I'm sorry you have to deal with this. But remember that you are aggravated with her for behaving like that. So you definitely don't want to do the same thing, right? You are setting a good example for her, and most importantly, you are changing yourself for the better. When you get a driver's license, you will be able to get away and not be so subjected to that. As far as even trying to help her with whatever plan it is she thinks she's going with, I wouldn't even try. Just go along with whatever damage she's inflicting. Believe me, when she sees you getting closer and closer to goal weight, she will take notice. Everyone always does. Especially family. So don't give up! Keep going! You can do this, and binge eating will just make you feel guilty and a little bit further away from your goal. Take care of yourself.
You cant control what others do, say, or feel, but you can control yourself. You might have to do as she says and give her junk, but you do not have to take part. I understand being upset, but if you choose not to take her unhealthy behavior personally tippy will do yourself a world of good. She's punishing herself enough, I'm sure. Try and be positive for your sake, and you'll be a lot happier for it.
Last edited by fatferretfanatic; 06-26-2012 at 11:51 AM.
I don't know how old you are, but if it were me I wouldn't take part in her behaviors. If she wants cheesecake she can go get it, I wouldn't enable her. She doesn't respect the fact that asking that of you puts your journey in jeopardy having that food right in your face. It's not your responsibility to bring her food, you aren't her servant.
Perhaps if you explain to them why you are saying no you could avoid being punished? To me it's absolutely absurd to be punished for not bringing someone food, that's just dumb.
This happened with my mom too when I lived at home. She'd say "oh don't let me bake cookies or cake" and then a few days later she'd snarl at me like a cornered animal and tell me to mind my own business.
The truth is you can't change her eating habits, only she can do that. Asking you to 'monitor' her is just a way of shifting responsibility. I bet anything she says "why didn't you stop me?" later once she's gained weight again.
I've been dealing with something a little similar with my mom. She also decided to start watching what she eats after seeing my success so far. She really does try and doesn't binge or anything, but she doesn't seem to understand how many calories are really in foods. For example, she'll get a big salad somewhere with cheese and chicken and regular dressing and think she's eating healthy when in reality that salad could be 700 calories or more. Yes, the greens are good for her but if you're counting calories its good to reconsider the huge salads at restaraunts. She also is still in the mind frame that peanut butter is healthy because its protein and doesn't think about the fact that its crazy high in calories for the amount you can eat (which is super easy to under estimate).
At any rate, what I've come to realize is that I can make suggestions but I can't force her to eat something and I can't change her mentality over night. I can help her and try to provide support and help when she asks for it, but otherwise I just try to stand clear of her choices. I know your mom is asking you to help her stop the eating habits but its not something you can do for her. She's just going to have to realize one day that she needs to do something about the binging before she can truly start getting healthier and if you want to avoid her scolding you for saying things to her, there's not much you can do but hope she realizes it on her own.
Ignore it. It may frustrate you, but it has nothing to do with you - she's a grown woman and will decide what to put in her mouth.
I completely feel your pain, though. For a while my grandmother was living with me and she's a severe diabetic and has high blood pressure. After five years of failing eyesight, sugar levels that are unheard of, passing out in stores, hospital visits, etc, she STILL eats all day. You know what she eats? Animal crackers (sugar) and fruit (sugar).
I'd make a beautiful veggie-rich homemade chili, for example, and she'd tell me she couldn't eat it because of her ailments. Then, she'd eat a bagel and an entire can of tomato soup, adding water to dilute it because of the sodium, but still eating the entire can!
It's one of those things. You just can't worry about what other people are doing. You can express your concerns, offer your knowledge or even cooking assistance, but sometimes it's time to disconnect emotionally. You can't control anyone else but yourself.
You've been placed in a no-win situation. I would say she's proven she's not really interested in eating healthy and that she's even willing to sabotage your efforts ("there's pizza in there"). I would take her what she asks for. If she brings up again that you're supposed to be offering her a shake, point out that you did that and were told not to lip off. It can't be both ways. Either she wants your help, or she does not. It sounds to me like she isn't mentally ready. And besides that, she's the adult- and she should act like an adult and be responsible for her own behavior, not put it off on her child.
Good job on losing the weight you have so far. I'd try to stay completely neutral where you mom is concerned. As with most people, she certainly knows she's doing it wrong and you're doing it right. When she offers you something you don't want to eat, just say, "No thanks." If she asks you to bring her something, maybe you could just neglect to check your phone ever second. Maybe if she has to wait, she'll change her mind or get the hint. You can do this. It would be great if your mom were totally on your side, but you can do it without her help or participation. Hang in there.
Ignore it. It may frustrate you, but it has nothing to do with you - she's a grown woman and will decide what to put in her mouth.
I completely feel your pain, though. For a while my grandmother was living with me and she's a severe diabetic and has high blood pressure. After five years of failing eyesight, sugar levels that are unheard of, passing out in stores, hospital visits, etc, she STILL eats all day. You know what she eats? Animal crackers (sugar) and fruit (sugar).
I'd make a beautiful veggie-rich homemade chili, for example, and she'd tell me she couldn't eat it because of her ailments. Then, she'd eat a bagel and an entire can of tomato soup, adding water to dilute it because of the sodium, but still eating the entire can!
It's one of those things. You just can't worry about what other people are doing. You can express your concerns, offer your knowledge or even cooking assistance, but sometimes it's time to disconnect emotionally. You can't control anyone else but yourself.
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This is excellent advice and exactly what I would have said. I can offer sympathy for you, because I have also been in this type of situation, however, only she can make the changes. She is a grown woman and you should not be expected to be the drill sargeant and treat her like a child. I hope that some of the advice here is helpful to you. Good luck!
I need to rant a bit. :(
