In need of advice!
Hey guys, glad to be a part of this board! I am 28 years old and I have lost 70lbs one and a half years ago. I surpassed my goal weight, something I didn't think was possible, and felt fit and beautiful.
Then, some bad things happened to me and my family, and I stopped eating. That turned into restricted eating, cause I was losing weight so quickly (still running at that time) and I loved seeing the number getting lower and lower every time I stepped on the scale. I became addicted to calories and the scale. Some days I would only allow myself 500 calories. Then that number became too high for me and I only ate 300. I had a BMI of a scary 19. Then, about 3 months later, the binging started. I couldn't stop eating. Especially high calorie foods I didn't eat for the past 2 years like bread, cookies, chocolate, cereal, anything high in sugar and fat. I would fast for a couple of days but the cravings for sweets were stronger. I gained weight so fast (stopped running and working out cause my body was too swollen to move) that in only 6 months I gained 29 pounds back. At least I wasn't skin and bones anymore... Looking at pictures from my "skinny" days frightens me. To think that I was actually finding myself attractive like that... I'd rather look fit and healthy now and would do anything to look like the person again that I was before the starving and binging.
I am happy to say, that now, since the beginning of the year, my urges to binge and restrict have gone completely, I love working out again, and eat very healthy foods. I don't crave sweet and sugary foods at all anymore.
I have been running 5 days a week again, 6-7 miles each time. I lift weights every day, 20-30min. I love being so fit and active and I love to feel my body move. It makes me feel alive. I run with a smile on my face, greeting everyone I see along the way. I eat healthy, breakfast is usually oatmeal with dried fruits, agave nectar for sweetness and skim milk. Lunch is a fruit salad with different kinds of fruit each day. Snacks are carrots and high protein yogurt. And then for dinner I like to eat veggies with quinoa or also love to make casseroles, salads, ... I don't eat a lot of meat or fish (maybe twice a week) but I make sure I eat enough protein. My calorie intake is an average of 1800 calories a day, (took me a while to get to this, it was so scary at first but I am so very proud of myself that I eat this many now) and I burn about 900 calories from working out.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, cause I have been living healthy (at least its my idea of healthy?) like this for the past months and my weight has stayed more or less the same. Am I eating too much, too little? I do see small changes like my pants fitting better, but I have a lot of or cellulite on my legs and arms that I didn't have before I had my eating disorder. Will that go away eventually? Spring's just around the corner and I feel like hiding my arms and legs.. I want to feel confident wearing sexy skirts and tops again.
I do love myself, don't get me wrong. My life at the moment couldn't be any better, in fact. I just want to hug and hold the "old me" and beg her for forgiveness. What I did to this poor body is mean and cruel. If only I could undo all the damages...I am glad I stopped it before it got way too much out of hand.
Any input at all would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
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