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You've lost a lot..but you're no where near where you wanna be...

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Old 05-10-2012, 04:54 PM   #1
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Default You've lost a lot..but you're no where near where you wanna be...

I think that is the one motto that haunts me. I've lost almost 40lbs. I look different, but I FEEL the same as I did at 250. I don't feel any better about myself. I tried on my semi-formal dress from last year and it fits well. But I just don't feel happy or comfortable in my body. I have rolls. I still have a horrible dunlap. Arm fat. Double chin. Those things just don't seem to go away. And I hate it. I hate it so much. Anyone been where I've been and have tips on getting out of this funk? /:
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Old 05-10-2012, 04:57 PM   #2
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It really really really helps to compare pictures side by side. I didn't do this until I posted them here on the forums. I felt the exact same way you do. After I looked, I thought to myself, holy crap! I look much smaller! Yes, I still have rolls, and pooches and lots of extra fat but I made myself see the difference.

Brains are funny things, sometimes I see myself as "fat" sometimes I think "Hey, I'm not all THAT fat", sometimes even in the same day. I didn't change but my perception or environment did. Try to take the emotion out of it and really compare what your body looked like before your 40 pound loss and after.

Don't be so hard on yourself!
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Old 05-10-2012, 05:09 PM   #3
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Yes, compare side by side. I saw big differences even in just twenty pounds lost.

And hopefully nobody SAID that to you, because if they did they should have been promptly punched in the nose. If it is just you saying that in your head, stop it! Seriously. If you don't believe you can do it, no diet will succeed. Food can't overcome mental barriers, but confidence and determination can overcome almost anything, given enough time. Working on your internal dialog is crucial to success.
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Old 05-10-2012, 05:28 PM   #4
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I've lost over 100 pounds, and it's taken me years to do it. And it was just this past week that I was able to squeeze into a size 22 jeans (at my highest I couldn't reliably fit in a 28). Which means I've only lost 4-5 sizes. I know I'm much better off than I was 100 pounds ago, but I still have 100 pounds yet to go!

So I know how frustrating it is. I still longingly look at regular stores and wish I didn't have to shop in the plus sizes. I wish my waist curved in instead of out. I wish I didn't have any rolls or muffin tops to deal with. I wish I could feel comfortable in a skirt or shorts. But even though it often feels like I have nothing to show for it, every little pound counts! Every little step in the right direction means better health and a better you. More energy, a longer life, a healthier mind and body.

When progress isn't going as quickly as we like, it can be difficult to appreciate how far we've already come. So do your best to focus on the positives, no matter how big or small. Find reasons to celebrate living a healthier life instead of just watching the tags on your clothes or the number on the scale.

It's easy to get caught up with where you want to be. But don't let that stop you from enjoying where you are now!
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Old 05-10-2012, 05:52 PM   #5
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Kassie, you forgot the rest of that motto hun....

You've lost a lot... but you're no where near where you wanna be... BUT you're no where close to where you once were!

We've all felt it. I hear "OMG you've lost weight again!" and I say thanks, but in my head think, yeah right, where?

We are our own worst enemies. Especially as women, we're programmed to dislike anything but the "perfect" body size.

I've lost 65# and if it weren't for a drop in jean sizes, I cannot tell the difference in the mirror. And since I have a morbid fear of photographic paraphernalia (I swear, it's a disease ), there are no before and after pics to compare.

Tell that little voice in your head to shut up. Tell it (and yourself) you're proud of your accomplishments. Treat yourself to something like a pedi or mani, something you don't usually do. A new pair of earrings or a necklace to show off your beautiful face. Treat yourself like the winner you are. Be proud woman. You're 40# lighter.
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Old 05-10-2012, 05:53 PM   #6
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Those of us who started at higher weights can definitely relate. But think about how much you've done in terms of your health. 40lbs is a tremendous amount, so don't diminish that accomplishment! No way do you look the same as you did before.

It'll come. It might not be quick but I've been where you are and I know once I started getting closer to my goal my mindset started to change. I think once I got to the point that I was almost in the "overweight" BMI category, I really started appreciating my new body, since then I've just enjoyed it more and more.

A big part of it for me too was learning to dress myself and updating my wardrobe as I lost.
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Old 05-10-2012, 06:31 PM   #7
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You might want to go to the grocery store and pick up two 20 lb bags of dog food to remind yourself how incredibly awesome 40 lbs is. You most likely will have difficulty holding the bags for very long. Now set the bags down. And step back and congratulate yourself, because you are AWESOME!!!!!!! This is 40 lbs your body doesn't have to carry around anymore, and now you should let about 40 lbs of emotional baggage go, too. You deserve to be able to love yourself, no matter your size. You will be where you want to be some day soon, and then you will wonder why you wasted so much time hating yourself, even though you are still the same wonderful person inside. I remember being particularly down on myself one morning when I woke up. I was sore from exercising, tired, and had to be at work early. I was a super crabby version of myself. And then I realized that I woke up, and got out of bed on my own two legs. I could move in my own body. I woke up in a bed, not on the street. I was under a roof, and I was heading in to eat breakfast. I realized that feeling fat and being sore and tired was not the worst thing that could happen to me. I, for whatever reason, realized that being fat is an issue that really only matters the most to me. I don't have a terminal disease. I had to stop feeling so sorry for myself. I didn't deserve to feel as bad as I was trying to make myself feel. Feeling huge and guilty about my weight is counterproductive. The only thing I can do is appreciate what I have, and what I am working towards. If I appreciate the positive changes I have made, it helps to negate all of the "You are worthless because you are fat" messages that my mind wants me to hear. You go girl! You have done something great for yourself, so stop being your own worst critic.
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Old 05-10-2012, 08:19 PM   #8
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I think you're doing awesome. Keep it up! The next 40 lbs will be where the big differences start to appear.
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Old 05-10-2012, 08:32 PM   #9
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I also feel the same way.
I just continue my habits and try not to think about what I will look like when I reach goal! Or even what I currently look like, I just keep going. Sometimes thinking about the result stresses me out way too much (like Will I look OK? Will I have to lose more?) or makes me impatient.
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Old 05-10-2012, 08:44 PM   #10
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Oh, Kassie. I hear ya, girl!

It is so hard to see your weight loss on yourself. I'm struggling with it too. You see yourself in the mirror everyday, so you look the same to yourself.

Do you have a pair of your "before" pants? Go put them on. See how big they are?

Is there a friend/relative/acquaintance you haven't seen in a while? Those are the folks that will REALLY notice, and hopefully tell you so.

Side by side pictures are great, too.

Hang in there - you're doing great!
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:17 PM   #11
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Most people didn't even notice the first 30 pounds of my weight loss. Now that I'm 55 pounds lighter, two people have independently said that I look like "a shadow of my former self." Sometimes it takes a certain number of pounds before your weight loss becomes va-va-voom noticeable. But eventually it will, rest assured.

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Old 05-10-2012, 10:06 PM   #12
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You've done such a great job so far, you should be really proud of yourself! It's normal to feel this way, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just drink some sort of magic potion and wake up the next day slim and toned?

On the other hand, working hard to achieve a goal makes us really appreciate it when we get there. Just stay strong, you're doing great! *hugs*
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:32 AM   #13
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Pictures!!!

Sometimes even now I feel like nothing has changed. MANY times when I was losing weight I felt that way...until I compared pictures. Sometimes I was in total shock!

Also one thing I would tell myself all the time is how would be starting weight self react if my current self (at any point in my WL journey) said she felt fat? Most of the time my answer was: "she would probably rip her a new one."

You've done great! Just keep powering on through this and I guarantee you that you will pass some magical point where suddenly you look completely different. It took almost 40lb for me...everything shifted around and my figure started changing as well. Also it was the magical threshold where I went from "hmmm she looks like she lost weight" to "OH MY GOD YOU LOOK AMAZING."
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Old 05-11-2012, 06:20 AM   #14
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Please please don't give up!
You are the exact weight that I was four years ago when I felt like it was useless and I gave up. I gained half my weight back. Don't do this. Please keep going. A month after I gave up, someone posted a picture of me and I realized I was finally starting to look different. But it was too late at that point in my head. I was back to binging and too stressed to do a thing about it.

What about your fitness? When I was 215 I felt fantastic compared to my beginning. I would run with kids and I could outrun my skinny coworkers
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:27 AM   #15
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Thanks everyone! Reading these comments, I feel a bit better. My endurance is a lot better than it was before, now that I think about it. And I guess everyone had their flaws at one point or another. Thank you for all your input and advice.
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"Rather than aiming for being perfect, just aim to be little bit better today than you were yesterday."
"If we defend our habits, we have no intentions of quitting them."
"Your past does not equal, nor does it dictate, your future. "

"Without struggle, there is no progress."
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