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Mother's Day reminds me how I've missed the "family life" boat b/c of my weight

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Old 05-13-2012, 08:51 PM   #1
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Default Mother's Day reminds me how I've missed the "family life" boat b/c of my weight

Mothers' Day is tough for me. Why? Because I'm a 34-year old, VERY single woman. I have no husband, no fiancee, no boyfriend...no date even. I've let my weight issues get in the way of not really/truly focusing on finding "the one", getting married, and starting a family. I keep on telling myself "If only I lost 25 pounds, then men, that I actually am attracted to, will want me." Enough of this "well if he really liked you, then he wouldn't care about your weight" mentality. Sorry, but the reality of it is that MOST men do want a slender/fit woman.

I try not to let it get to me most days. I keep on telling others (and myself) how blessed I am to have all this freedom. Most days I mean it...but on days like Mother's Day, where I get bombarded with pictures of girlfriends' posting pictures of their baby/babies/children on Facebook...and some posting pictures of their husband and kids....I can't help but feel like I'm some sort of freak and that's why no man has wanted to marry me.

Most of my Facebook girlfriends are in their late 20s. So the fact that I'm in my mid-30s with weight issues...with the weight not coming off as it once did in my early 20s...it feels like I've missed the 'Life' boat.

I wish I had a husband. I wish I had at least once child. I do enjoy my freedom. But on "family holidays" like Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, it really stinks to know that time is going by, I'm not getting any younger, I'm certainly not getting any thinner, and I'm THAT woman in the social circle who no one wanted to pair up with and start a family with.

It's a vicious cycle.

I guess I'm just writing this to get it out of my mind. My younger sister-in-law is currently pregnant. Her baby shower is next month and I'm dreading to go because A LOT of my relatives are going to be there and make rude comments to me about my weight and being single at such an "old" age of 34.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:14 PM   #2
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I completely understand. I am a single 30-year old that really can't handle dating, so single I stay. I was walking through the store last night and it was packed with men and children getting last minute mother's day gift and while it rarely bothers me that much, last night it kind of sat on me like a two ton weight.

The good news, my sister is getting married next weekend, she's 32, her fiance is 36. They aren't going to wait around to have kids, but like her, you are not too old to still have the family life...I'm not either, I'm just going to have to make some changes to my life if that's what I want. Just hang in there and remember you are not the only single 30-something out there.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:41 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeBird3 View Post
Mothers' Day is tough for me. Why? Because I'm a 34-year old, VERY single woman. I have no husband, no fiancee, no boyfriend...no date even. I've let my weight issues get in the way of not really/truly focusing on finding "the one", getting married, and starting a family. I keep on telling myself "If only I lost 25 pounds, then men, that I actually am attracted to, will want me." Enough of this "well if he really liked you, then he wouldn't care about your weight" mentality. Sorry, but the reality of it is that MOST men do want a slender/fit woman.

I try not to let it get to me most days. I keep on telling others (and myself) how blessed I am to have all this freedom. Most days I mean it...but on days like Mother's Day, where I get bombarded with pictures of girlfriends' posting pictures of their baby/babies/children on Facebook...and some posting pictures of their husband and kids....I can't help but feel like I'm some sort of freak and that's why no man has wanted to marry me.

Most of my Facebook girlfriends are in their late 20s. So the fact that I'm in my mid-30s with weight issues...with the weight not coming off as it once did in my early 20s...it feels like I've missed the 'Life' boat.

I wish I had a husband. I wish I had at least once child. I do enjoy my freedom. But on "family holidays" like Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, it really stinks to know that time is going by, I'm not getting any younger, I'm certainly not getting any thinner, and I'm THAT woman in the social circle who no one wanted to pair up with and start a family with.

It's a vicious cycle.

I guess I'm just writing this to get it out of my mind. My younger sister-in-law is currently pregnant. Her baby shower is next month and I'm dreading to go because A LOT of my relatives are going to be there and make rude comments to me about my weight and being single at such an "old" age of 34.
It is a vicious cycle that you have yourself in. When you are ready for a relationship you will either loss weight or change your expectations of an ideal man.

Try Ideal Protien...you could be twenty pounds lighter by your SIL's party. I bet that is a pant size cha cha cha
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Last edited by Tripmama : 05-13-2012 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:44 PM   #4
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As I single mom, Mother's Day always makes me wish I had gotten married, because it is the husband , not the kids, who make these plans.
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:36 PM   #5
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I wish I had the right words to make you feel better, but I know there are always going to be days like today that will hit you like a ton of bricks. Love happens when you least expect it. You'll be ready for it and happy with yourself and it'll be the last thing on your mind and then it'll hit you. You know that the grass is always greener on the other side. Married women, moms, etc., live vicariously through the single women....and vice versa.
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Old 05-14-2012, 08:16 AM   #6
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It's not too late for you. I had my first baby at 35, my second at 36, and my third at 41 (with no fertility drugs and no problems whatsoever). Oh and I was also fat for every pregnancy and birth, and when I met my husband.

It happens all the time. Look around you at how many overweight people are happily paired up/married... weight is not the deciding factor. It's YOU who has to feel open to it, not as though you're 'waiting' until you're 'x' size or weight.

I also really think you have to be willing to DO something to improve your chances of meeting someone. Online dating, joining new clubs or groups that you're interested in.. you have to put yourself out there. I have a few friends that never met anyone either, but in those cases they were in female centered careers (nurse/teacher), hung out evenings and weekends with the same friends and family at people's homes.. in other words weren't ever in a position to actually MEET someone.

Give yourself the best possible chance, and feel like it's something that WILL happen for you!
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