He sounds like a two year old. IA with the others. Time for you to be selfish and say no so you can start losing some weight. At over 200lbs, those aren't just vanity lbs you need to lose anymore. The poster who said 'misery loves company' hit the nail on the head.
He's probably fearful you'll lose weight, and then leave him for a more attractive, fit guy.
I find it odd that he would be offended that you want to eat less. That's a little bit of an unhealthy dynamic. I think you should talk to him on another night, when you're both calm and its quiet, and tell him that you need something about this to change...perhaps the restaurant (to one with good options available). That you love and appreciate the night out, and don't want to change having this tradition with him, but you just need it to work for both of you.
So every week it is tradition to order out. Every Thursday we usually order from a local pizza shop. Usually my weeks go something like
Thurs: huge binge
Fri: not so big but still too much
Sat-Mon: borderline
Tues-Wed: doing great
So naturally the scale hasn't been doing much moving. Other than up then back where I started.
So I need some healthy foods I can get from a pizza/Italian food restaurant, and if possible nutrition values?
You're not going to lose significant weight eating like this. Eating decent 2 days a week and binge/over eating the rest isn't going to move the scale in the right direction. Italian restaurants, pasta, pizza etc are all working against you...You have to decide on your own when your ready to take control of your eating habits with or without your boyfriend's help. House salad with vinagrette dressing or baked fish with veggies is about it when it comes to Italian restaurants. Stay clear from pasta and pizza on a regular basis.
Hey hon. I didn't read all the replies, but I know exactly how you feel.
It's not your fault that takeout is hard for you and your control slips.
My fiancé is similar in that he takes offense at stupid things, but he's a good guy. I spent a long time trying to dance around the issue of my weight and diet with him because I felt embarassed I guess. But guys have to be told whats up or they just dont get it! What helped for me was explaining (calmly) how hard it was for me to control my food choices and intake. My DF is naturally thin and doesnt understand weight problems. Having me 'get real' with him in a non aggressive way helped him understand and get on my side. It also helps to not place blame on him. I would talk to your bf but NOT on thurs when he's already got pizza on the brain. Maybe tomorrow you can tell him how sluggish, sick and guilty you feel (it's okay to play it up a little) and then casually introduce the idea of switching things up. Maybe brainstorm other places with healthier options. Or suggest cooking for him, or together on Thursday's. Don't say "we CAN'T have pizza EVER" but rather 'it's okay to splurge but for me right now, until I get my diet under control, i can only splurge once a month.' Make sure he knows you appreciate him paying, and you love the tradition, and that you would like to keep the tradition of eating something good together on Thursday's, but you'd like to try some other options. You guys could grill out (or in a skillet) steaks or salmon, even cook pasta or little pizzas like someone else suggested, or explore new, fresher restaurant options in your area.
For eating out, I choose a good cut of meat with mixed veggies and a salad with dressing on the side. If youre doing the pizza place, choose the salad with grilled chicken, dressing on the side, and you can ask them to leave off things like bacon and croutons but I keep my cheese! It won't hurt you if you're clean everywhere else, and it feels like a treat. For takeout, I have low-cal dressing I love at home and I throw away what they send me on the side. I always dip with dressing, never pour it on top.
Your biggest concerns eating out are breads and starches, sauces, and amount of cheese. Always go grilled, no bun no roll no fried anything, no potatoes. NO CORN! I don't fret about cheese and sauce as long as everything else is grilled or green! That way I really enjoy the cheese and sauce, and my veggies and protein have flavor so I don't feel deprived.
These are just tips for eating out, not your all-the-time diet, although these rules do work wonders for weight loss. It's easier for me because I know I'll be fairly safe if I follow them. It's still a good idea to leave about 800 cals free if you're eating out.
For me, eating out is a landmine. I will inevitably want the calzone, not the salad. This is where YOUR choices come into play, so arm yourself with knowledge.
Before, I would order something unhealthy before giving myself time to think about it, even if I knew I should get the healthy option. Now, if I'm craving fast food I know the hardest part is driving by, but once I'm past I don't regret it. Same with eating out. I may REALLY want something unhealthy but I order healthy without letting myself think about it. I know that in the unlikely circumstance that I do regret choosing that, it can only be as bad as regret for eating something gross and greasy, and I've definitely felt that before so I'm not worried. But I never regret eating healthy.
Good luck honey.
Last edited by munchievictim; 05-24-2012 at 11:11 AM.
Reason: 1000 typos
Also, this always sounded silly to me but it's true!- if you're gonna have the unhealthy, chew it slow. I count to twenty bites at least before I swallow. It really helps you savor, fill up faster, and very chewed up food has a weird texture and kind of helps kill my craving for it.
A lot of people are giving you advice on how to change everything on this thread, because we're worried about bf's attitude, so I'm trying to actually answer your q about what you can eat. As for your relationship having problems or not, no one knows that except you.
I'm with a great guy, andnive gained about the same amount you have since we've been together but that's my fault. He's only gained 20 lbs. my fiancé tends to get emotional about things he doesn't understand because he assumes the worst (you don't want to eat pizza with me so you must not love me anymore because you won't let me treat you). Also, before I was dieting, I would get a bit (or a lot) upset if my fiancé didn't want to binge with me because he wasn't hungry. Completely irrational behavior, but I felt like i couldn't if he didn't, And if he ate with me it wasn't such a terrible choice. I had to get in touch with myself and sort out why I felt that way, and it was selfish and awful but I wasn't intentionally being terrible and I don't think I'm a bad person or unworthy of love. Thank god he didn't dump me over it. Realizing that about myself helped me be more understanding of his weird emotional swings or expectations. I have found that we're usually misunderstanding one another and hurting each others feelings for silly reasons we can't even see. Communication was vital to fixing that and our relationship is definitely still not perfect. But neither of us are inherently flawed.
Try talking things out with him in a non-accusing way, and try to see where he's coming from and acknowledge his feelings.
HOWEVER, if after that he persists in being a jerk about it, we need to have a little chat about what you're worth and what you don't deserve. You can't make excuses for yourself to overeat, and you can't make excuses for him if he's really not a very good guy. If he doesn't respect your desire to lose weight, then he doesn't respect you, and it's time to move on. You WILL find someone else.
There is a REAL reason why he is acting the way he is.. and you need to find out about it.
Maybe he thinks you are trying to lose weight so you can find someone better. Weight loss can be considered a suspicious act and make your SO feel threatened. He might also being using your weight to CONTROL you.
Find somewhere else to order from! We order Chinese food every couple weeks. He gets whatever he wants.. I get steamed chicken and veggies. I make my own sauce at home (sugar free) and I don't feel like I'm missing out.
I also AGREE with what JohnP said. In the end it is YOU who is eating all that food.
"Excuse" or not, it is hard to say no to something that is a formed habit when you have an accomplice.
So, rather than say she is just making excuses, I say that they just need to figure out a different hobby that allows them to share time together without focusing on food.
OP I hope you don't mind if I bring this up but if I recall, you are a recovered addict. It is natural for one with an addictive behaviour to translate from one (drug use) to another (overeating). I would suggest finding an alternative 'outlet' to focus on, such as loooong walks (summer, yay), swimming together, camping, etc.
I don't think we know enough about the OP and her relationship to bash her BF. Many people react poorly when someone they care about is trying to lose weight. Yes, he might feel threatened that she'll find someone better. He might feel she is subtly judging him. He might feel it threatens an established date night. Who knows? I think what the OP needs is some suggestions on how to deal with his concern, whatever it is.
My suggestion is to sit down on another night- not the night you guys normally order out- and explain to him that it's really important to you to get healthier and why. Explain that this is not a judgment on him and that you still love him, but that you are unhappy with yourself the way you are and that you need to change and you need his support. If you enlist him to support you, it may help. By talking on a different night, he should be more receptive, and you guys can spend a few days looking at alternatives to the pizza. Obviously you customize that conversation to match your feelings and needs, but make sure you keep it about you and ask him for his support.
I don't think we know enough about the OP and her relationship to bash her BF. Many people react poorly when someone they care about is trying to lose weight. Yes, he might feel threatened that she'll find someone better. He might feel she is subtly judging him. He might feel it threatens an established date night. Who knows? I think what the OP needs is some suggestions on how to deal with his concern, whatever it is.
I don't think we know enough about the OP and her relationship to bash her BF. Many people react poorly when someone they care about is trying to lose weight. Yes, he might feel threatened that she'll find someone better. He might feel she is subtly judging him. He might feel it threatens an established date night. Who knows? I think what the OP needs is some suggestions on how to deal with his concern, whatever it is.
Well, exactly. I'm sure that for partners who aren't changing their eating habits there is a period of mourning, so to speak, for the changes that this will bring- you've had this as a 'couple activity' for awhile now, so it's just different. They might wonder what else is going to change, even if it seems minor to the rest of us, and that might make them worry about the relationship. So I don't think we need to bash on this guy, this stuff happens all the time and I'm sure he doesn't fully realize the effect it's having on her. It doesn't make him malicious or a bad person, especially if she hasn't been firm about it yet. I'm sure if you tell him how important this is to you (as Dee suggested, not in the moment or at the usual time you'd order food, etc), he'll be more supportive!
I didn't read all the replies, but I know exactly how you feel.
