it was a wanted pregnancy, I remember being disappointed that I could not continue to work out at the level that I had been before the pregnancy. Even those little thoughts that I could not control, and weren't that bad anyway, haunted me relentlessly.

Everyone's grief journey is her own. But I think you should try to prioritize it. The loss of a child is devastating. Maybe it's a support group, as so many have said, that will push you through the pain. Maybe it's a therapist. Maybe it's quiet contemplation. Maybe you need to relax on the weight loss for a bit and decide to maintain until you've figured this out. Maybe throwing yourself twice as hard into the weight loss effort is the answer.

Please, try to take care of yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:25 PM   #8
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Thank you so much for the kind words and support everyone, I appreciate it more than you know. It's a struggle, and it's hard, but I'm moving on.
GlamourGirl, I'm so sorry that you are going through the same thing. It really is heartbreaking, even early on.
LaurieDawn, your story brought tears to my eyes. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Thank you again everyone. I'm still hanging on, eating within my calories/points, but I feel like at any moment, I could give in and binge. It's not a good feeling, but I'm dealing with it as best as I can.
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for every 5lbs lost

5% (245)
10% (232)
Halfway to goal (207)
Onederland
No longer obese (191)
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Old 07-06-2012, 12:40 AM   #9
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Don't be afraid to give yourself the time and opportunity to grieve. Try to go easy on yourself and know that its perfectly ok and normal to have slip-ups on this journey. Especially when you are going through a difficult time in your life.

I read a quote earlier that struck me and is helping me to reframe my thinking on eating and exercise. I paraphrase: We often use food as a way to deal with anxiety and depression, yet exercise is a much more potent but often underutilized way in helping us deal with depression/anxiety.

Choose wisely.

Hang in there and reach out for support if you need it!
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