Originally Posted by deblosingit
I think that you need to get to the place where you want this more than anything else, where you hate the fat so much that you reach your "tipping point" and decide that no matter what you are going to change.
I think this is one of the biggest, most destructive myths of weight loss.
I believed it most of my life, and it didn't help me lose weight - because every time I wasn't perfect - I had people, including my own inner voice, telling me that if I was making so many mistakes - it had to be, because I "just wasn't ready," or "just didn't want this badly enough," or "just didn't hate the fat enough."
I can tell you it's absolute BULLCRAP.
I never wanted weight loss as badly, never hated fat more, and never was more motivated, never was more willing to put absolutely everything I had into weight loss - than when I was in my 20's.
My mistake rate wasn't the problem. The problem was in my belief that tons of mistakes MEANT ANYTHING (especially that I wasn't motivated or ready).
The only thing mistakes and lack of follow-through prove is that change is difficult. Old habits are hard to break, and new habits are hard to acquire.
That's it. You don't have to be mistake-free. You can make TONS and TONS and TONS of mistakes. As long as you keep picking yourself up - and are doing better (even if very, barely, hardly measureably better).
I failed so many times, because I kept giving up (because everyone was telling me I must not be ready). I kept waiting to be ready.
My current weight loss is the sorriest excuse of effort I have ever put in. I still make tons of mistakes. I still don't follow through on half of what I intend to (and when I started, I didnt' follow through on one tenth of what I intended to).
I don't hate fat. In fact, hating fat got me into a bigger mess than loving ME at any size. I don't really care if I lose weight at all. When I started, I wasn't concerned with weight loss at all - I was concerned with getting some functionality back in my life by improving my health - even if I couldn't lose an ounce.
I failed more than I succeeded for the first four years. Heck, until THIS year, I failed more than I succeeded. I just (when I hit the 100 lb mark) tipped the "break even point" of following through more than half the time.
By most people's definition of success, I have "failed off" 101 lbs.
Don't be discouraged by mistakes - even if you make more mistakes than successes. Strive to do better than you did last week - or yesterday. Recognize the success of "better" even when it's "hardly better."
Only you can decide whether you're getting any benefit from the professional attention.
For me, it doesn't work - because I know more than most of the professionals. I've been studying weight loss since I was 5 years old, and physiology and psychology textbooks and research since high school.
But what I have always found helpful was the support group (and for me, it has to be in-person, with a weigh-in). Groups that worked were Weight Watchers, TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly), OA, Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating and Nutrisystem (but not because of the food being provided - but because when I joined, you saw a counselor and weighed in every week).
The money I spent didn't matter. The weekly support (and ideally an actual meeting), was my key - so I chose the cheapest (TOPS).
One of my incentive for weight loss in TOPS is to "break even," making my membership free. I didn't succeed my first year, but I came very close. If I had lost nothing, I would have spent about $90 for the entire year (less than $8 per month). Because I earned free monthly dues with weight loss, and won some of the contests, my membership was almost free.
The group helps me see what "normal" weight loss really looks like. And my our culture's standards - success looks like failure - and that's the real problem with weight loss. We tell suceeding people that they're failing, because they're not succeeding fast enough or well enough.
Just THINKING about changes is the first step of change - you're already on the success track - not the failure track.
Weight loss research has found that weight loss groups have a higher success rate, on average, than on-your-own programs. And in fact a recent study found that they all have very similar success rates - when the person stays in the program for at least a year.
My TOPS group has won awards for fewest gains, and for weight loss in the state, so it's not a group of slackers who "aren't ready" for weight loss - and the average weight loss is less than 1/2 pound per week.
Out of nearly 30 members it's extremely rare for more than 2 or 3 to go a month without a gain. The only reason I know this, is that every month there is a $10 prize that's split among all the members who didn't have a gain that month - and rarely do more than 2 people split the prize. Often no one wins the prize and the money is rolled over until the following month.
I've never won that prize even once in the year-and-a-half I've been a member (darned time-of-month).
It's taken me 7 years to lose 101 lbs - and I'm still beating "most people."
So don't worry about whether you're "ready" - because if you wait until you're ready, you'll never change - because almost no one is ready for change.
Just start making the changes, and start giving yourself credit and rewards for those changes.
If you can set up an incentive that revs your motivation - go for it.
My husband and I joined an incentive program at our gym in which we earned a hooded sweatshirt for attending at least 12 days during October.
Earning that "free" sweatshirt was one of my proudest accomplishments in my life.
You can do this - and you can even do it if you make tons of mistakes. I've eaten more, and exercised less in this current weight loss attempt than I ever have in the past. I've had more slips and mishaps, and I still succeeded - just by virtue of not giving up.
Don't try to be perfect, just reward yourself for doing better. If one 30 minute workout is more than the zero you had last week - then pat yourself on the back and throw yourself a five minute party - and then aim to do more.
If next week you only do one 31 minute workout or even two 20 minute workouts - praise yourself for the progress and work at doing more.
Often with weight loss, and exercise - we don't look at what we've accomplished, we only look at how we failed. We don't give ourselves credit for improving - because we fell short of our goal (even if we missed the goal by a hair's breadth).
You can do this - even if you can't do it well. Don't worry about doing it well, just work at doing it - and measure your progress so that you can SEE IT. It's very easy to forget where you started. If you beat last month's "record" for weight loss or exercise - you've made progress. And if you keep making progress (even if it's barely measureable) you'll keep having success. And slow success is still success. I haven't "failed off" 101 lbs, I've just succeeded at a much slower pace than I ever accomplished before. And all those times I quit because someone told me I wasn't ready - I wasn't failing then either- even though I thought I was. That's what makes me so mad now - I didn't quit because I WAS failing, I quit because I THOUGHT I was failing (heck everyone told me I was).
You're not failing either, so reward the success (even if it's just the success of facing up to the people you've asked to help you). You deserve credit for that. Now try to do just a teeny bit better - and know that what you're doing deserves pride, not shame (do you know how many people pay for personal help and never go to the second appointment because they're too ashamed - you've already "succeeded" more than those folks have).