So, this is not the first time I have tried to lose weight. Of course like many I get on the horse and fall off very easily. This time I am not giving up until I have reached my goals!!! One of the reasons I fall off easily is because of the lack of support I get from my husband. He has never struggled with his weight and is always wanting junk in the house, going out to eat and eating VERY unhealthy things. Recently he is eating junk food and candy in front of me, ordering out deliciously unhealthy meals and not even knowing what he's doing until I point it out to him. I really don't think he cares and if anything he gets mad at me when I start eating healthier because he doesn't get to have the foods he wants in the house because I do all the shopping. I really don't think he knows how hard this is for me and how serious I am about this. Please help with suggestions to help me with the total lack of support I have at home! Thanks! - Jess

You are on a diet and say he prevents you from having what you want. Well, if he's not also on a diet, the flip side is that you are preventing HIM from what HE wants to eat.

Where's the happy medium? So everyone can get what they want without hampering the other?

It's not like he eats candy in front of you and goes "All for me! None for you! Neener neener!" does he? Like actual sabotage?

And what is "support" to you? List it out. Does that mean doing his own cooking/shopping? Something else?

Over there I buy things I hate but DH likes for his chips and whatever. Then I'm not tempted or interested and they all go in a basket on top of the fridge. He's a tall guy so it is handy to him, but it's mostly out of sight/mind for me.

Eating out? I'm prediabetic and I pretty much know "my order" at the restaurants we go to. So I just order my order.

A.

My husband has always been and will probably always be FIT. That being said, I have struggled.

First and foremost, you absolutely MUST kick yourself in the butt and realize what goes in YOUR mouth is YOUR decision. He isn't force feeding you at gunpoint. What I suggest is to move all of your trigger foods that he indulges in, into a locked cabinet and give HIM the key. Secondly, tell him you are desperate for his support and to not bring things into the house that cannot be housed in the locked cabinet. If he leaves things out, the garbage disposal does wonders. Sadly, the trash can never prevented me from doing anything.

Set yourself for success. Load the house with the healthy things you CAN enjoy. Honestly, for a while my hubby and I were eating the same foods but I made his differently. I would make sweet potatoes but load his with butter and brown sugar. I would make eggs and toast but make mine just with egg whites and put butter on HIS toast, not mine. Some things I knew (at least for a while) were out of the question for me to have a bite or two of--it just triggered me TOO much. In fact, many things are still triggers for me. If my family went for donuts I told them to NOT bring me anything. When we went through fast food I would just say "no thanks" and pull something out of my purse I had packed. (That was a BIGGY for me)

It sounds as if you are resolute in your decision to make this happen. Don't say ANYONE else is your obstacle. Absolutely the only obstacle you can have is yourself--especially when it comes to losing the weight!

He is definitely not sabotaging me, but definitely isn't thoughtful or mindful of what I am trying to do. Definitely not going "neener neener", haha. But when he is eating things that are unhealthy he is always offering me some repeatedly!!! And I continually tell him NO! I want him to be supportive and encouraging what I am doing and not just complaining about it all the time. I am not saying he has to eat my healthy snacks and food all day, but don't get mad at me when I am wanting to cook a healthy meal when he wants McDonalds.

I have loaded the house with healthy things and I can tell this makes my husband dissapointed. I feel bad, but he CAN go to the store and buy himself whatever he wants (but I don't think he knows where to find anything in the grocery store, haha). I think I always end up giving in to unhealthy snacking and eating habits because I feel bad that he is not getting all the junk food he wants. It is hard to find a middle ground, but we definitely have compromised. But I do know what I put in my body is my responsibility, that is a healthy way to keep myself accountable, thanks.

Its just emotional for me right now. I wish I could just eat delicious fatty food, but I am not one of the lucky ones who can eat anything they want and not gain a pound. I really appreciate the words of encouragement and support.

This is something I need to keep thinking about and I know it will get easier over time, but at this very moment, its very emotional and difficult. I want him to be happy and I want to be happy too.

Thanks!
-Jess

Is he one of those people that shows love via food offerings? Or wants an eating buddy?

A

Unless you have some serious issues with junk food, I think it's a bit unfair to force your husband along on your diet. Just do your thing and maybe he'll join you eventually or maybe he won't.

All you're going to do is annoy him if you keep badgering him about how unhealthy his meals are.

He does show love via food offering & likes an eating buddy too!!! I do feel like I'm dragging him along & I feel bad about it, like I'm punishing him or something. But I do all the cooking in the house & I do buy him his stuff but I tell him to take it to work so I'm not tempted. I hope I'm not annoying him, but I guess if he's not ready to eat healthy then I have to leave it be. I'm pretty quiet about how I feel about it because I don't want to hound him, but he does get irritated w me often when I'm trying to eat healthy.

Well, keep your own nose clean. (ex don't hound)

Then let him worry about keeping his own nose clean and let him hold his own baggage. It's just not reasonable to get mad at YOU because you want to eat on plan to meet your goal.

If he likes to food share, and you miss this... maybe work it into your plan. Like a treat on saturdays, and make it a small thing together. Take a walk to go get a hot cocoa or ice cream or whatever. He can have the big ol sundae deluxe version if he wants while you get whatever is reasonable for you.

Then the rest of the time you can just go "Sounds great! Put it as a maybe for Saturday treat. Yay! I'm so looking forward to our date!"

Sometimes a happy marriage is worth bending a little, you know?

But it doesn't need to overtake your whole plan the rest of the time.

A.

I don't know how much you've talked to him about how much it means to you and how badly you want to lose weight... but I dunno..maybe he likes you with the little extra weight or thinks you look fine now so doesn't take it so seriously?

Men are soo annoying! Last night my husband and I were watching tv and he decides to snake on some chips (thats fine I bought them for him) but then he says "man these are so good" and I just sat there thinging did you really just say that to me? I guess it all just comes down to will power, cause trust me I reaally wanted to try those chips

He is sabotaging you.He may not be aware of it, but that is exactly what it is. Men get worried that when you lose weight that you might look good to someone else. Reassure him that you are doing this for reasons of better health and you are not going to leave him when you reach goal.