Yes I have had these thoughts. However time and age are catching up to me. I no longer care about the aesthetic piece. And to be honest I believe we can be hot and fat. lol But my knees are in pain from orthotic arthritis and I get exhausted from climbing the stairs when the escalators are down. I don't want the health side effects of being obese. And it gets worse with age.
"May you live every day of your life." - Jonathan Swift
I think learning to love yourself is important before you can begin a weight loss journey. Hating yourself thin is a horrible way to get there.
My life was fine when I was fat. I was physically active, I had a wonderful significant other, awesome family and friends and I refused to let my weight hold me back. When I got my eating on track and lost weight, things just got even better.
I've had many moments where I've convinced myself that I could be perfectly fine staying fat -- but after a few weeks or months, the reality of being fat always gets me down. Especially when I think about all the things I'm missing out on. All the things I have missed out on. I've always wanted to just live. To enjoy being young and free; to find a boyfriend; even to have a family one day. But being fat has made all of those things harder for me: it robbed me of my confidence, made me a recluse, and stopped me from partaking in some things I truly would have enjoyed if I'd felt just like everyone else.
Losing weight is the best thing I've ever done. I'm slowly rediscovering my confidence and what it feels like to have hope for the future. I can't imagine stopping now!
When I was in high school and elementary school, I wished I wasn't fat, but I was also not miserable about it. I just accepted it and it just was. I moved on from it and leaved my life. It didn't affect my quality of life or even popularity, once people figured out that I wasn't susceptible to teasing and there was more to me than "being the fat girl." I was resigned to being fat. It didn't really start to bother me till my sophomore year of college and it escalated from there and really started to hurt my previously good self-esteem. (I often say I was wayyyy better adjusted at 16 than I am even now!)
When my weight began to bother me emotionally and I began to realize I wasn't going to be a teenager forever and there were health considerations, I decided to do something about it. That was my resolution in January 2009, and I'm still on that journey now.
__________________ Original start/HW: Jan 2009: 275lb; 3FC Start Weight: July 19, 2009: 257lb; Record Low Weight: Oct 21, 2012: 152lb Losing the Regain- Jul 2014- Jul 2015 Overall Weight Loss
Sometimes. On days that I felt good for some reason or another I'd say to myself, "This isn't so bad, just be happy with things as they are". And when I felt bad, I'd just tell myself to deal with it because I'd probably never lose weight. I didn't believe that I actually was until I dropped close to 15 pounds and thought, "Okay, maybe I really am doing it this time..."
Healthy BMI reached!
"I knew at that moment I had to make a choice. I could submit to everything that was happening and live a life of excuses…or I could push myself. I could push myself and make my life good."
Until I got to college, yes. I thought it was normal to cry in the dressing room all the time. I had thin friends/family but I just thought it wasn't an option for me to just...lose weight. even now, I still have to work on not feeling helpless when I go home. But once I lived away from home in college, something snapped where I thought "I don't have to be this way"
Oh and I never really thought I was all that fat, I am very good at denial and told myself I was just a "little large" Then I saw pics and couldn't run away, and even then throughout high school I thought it was just something I was to be forever.
I listened to my gut and it said "You could do with less of me."
I think the reason I stayed overweight for so long was that while I knew I wasn't in shape at all, I didn't care enough to do anything toward losing weight. My life was pretty good, so what if I was 14 and too fat for juniors' XL tops? The 12 minute run in high school was grueling and took me out for an hour or two afterward - and I hadn't even touched a cigarette at that point!
After the first yo-yo my brain didn't catch up to my body and I still felt like a hot young thing or an "after" picture. I was bigger and in worse shape than most people at my college, but I didn't really care. Bad pictures were bad, but I only had one chin, so it could be worse. My friends and boyfriend were all good people who didn't care about 25-30 extra pounds, so it didn't feel urgent. So what if I was lying about my clothes size, telling people I was an 8 when I was really a 10-12? The discontent was always lingering, but it only reared its head once in a while.
I don't know that I ever phrased it to myself in that way.... but in a way, yes. My big yardstick has always been how I feel and how active I can be. I've always been able to keep up with my friends on hikes or even beat them uphill. I've been able to lift, carry, climb, run, stand, walk - do whatever I needed to do without complaint. I was never someone who was going to feel limited by her weight, to the point where I didn't really think of my weight as much of a problem until recently. It was only recently that my sedentary life and continued weight gain started causing big issues for me - back and knee pain, for one, but I also just felt WEAK. It was humbling. I couldn't help out like I used to when we moved. I got winded going upstairs. I had to call for others to slow down a bit for me. That, to me, is not okay... and I know the only remedy is getting down to a healthy weight and getting fit via the gym.
Never. Being thin feels SO MUCH BETTER than being fat. And I'm not talking about all the cool clothes I can wear (altho that IS pretty cool ) but I'm talkin'bout the general PHYSICAL feeling - doing everyday things is much easier... climbing the stairs, walking from the parking lot to the office, carrying heavy grocery bags, doing my own pedicures (today I'm wearing Purple Passion!!!! ) ****!, rolling over in bed is easier! And I LOVE that my doc has given me good grades (lower "bad" cholesterol, better tri-g's, lower blood pressure, etc.)
Plus, anytime I've ever been overweight, I've just felt so.... BLAH. Depression seems to get to me easier when I'm fat. Apparently there's something "oh-so-real" to that idea behind the body & mind being connected.
__________________ CHANGE IS HARD.
BUT PERPETUAL DISSATISFACTION AIN'T NO PICNIC EITHER!
You CAN have ANYTHING you want,
but you CAN'T have EVERYTHING you want!~my mama!
I have *tried* to convince myself that I could live with being fat, and maybe for brief moments I've decided "meh it's not so bad", but really it only lasts for a moment because I'm miserable like this.
I am not the type that still dresses cute when I'm overweight, i just wear jeans and oversized t-shirts, so I never feel attractive at higher weights. I've tried to buy cuter clothes when I weigh more, but I just don't like the way I look so I don't end up buying them.
So I answered "Sometimes, but I know I could never be happy being fat forever", but really it has only been for moments here and there.
I'm so glad all of you are sharing this with me! I made an account for 3FC months ago, but i only started being active on this site for 2 days. Thanks for participating in this thread and DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!!
I "used" to say I could be happy fat. I was plenty happy just maintaining my high weight (was between 255 and 275 for EONS). I 'said' as long as I could eat, be healthy and do everything I wanted to do, then that was fine with me.
Well, I just didn't know better. AND... eventually the weight caught up with me and my health.
Now that I'm slimmer and more fit, I realize how much I 'didn't do' because of my weight. I realize how limiting I had made my life. I was a fool.
Now I realize I could never be happy unfit and heavy and I make other people in my life unhappy too. Any of us who think our weight doesn't affect our loved ones? That's very short-sighted.
Restart 5/18/15 began at 263.9. All time high was 275 in 7/03. Low in Summer 2012 of 169.
A for the first 50 pounds lost, plus a for every additional 5 pounds lost on the weight loss reboot:
Whenever I've let myself into the mindset of settling at being fat, I think it was mostly a case of sour grapes. I've spent an entire lifetime being obese and much of it was spent feeling like I wasn't worthy of being treated like a regular person. So many times I've thought, "well screw it, I'll never be thin anyway" and would use that to justify not being accountable for myself. I also felt justified in knowing that I could still get around just fine and figured that was all I needed.
But I was partially fooling myself. Well yeah, I was getting around fine, but I never had the energy I wanted and was always looking for a place to sit down. Finding clothes that fit properly and are at least somewhat flattering has always been a struggle. On a trip to a theme park, I found I wasn't able to fit on some of the older rides (and that was after I'd already lost 75 pounds, I can't even imagine how much worse that day would have been at my highest weight)! I nearly passed out once while driving down the road, most likely because I so out of shape.
I've had to learn to love myself after years of anger, resentment, and low self-esteem. I've dealt with being repeatedly sexually molested as a child, combined with emotional eating and using my fat as a cloak of invisibility towards men. While I hated being fat, it gave me a sense of security, and it eventually became a sense of security for my ex as well. He didn't want me to lose weight, as he was afraid I'd get confident to attract someone else's attention that was actually good for me (heh, guess he was right). I still struggle with that all that in my head at times, but I'm making my will to be healthy stronger. Getting hit on is still scary, but the social awkwardness is easier to deal with now than when I was younger (plus it doesn't hurt to have a ring to flash at guys giving me unwanted attention, lol).
I can wish that my life was better in the past, but that doesn't do me much good. What I can do is take steps today to ensure that I have a healthier, happier future. I don't want to spend the rest of my life sitting on the sidelines because I'm too tired to participate in all the fun stuff.