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is self-esteem possible???

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Old 03-17-2003, 08:56 AM   #1
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Default is self-esteem possible???

How do I stop comparing myself to others as far as weight/looks?? I am getting very frustrated even though I am losing 1 pound a week (some weeks, I stay the same)-I realize I am building muscle, and that weighs more and takes up less space, but I can't stop comparting myself to others and their weight loss.

How do I feel better about myself NOW-right NOW, what are some steps I can take?? I look in my closet at clothes that are getting big (finally) but I keep thinking how excited I was in the fall and how I thought I would be much smaller "when spring got here." I had some "smaller pants" that I Just knew I would fit into as soon as I lost 15 pounds, but no...now when I attempt to fit into them, I realize I probably have 20 more pounds to go before I can-How do you all deal with that??

I need tips on improving my self-esteem and to stop comparing myself to others. I wish the way a person looks didn't have so much bearing in our culture.

Thanks
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Old 03-17-2003, 01:03 PM   #2
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hi hottie! i struggle with self-esteem issues myself, so i certainly understand what you mean. i am better at dealing with this some times than at others. i have to use little tricks which sometimes help me, such as: doing some visualization where i see myself as looking confident , self-assured, and thin, etc. ; also, i remind myself how far i have come and that i have a lot to be proud of. i make written lists of some of my accomplishments and assets, which also helps me to put things back in perspective. i know some of these things sound kind of dorky, but i figure whatever works is fine with me. well, i hope you have a good day. take care.
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Old 03-17-2003, 01:22 PM   #3
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This post keeps nagging at me. I look at the question "Is self esteem possible?" and I just want to jump up and down and scream "YES!!!" But .. I don't suppose the people here at work would understand.

I have struggled with self esteem for a very long time. And it took me a long time to get to the point where I truly respect myself, truly like who I am, and am able to be proud of me, my looks, my personality. I can accept who I am now... I have left the loathing and hatred and embarrasment behind. It doesn't mean I don't need to change some things about me, but just because I need to work on a few things doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love or respect. Is there a human alive who doesn't need to work on things?

My growing esteem of self began when I finally got tired of being my own punching bag, I think. I realized that a lot of the things which had torn me down had been initiated by other people. I hadn't done anything to deserve the treatment I received. I was a child. Those people were supposed to *protect* me. Instead, they took out their anger, their fears, their insecurities on me. That is all old business though. I have forgiven who I need to forgive, and I've moved on. I'm an adult now, I can choose who I associate with, and beyond that, I can choose how to feel. Most of the time I give myself a great big kick in the butt when I find myself sliding into that self esteem black hole. It happens less and less as I get older. I've become much more comfortable with who I am, and the more people I get to know, the happier I am the way I am!!

One of the biggest things I can do to kick myself out of that is ask myself "If my daughter were feeling this way, what would I say to her?" Usually the best and most practical things we would say to those we love, we ignore ourselves.
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Old 03-18-2003, 01:14 PM   #4
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Thanks RavenToy and wsw! Maybe if I had chosen a different title, more people would have looked at the topic, but thanks for your input! I appreciate the tips you've shared with me-I'll try those. I need to feel good about myself-I think you need to feel good about yourself while you are getting healthy, not just when you finally get there. My biggest obstacle is comparing myself to others: I will just have to focus on myself-trying different ways to do that to see what works best... Thanks for your posts-I apprecaite them!
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Old 03-18-2003, 01:27 PM   #5
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Hey hottie ..

I had made a journal entry regarding self love not too long ago. You might want to read that for more of my struggle with the self love concept.

And it is a struggle sometimes. I journaled this, too... but just as a case in point to that knee-jerk low self esteem response - I was doing my pilates routine for the second time this morning, and I felt horrible. I was frustrated and angry with myself for allowing myself to be in the shape I'm in. My son, who is 10, came in and was watching me. As soon as I realized he was there I immediately said, without thinking "Ian, go away." He walked back to his bedroom with his head down, and I felt terrible. I paused the DVD and went and had a talk with him. I apologised for sending him away. I asked him to come watch. I told him the reason I'd done that was because I was embarrassed and ashamed at how bad of shape my body was in. I realized I'd been isolating myself like that my whole life. Pushing people away because getting too close was embarrassing, I was ashamed.

And through talking to my son, I realized I have NOTHING to be ashamed of. What am I doing, after all? I'm the one out there running, walking, lifting, and doing pilates. I'm the one learning to watch my food, and paying attention to my life. I have EVERYTHING to be proud of. And so does my son. And he's joining me tomorrow when I work out.

In accepting myself, in respecting and loving myself, I am teaching my son and my daughter to do the same with themselves. Like I said in my journal, we spend our whole lives supporting and loving everyone else, it's time we loved ourselves.
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Old 03-18-2003, 01:56 PM   #6
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Hi Raven Toy:
I posted one reply, but I guess it didn't make it..I wanted to say thanks again. You have given me the right idea: to focus on what I am doing to IMPROVE myself and as long as we are improving, we are moving forward! I will try writing down those things (everything I can think of) that is bringing me closer to my "improved self"....thank you so much for sharing your story and your journal on the boards! I'll be reading it.
I am going on vacation in a few days-will be gone for a week, so I will have time to "sit with my thoughts" to focus on all the "improving" I want to personally do. THANK YOU~
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Old 03-18-2003, 02:18 PM   #7
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Have a great vacation!! I wish I were going on one!
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Old 03-18-2003, 05:24 PM   #8
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have a pleasant vacation, hottie! remember- you do deserve to be treated well, and not just by others, also by you! take good care of yourself.

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