[rainydays]

Grrr, I have so much studying/homework to do tonight and basically every night these next few weeks. I have my youngest's first birthday party Saturday. I have a wooden swing set my husband and I are trying to put together (but it keeps raining!) from our twins' (6) birthday. I have work meetings this week and next. I have observations to set up for my major. I have a whole house to clean (nothing new for any of us of course, but my new dog, who we rescued from a shelter, is having potty issues). I have lots of work/school "things" that just need to get done over the next few weeks. I've been having major panic attacks (completely crippling, lasting from 45 mins to 4 hours) for over a month now...I hate to talk about it but it's because the twins' biological father (my husband has been raising them since they were babies, he is their DAD) is getting out of prison in four days, and he's violent and has threatened to kill my husband and kidnap my kids. (He previously robbed my dad's house and set it on fire, and broke into and robbed my mom's house and my grandparents' house, along with many other things that if I go into, I'll just set myself up for a panic attack right now). Yes, there is a no-contact order. Yes, I got a dog for companionship and protection. Yes, we installed a security system and surveillance cameras. Yes, I'm taking medications and undergoing therapy for the anxiety. It's helping some. When I exercise more, that helps too. But right now, I'm struggling with not eating the entire contents of my kitchen. Just needed to rant for a minute, thanks for listening.

[freelancemomma]

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Have you ever considered moving to a different part of your state or country? I know it sounds drastic, but a complete change of scene, not to mention extra distance from your unstable ex, might be helpful for your whole family. Just a thought...

F.

[rainydays]

We moved about 3 hours away to a larger town before he was sent to prison, because he was stalking us, having us watched and followed...and it was the best thing to do at the time. We stayed away for a little over a year, and as soon as he was in prison, we moved back. He's not even originally from here, but I am, and so is my husband. Our families are around here, our friends, we're in school and working, and it would hurt our kids to take them away from the support system of the extended family. It wouldn't matter to him where we were though, if he's determined to find us, he will. He tried sending a Christmas card (a violation of the no-contact order that we went to the police about, but thus far, nothing has been done) so I know he intends to come here. Honestly, I hope he tries to locate us as soon as he gets out of prison (the prison he's in is about 2 hours from here), just so I can call the police and have him thrown back in jail for violating parole and the no-contact order. I just hope nothing traumatic happens in that instance. It's a highly stressful situation. All of the everyday "stuff" (work, school, family/home) is just compounded by the fact that this is going on.

[Arctic Mama]

I know it is tactless but I have to ask - what did you ever see in him?!

I'd be struggling with eating the kitchen, too, with that much stress! I'm sorry you're going through this

[rainydays]

Young and dumb, thought I could change him, he was very manipulative and smooth talking. I don't regret it for a second though, as I wouldn't have my twins.

ETA: He obviously acted like a different person in the beginning. Once we separated is when he really got bad.

[Arctic Mama]

Yup, life is too short for regrets. It is unfortunate he is so rotten, though! Your stress is definitely justifiable and I thin you're handling it smashingly well if you haven't gone nuts or caved yet. Just take it one choice at a time and keep moving forward, hopefully the situation will resolve itself without any further craziness you have to deal with.

[rainydays]

Thanks, appreciate the support!

[twinieten]

Rainydays! Holy smokes!

The fact that you still have a kitchen to worry about is amazing. I'd have eaten it last week. The whole thing!

Hold it together! You can do it! And delegate! And breathe. Don't forget to breathe.

[rainydays]

Originally Posted by twinieten

Rainydays! Holy smokes!

The fact that you still have a kitchen to worry about is amazing. I'd have eaten it last week. The whole thing!

Hold it together! You can do it! And delegate! And breathe. Don't forget to breathe.

Thanks for making me laugh twinieten

I'm wading through, and I'm lucky my husband is the helpful sort. I went from one extreme to the other in terms of men, and have never made a better decision in my life. For that, I am truly grateful.

And, I ate close to maintenance calories yesterday, but I'm close to maintenance, so....

[philana]

rainydays: I think you are just amazing! After your troubling past and with having kids you are still in school to learn stuff for yourself?! And you are involved in taking care of your body and weight. You sound incredibly strong and I am pretty sure you will get through this.

It's horrid when so many things are on your plate at the same time, especially when those things on their own would be enough to deal with. I'm stressing out over my studies while I moved back in with my parents during graduating and have no responsibilities except for my part-time job whatsoever. To add a relationship, kids, job, household and a scary disturbed ex to the mix would completely overwhelm me.

Goodluck! And keep us posted if you like.

[rainydays]

philana, thank you for your kind words. It does get overwhelming, but I absolutely love everything about my life except for the crazy ex. My husband and children mean the world to me; I've always loved being a student, so school, though at times tough with a family and job, is great; I like my job, etc. It's just that with the super stressful event of the ex getting out of prison coming up, all the regular things in life seem extra taxing at times. I'm very lucky for the good things in my life, and I try to have a positive attitude most of the time. The frustrating thing is as soon as I got to a healthy BMI, and got to be the healthiest I've ever been in my life (I'm 28), my body sort of "betrayed" me by having the panic attacks. Does that make sense?
Yesterday I was really feeling it, but today has been better. I feel I did pretty well on my test today, and now I'm getting ready to get the house in order for tomorrow's birthday party while my wonderful husband is out in the dark, working on the swing set. <3

[Justwant2Bhealthy]

Rainydays! Holy smokes! The fact that you still have a kitchen to worry about is amazing. I'd have eaten it last week. The whole thing! Hold it together! You can do it! And delegate! And breathe. Don't forget to breathe.

Ha ... she made me laugh too! And laughter can heal so much. Boy, your Dh is a good guy out there in the dark putting up that swing set all by his lonesome. I cringed when I read your troubles -- you are stronger than you think! Heck, what's a little anxiety between friends?

There are times when I think that they should just throw away the key, ya know? But since they didn't, I have sent up some ^prayers^ for you and your family for some protection over the next while ...

[gardend1va]

One thing at a time, one step at a time. I find that when I have a lot to do, the freak outs come when I look at everything all at once that needs to get done and I get overwhelmed.

However, the added component of the ex entering the picture again is understandably stressful. It sounds like you have done everything you can to protect yourself and prepare, so that should bring some comfort. Maybe he has cooled off after all this time, who knows? I pray that is the case.

Sorry I don't have much constructive or useful advice, I just wanted to acknowledge your feelings and give you some support for what must feel like a pretty horrendous time.

[rainydays]

Originally Posted by Justwant2Bhealthy

Ha ... she made me laugh too! And laughter can heal so much. Boy, your Dh is a good guy out there in the dark putting up that swing set all by his lonesome. I cringed when I read your troubles -- you are stronger than you think! Heck, what's a little anxiety between friends?

There are times when I think that they should just throw away the key, ya know? But since they didn't, I have sent up some ^prayers^ for you and your family for some protection over the next while ...

Much appreciated!

[rainydays]

Originally Posted by gardendiva

One thing at a time, one step at a time. I find that when I have a lot to do, the freak outs come when I look at everything all at once that needs to get done and I get overwhelmed.

However, the added component of the ex entering the picture again is understandably stressful. It sounds like you have done everything you can to protect yourself and prepare, so that should bring some comfort. Maybe he has cooled off after all this time, who knows? I pray that is the case.

Sorry I don't have much constructive or useful advice, I just wanted to acknowledge your feelings and give you some support for what must feel like a pretty horrendous time.

Thanks so much for the support.