Why do people think they can be so self-righteous? Even if they think they are doing you a favor, they shouldn't bother. It is bad enough when family members do it, but when a stranger does it? Wow.
I have had embarrassing things like this happen before. I remember some woman asking me if I had my thyroid checked because that might be my problem!
A few months ago when my weight loss was still in the early stages, I was leaving the cafeteria at work, and some guy confronted me and said big people like us couldnt fit into the chairs and that I should complain so the voices of big people could be heard. . Whoa buddy, don't ya know you shouldn't confront a woman and tell her she's so big she can't fit into a chair!
I'm even too conscious to bring up weight matters with my friends that do need to lose weight, let alone strangers. That woman is just straight up rude! I can't believe people do that, sorry for your experience Did you say anything to her? If someone did that to me, I don't think I would be able to hold my tongue.
The same thing happened to me. This woman I work with lost a ton of weight on WW a couple of years ago (more than 100 pounds). She sent me an email inviting me to the meetings and telling me I can lose weight with WWs. The problem is this was totally unsolicited. And while I know she meant well, it kind of destroyed me that day.
I must say that the biggest offenders are former obese people that now believe they've found "the answer." Meanwhile, this woman gained more than 1/2 of her weight back. I'm not hating, but even when we meet our weight loss goal, we should remember how we feel right now. Don't give unsolicited advice period.
Sadly, the only place I've found that people question my weight is here on these forums...and it's only begun happening since I changed my goal weight to s weight that is higher than is apparently "acceptable."
Really?? I confess I'm shocked to hear that. I'm just trying to get back down to 150, and we're the same height. Ideally, sure, I'd like to weight less than that, but I'm small-boned and my sister looks great at 120. But I've been 150 before and I felt great and was healthy, according to my doctors, so I, for one, fully support your goal of 140.
There are definitely a few people around here who don't get the concept of 'supportive', but I hope they don't drive you away from the site. There's plenty of great support to be had. The 100 lb forum is a great, supportive place, especially, and if you don't have quite that much to lose we will let you hang out there anyway.
Unsolicited comments about your weight are never ok. It happened to me once when some woman came up to me in the post office and started blathering on about how well I could do on her plan (some liquid only diet). At the time I'd just split from my fiance and really wasn't in the mood and told her so. Amazingly she did it again a couple of weeks later at which point I told her that "I may be fat, but I can lose weight, you'll always be an ignorant cow" - I think someone else mentioned this phrase earlier in the thread and I love it as it can be adapted to many things and I've used it a lot over the years.
Weight is a very touchy subject so for that reason it's usually best not to mention it. Period. Especially with a total stranger. But this woman probably saw somebody that was in the same boat that she was once in and thought that she would help her. While her approach wasn't the best her intentions were probably good.
On a side note, I remember when I first started to lose weight and I looked back at some of my old fat pictures I was shocked at how big I actually was. I scolded my family and friends and told them that if they really cared about me they would've let me know how fat I really was. But that's just me.
Thats horrible, but on a positive note WHEN you lose the weight and if you ever see her again you can say " I did this without your stupid diet." I agree with some poster's that she probably was selling stuff, which in the end is a stupid gimmick anyways and a horrible sales person!
Location: Smack dab in the middle, Newfoundland, Canada
Posts: 668
S/C/G: 203.4/170.4/140.0
Height: 5'0"
Quote:
Originally Posted by thistoo
Really?? I confess I'm shocked to hear that. I'm just trying to get back down to 150, and we're the same height. Ideally, sure, I'd like to weight less than that, but I'm small-boned and my sister looks great at 120. But I've been 150 before and I felt great and was healthy, according to my doctors, so I, for one, fully support your goal of 140.
There are definitely a few people around here who don't get the concept of 'supportive', but I hope they don't drive you away from the site. There's plenty of great support to be had. The 100 lb forum is a great, supportive place, especially, and if you don't have quite that much to lose we will let you hang out there anyway.
Like I say, it hasn't happened THAT often...but the fact that it happened at all (HERE, of all places) really bothers me. Yes, the vast majority of people have been supportive, and I guess that's what I should focus on, but it's not just the small number of not-so-supportive comments I've gotten, but the way they were worded, too. Like: "Have you ever considered trying to get into the healthy weight range?" and "If you're 5 feet and 140 pounds, aren't you still overweight?" And frankly, comments that are worded like those just make me wish that there was some kind of peripheral computer hardware that would allow me to reach through the screen and punch people.
I just feel like I shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone. My weight is *my* business, and yes, while I don't have any problem talking to people here about it, if I don't specifically solicit advice on what weight I should be (and, um, why would I seek that kind of advice from perfect strangers when I've been working with my doctor all along?!) then I feel like people should keep their *unsolicited* advice to themselves. If I ask advice on what kind of weight training would best tone my arms, for example, I don't need anyone asking me if I think my goal weight is low enough. Know what I mean?
*sigh* It just really blows my mind how ridiculous some people can be.
Sadly, the only place I've found that people question my weight is here on these forums...and it's only begun happening since I changed my goal weight to s weight that is higher than is apparently "acceptable." It hasn't happened often, but it's happened often enough to make me question whether this is a place I should be. And it really bothers me, because don't people always say things like "oh, the number on the scale isn't a true indicator of success!" and all that crap? But apparently that's just lip service and when it comes right down to it, if you choose a goal weight that's beyond what the BMI scale says you should be, you get questioned and it's like you have to defend your decision about your OWN body.
It just really ticks me off that links to sites like "My Body Gallery" are posted here as a way to show that, y'know, weight looks different on different people, and people get told all the time that the number on the scale isn't as important as how you *feel*, but then crap like this happens and it's like...what the ****?
I don't know. I'm just feeling really bothered by it.
Snoofie, there are over 140 thousand members of 3FC and 140 thousand opinions. The overwhelming majority of people on these forums are supportive and understanding, but there are a few that are misguided , I would even say stupid. Ignore them you know what is right.
Congratulations on losing over 60 pounds !
one lady told me something - it didnt really make me upset but rather surprised how people can say things like that in public in front of everybody.
I used to be a cashier and we had pretty busy day. One old lady (in her 80s) was next. So i started ringing her up and she said "oh! I remember you. I was at your Bridal Shower (8 years ago). I see you put some weight!" So rude, isnt it?
She was rude and her behavior was weird. I don't think her intentions were bad, I don't think she realized she was making you feel uncomfortable, but that's her problem, not yours. You shouldn't allow people to make you feel bad about yourself. And if she was selling the thing, all I can say is her business strategy is highly inappropriate and she won't be making sales anytime soon.
Baffling. What the heck must be going through somebody's mind to make that an okay thing to do? She must've been raised by wolves. Perhaps the answer is to pat her on her head sympathetically, and pity her for being such a social moron. Sorry you had to be exposed to someone like that!
. Whoa buddy, don't ya know you shouldn't confront a woman and tell her she's so big she can't fit into a chair!
Did you say anything to her? If someone did that to me, I don't think I would be able to hold my tongue.
I did this without your stupid diet." 
