So I just got back from the beach yesterday and while I was there I kinda just put my diet on hold so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I wanted to eat, drink, and be merry without having to try to work everything around my diet. Fortunately, I didn't gain any weight! Didn't lose any either, but either way, I'm quite proud that I managed to stay put! Go me!
But there's other things on my mind. Like my boyfriend. I know I made a post recently about significant others motivating you, and when I say mine does, I mean just LOOKING at him motivates me because he's already at a normal weight and all that jazz. However, he doesn't seem to understand that I can't eat like he does. We went to Applebee's last night, and I was all about going straight back on plan and ordered off the under 550 menu. He ordered a plate of 20 wings and fries. I finished my meal, and he was not satisfied with this and was insistent upon me "still being hungry" even though I was fine, lol. I kept telling him I was fine, but he really doesn't understand that I can't eat like he does. I eventually just got a drink so he'd leave me alone about it, but he still couldn't understand why I wouldn't eat more.
I try not to keep talking about my weight loss, and when I complain about my body I feel bad because I know he likes it the way it is and I figure he doesn't want to hear me whine about it. I just try to do things like I do them, but it's really aggravating to try and stick to my diet when he's shoving his plate of wings in front of me and telling me to eat. I mean, obviously he's not forcing me to, but I don't want to bring up my diet every time we go out to eat. I'm also trying to not fall into the trap of "he loves me the way I am" because I don't want to use that as an excuse to jump off the wagon. I just want to do this without having to explain myself all the time and I don't know how to do that.
I guess the bottom-line question is: How do I get my boyfriend to understand my eating habits?
I think you just need to accept that you are alone in this journey. Sure, people will be there to support you along the way (everyone on this forum for sure!) but ultimately each decision NOT to have the wings and fries comes down to you.
It would be lovely if the people in our lives understood our plans and motivations, but not everyone will. I'm sure your boyfriend is supportive of you, and probably doesn't realize that offering you his food or questioning your choices seems unsupportive -- the truth is that he may NEVER understand.
My fiance is my best friend, and on the rare occasion that I say something to him such as "Man, I could REALLY go for some ice cream right now" his response is typically "Okay, go get some." He's a man... and they are naturally wired to try to solve a problem when presented with one. He doesn't always understand that I am just basically whining about wanting ice cream but not wanting to deviate from my planned meals for the day.
All you can really do is just be patient with people. There will always be a boyfriend, husband, best friend, mom, sister, coworker or child there offering you food, pressuring you to take time off and skip your workout, or making comments about your choices. You just have to learn to hold your own and know that you are making the right decisions for yourself, and nobody else NEEDS to understand what that means exactly.
You gotta hit him over the head with it. YOU aren't happy with the way YOU look. This has nothing to do with him. Explain that you need less food than he does. Explain that you don't appreciate having wings or other junk food shoved in your face. He can't tell you that you are still hungry, he does not have your stomach. He has to understand this is important to you, even if he thinks you look great.
You absolutely have to be blunt and 100% straight up with him. He is a normal weight and obviously doesn't watch what he eats, it's probably hard for him to understand why you have to, especially since he likes you the way you are (As he should!).
Or you can scare him straight. If you are comfortable, give him the cold hard facts. Give him the math. "I eat -x amount- calories a day. I exercise -x amount- a day/week. According to my BMI, I'm still overweight by -x amount-. My health is really important to me and I need you to respect that." And I feel like you SHOULD bring up your diet every time you are out to eat. He'll eventually stop trying to feed you if you keep reminding him you are trying to get healthy.
Bopping my boyfriend over the nose with my cold hard facts is what got him to be my cheerleader instead trying to feed me. He never asks me to eat some of his food anymore, or to split that appetizer, or to have this dessert. He now knows I have a hard enough time as it is without him offering things I love to me.
I think you just need to accept that you are alone in this journey. Sure, people will be there to support you along the way (everyone on this forum for sure!) but ultimately each decision NOT to have the wings and fries comes down to you.
It would be lovely if the people in our lives understood our plans and motivations, but not everyone will. I'm sure your boyfriend is supportive of you, and probably doesn't realize that offering you his food or questioning your choices seems unsupportive -- the truth is that he may NEVER understand.
My fiance is my best friend, and on the rare occasion that I say something to him such as "Man, I could REALLY go for some ice cream right now" his response is typically "Okay, go get some." He's a man... and they are naturally wired to try to solve a problem when presented with one. He doesn't always understand that I am just basically whining about wanting ice cream but not wanting to deviate from my planned meals for the day.
All you can really do is just be patient with people. There will always be a boyfriend, husband, best friend, mom, sister, coworker or child there offering you food, pressuring you to take time off and skip your workout, or making comments about your choices. You just have to learn to hold your own and know that you are making the right decisions for yourself, and nobody else NEEDS to understand what that means exactly.
everything you said right here.
I have the same issue with my fiance sometimes too. If I posted everything he did some people would think he's a saboteur, but in reality he's just a dude who has never been overweight and doesn't understand.
As a teacher I get little cute children offering me cupcakes all the time! I certainly can't get annoyed at them lol, but I do refuse.
It's ultimately my decision as to what I eat and don't eat. It does get annoying sometimes, but this is my lifestyle choice so I just have to stick with it
"I'm just not hungry right now."
"I'm already so full from everything else!"
"Wow, this is so good, but it's too sweet/salty/huge for me; I couldn't possibly eat another bite."
"This [insert healthy choice] is what tastes good to me right now."
"I'm a girl, silly; I don't have your manly appetite."
"Ooh, I'd like to save some of this for later!"
"Fried food/chips/candy/burgers/etc. upsets my tummy."
"I'm really not in the mood for that right now."
"Nah, I'm not really hungry right now, but sure could use a [diet] soda!"
Any of the above will do, with not a mention of "diet" or "lifestyle" in sight. No need to focus on restricting yourself! Just be earnest and say it with a smile.
You absolutely have to be blunt and 100% straight up with him.
I agree. Just flat out tell him you'd like to lose some weight and this is what you're eating. You don't have to say anything like 'I'm not happy with my body" or anything like that if you don't want to.
Some people, when they are eating a lot of food, feel better about eating it when everyone around them is eating a lot too. I'm not sure that's what's happening here, but maybe.
I think we get a cultural message that overeating is fun, in much the same way drinking is perceived to be fun. Anyone who doesn't do these things is boring/prudish/too rigid. I remember a Friends episode where 12-pound Rachel and 16-lb Joey ate tons of cheesecake, and never suffered any weight-related impact. (All of those tiny girls were forever eating pizza and other hugely fattening meals, and never once did any of them talk about counting calories or watching portions, etc.) My daughter watches iCarly, and tiny, petite Sam is presented as eating unlimited quantities of fattening food. The "fatties" don't eat meals at normal times or in normal quantities--they eat entire buffets and have huge, ever-present stashes of candy. And it's funny every time they eat because they threaten to bite the fingers off any person who tries to share their food or because the buffet owner has to go bankrupt or other, equally extreme reaction.
How does a naturally normal-weight person understand the amount of effort it takes to get to or maintain a normal weight for those of us who face weight issues? I feel for your boyfriend, especially after he saw you eating like a "normal" person on vacation. But I agree with the other posters. It's up to you to educate him. Whether you say you are doing it to look and feel better about yourself, to improve your health, or just because you function better when you're choosing healthier options, I think he'll understand. And you can be "fun" in so many, far superior ways! (Promise - no double entendre meant there. I'm just thinking of all the movie montages. Playing volleyball or paint ball. Jogging together on the beach. Dancing all night. Etc.)
I feel for your boyfriend, especially after he saw you eating like a "normal" person on vacation.
He actually wasn't with me at the beach; however, we go out almost every time we get together and there for a little while I was letting myself slide a little bit, so now that I'm all of a sudden being all "I can't eat that", I guess he's confused. But its just a thing, if I say "I can't eat that", then he asks why and it just irritates me that I can't just eat my food and be happy, lol.
He actually wasn't with me at the beach; however, we go out almost every time we get together and there for a little while I was letting myself slide a little bit, so now that I'm all of a sudden being all "I can't eat that", I guess he's confused. But its just a thing, if I say "I can't eat that", then he asks why and it just irritates me that I can't just eat my food and be happy, lol.
LaurieDawn brings up a VERY good point though; how do the people in our lives know what we "can" and "can't" eat, and when? It's got to be confusing to say "Oh man my vacation was awesome and I had the BEST dinner at ..." and then say "I can't eat that"... (Not saying that's what you did, but as an example). I've never given that part of it much thought before.
When I get to see my fiance (we are in a LDR) he and I go out to eat more frequently and are a lot more indulgent together than when we are apart. He knows that I don't eat like that all the time, but I don't think he'll fully UNDERSTAND until we are living together and he really gets to see my day-to-day life for more than a week or so at a time.
Surviving a vacation and other things!
