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Old 04-30-2012, 05:14 PM   #1
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Default Anyone scared of becoming "invisible" again after reaching goal?

Myself and others have mentioned the phenomenon of becoming more invisible the larger we get. For example, I can remember the days when I was obese being like a dry desert in terms of receiving compliments on my appearance. I might have spent hours on my makeup, hair, clothing, accessories, shoes - but rarely would I get any praise on my appearance.

Now that I have lost some weight, I get complimented all the time when I dress up. However, I think it is mostly the novelty of the recent weight loss that catches people's attention.

I was sitting here trying to remember what life was like when I used to be thin. I do remember always getting compliments when I got dressed up, but I don't remember getting a lot of attention on a day to day basis when I was dressed in everyday clothes.

So, when the compliments dry up as people become accustomed to my smaller size, will I become invisible again? Will I lose my motivation to maintain my weight loss? What do all of you think about this subject?
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:25 PM   #2
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I am here right now. I don't get as many compliments as I use to and there are days it is hard to keep on track. I would still like to lose 10lbs and I am having a tough time staying on plan with food. I get my exercise in but my food is not always good and my scale is up 2lbs. I have a HUGE fear of regaining the weight I lost. Gives me nightmares.
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:34 PM   #3
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I have nightmares about regain, too.

I've been within 10 lbs of my current weight for almost 2 years, now. So everyone that knew me at my heaviest, is used to this version of me. I've never been "thin" so being treated 'normally' will probably always be weird to me. I catch myself trying not to stand out a lot... Like I'm still almost 300 lbs and trying not to get in anyone's way. My husband brings it to my attention a lot, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

I spent so much time trying to be invisible... that I kind of enjoy not being noticed!!! It doesn't help that I'm very tall... I guess I'll never be completely off the radar! Living in Japan didn't help that either!
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:39 PM   #4
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I think it's really interesting you brought this up; we don't think nearly as much about what it's like after we've been maintaining for a while and the compliments stop coming. I think we just have to make a commitment to look good for ourselves. Just remember all the progress you've made and think about how disappointing it would be to gain all of that weight back.
Sometimes, when I'm not feeling any motivation at all, I'll look at pictures of myself at my heaviest and compare them to old pictures of myself at my smallest.
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:40 PM   #5
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I don't know about you, but I'm not too worried about this (at least in terms of regain). There are always things to strive for and improve, fitness goals to make, other hobbies to undertake, and I never lost weight for praise. Yes, I love compliments, but the benefits of losing weight are far greater and longer lasting. It also feeds itself, in that I look and feel better and can do more, so new reasons to keep working at maintenance emerge when the old ones subside (if they do).

Worrying about regain is common and quite valid, we need to remain vigilant with our maintenance behaviors each day. But I think those are independent of motivation. It's just a daily thing, a commitment, a routine and habit, like brushing our teeth or wearing deodorant. It becomes background noise, and we do it automatically.

That is what we're striving for, not novelty or excitement, but being so ordinary for us tha we don't even think about it. I don't need compliments for that, I just need gumption and practice!
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:48 PM   #6
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For me, the compliments have slowed from people I know but the trade off is that I feel like I'm less invisible around people I don't know. So I don't get 'Wow, you look great! How much have you lost?!' anymore, but I get more strangers smiling at me, men nodding and store clerks wanting to help. I can't say how much of that is a change in appearance and how much is a change in what I'm projecting but that's what it feels like.
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Old 04-30-2012, 05:53 PM   #7
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I don't think average people become invisible. I don't think anyone becomes invisible. People might not openly comment once the novelty has worn off, but people take note all the time of "Looks like she's gained weight". Or, "he's balding" or "she looks so good - I wonder if she works out."

Those inner thoughts go on all the time of the people we know and pass on the street.

I will be so happy to be at a point where my weight seems normal for me and people just think of me as healthy and fit. I don't need the compliments and don't crave the attention, but it would be nice to know I left a positive feeling instead of what I'm sure people thought before.

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Old 04-30-2012, 06:00 PM   #8
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Don't focus on the negatives.

There are always going to be negatives you can focus on but instead - think about the positives.

What you focus on is what you're going to get - so focus on the positive aspects.
"Getting solid information is easier than ever. Getting misinformation is even easier." - Kaplods

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Old 04-30-2012, 06:53 PM   #9
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Well, if you go back to being "invisible" think of it this way - that's just life. If you look good and you are putting effort into your appearance but the compliments die down, chances are that's how it is for other women just like you. It's not you, it's not that you aren't attractive, it's just that the attention has settled into a norm of sorts. It's not spiked up or depressingly low, it's just normal.

I don't worry about it, I'm just happy that I feel good about myself again. I feel light and quicker, I feel so much better and with that will come attention just because I'm being so positive.

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Old 04-30-2012, 07:09 PM   #10
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One of the reasons I think previous weight loss attempts ultimately failed was because I expected things from weight loss that weren't realistic or sustainable. I expected weight loss to change my life fundamentally and in ways that would constantly reinforce the weight loss.

I've finally realized that my life isn't going to suddenly and dramatically change my life. All the improvements are gradual and easy to overlook, so I can't look for the rewards of weight loss to sustain the weight loss.

In some ways I've taken weight loss mostly off the table. Weight loss is one of the side benefits of what I'm really after and when I start to feel motivation start to lag because the weight is stalling, I remind myself of my real goals :

I'm not trying to look hot or see a certain number on the scale. I'm aiming for a healthier, more active life, and the things I need to do in order to get those things, also happens to result in weight loss. The smaller body is just a fringe benefit.

The only way I can regain, is if I forget what I want, and forget how to get/maintain it.

Sure it's nice to get attention for weight loss, but I prefer attention for reasons that are more meaninful to me - my irreverent sense of humor, my generosity of spirit, my love and attention given to my friends, my tangible and not-so tangible skills and qualities...
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:48 PM   #11
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I know what you mean....I have lost and gained the same weight so many times! I don't think the reason was lack of attention, but I remember being frustrated by the lack of interest once the novelty of my loss faded. This time, I'm trying not to focus on that aspect and hoping it will be one of the factors that keep me from regaining. I do notice that I'm kind of overly concerned with my appearance and I make a tremendous effort to look my very best. Maybe some shallow part of me is seeking approval and I do enjoy getting it, but I wish I didn't. It's not an aspect of my personality that I'm most proud of!
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:58 PM   #12
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Not really . . . I've felt invisible most of my life anyway.

But seriously? I just want to feel "normal," whatever that is. Comfortable, confident. I'm not expecting any special attention for losing weight or even being thin, I just want to feel better, have less worries with my health, and have more options with clothes.

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Old 04-30-2012, 07:59 PM   #13
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Clothes.. clothes are my motivation. Period. I love cool clothes.

I plan on shining bright. Starting now, and for always. I hid behind my weight and let it prevent me from doing so many things; from being me. So off with the fat suit and on with LIFE!
~ Donamari

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Old 04-30-2012, 08:41 PM   #14
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I hid behind my weight
This. I wanted to be invisible.

But back to guacamole's original post: it reminds me of something that flitted through my mind last Friday, after a bit of a shopping spree. As I was paying for my pile of new clothes, I found myself being a bit disappointed that the clerk didn't congratulate me on my weight loss - which makes no sense whatsoever, because how could she have known?? I actually had to laugh at myself. Compliments are fun, and motivating, but I have to remind myself that my weight loss isn't as important to others as it is to me - and that's a good thing!
I want to free myself from the burden of inaction. I want to raise myself to any plane I can imagine. ---Crowded House

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Old 04-30-2012, 10:01 PM   #15
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I guess it's all about how one defines "invisible". Not getting compliments on the weight loss actually will be a bit of a positive in some ways, as I am not used to receiving compliments and find them a tad uncomfortable for me.

I have never truly been thin, except maybe when I was in kindergarten, and one of the things I love about the weight loss is being invisible. I love going into a grocery store and not having people stare at me. Or watching people stare when I go into a restaurant or any other place. I am just ignored, with people walking by without taking note of me. To me, it means that I am normal and look kind of like everybody else.

Now I wouldn't mind if the occasional male hottie noticed me but hopefully one day...but for right now, being invisible is ok.
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