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Thanks for the vote of confidence mom

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Old 12-01-2011, 04:59 PM   #1
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Angry Thanks for the vote of confidence mom

I will try to keep this short.

My mom and I were out shopping for x-mas, I was telling her about this jacket that I wanted and she asked me to show her. In a random turn of events she told me she would buy me the jacket and asked what size I needed. I told her the small fit perfectly, I felt good because this was the first small I have bought in a long time! Instead, she laughs and says "No, lets try to large on" ..........UH, why? Her reason was that when I gain the weight back I wont have to buy another jacket. WHAT?!! WHEN I gain it back. Thanks for the vote of confidence mom. She goes on to tell me that she did this when she was my age and got super fit but then wanted fries one day and instead of it only being on day of fries it was a whole year. She said it was basically inevitable and I will gain the weight back because its who I am.

WHAT?!?! Its who I am? I do understand that maintaining will be another challenge all together and its not uncommon to re-gain weight. It could happen, I know that. Is it so wrong to just want one freaking person to have confidence that I will be able to keep it off?

This is the same women that laughed at me when I said I was thinking about being a personal trainer and taking a nutrition course because it genuinely interested me. She told me that fat people didn't make good personal trainers.
Ugh, I just wish she could even just pretend to believe in me.
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Old 12-01-2011, 05:03 PM   #2
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Oh My Goodness, that's terrible! More determination to prove her wrong and stay healthy!
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Old 12-01-2011, 05:20 PM   #3
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thats horrible!!

Firstly, congrats on the weight loss!! Way to go
Secondly, if you've developed an interest in nutrition and fitness, absolutely look into taking classes/courses!!
What better way to ensure that you stay on the healthy train than making it your lifestyle?
And just my opinion, I'd be a lot more inclined to see a personal trianer that has been through the struggles I'm going through now.
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Old 12-01-2011, 05:49 PM   #4
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Buy the small! I went and bought new winter coats because last year's XLs were way too big. I bought one M and one 8. And, came home and took the XLs to th consignment store! I refuse to live thinking "when" I gain the weight back. Not an option! I'm sorry she made you feel bad.
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Old 12-01-2011, 05:49 PM   #5
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Yeah, my mother said something similar when I told her I gave all my fat clothes to charity. It really didn't bother me so much, though, because I figure that my track record isn't too great (having regained many times in the past). This time around, I'm putting such comments in the same "ignore" column of my brain that I put all the negative statistics about how many people regain. I keep telling myself that just because it happened in the past and just because it is common to regain doesn't mean that it is inevitable that I will regain.

Congratulations on your weight loss, and just remember: The best way to prove her wrong is by keeping the weight off!
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Old 12-01-2011, 05:52 PM   #6
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First of all, CONGRATS on your 40 lb. loss. That is fantastic!!

Just remember your signature:

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission

I second the thought that I'd love a personal trainer who had lost weight rather than been thin and fit their whole lives.
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Old 12-01-2011, 05:54 PM   #7
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SOOO SORRY......

This has to do with her issues and not you. Your 3FC family is proud of you. I know you'll kick butt as a personal trainer...oops...I meant kick fat!
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Old 12-01-2011, 07:16 PM   #8
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I agree with the person above who said that I'd prefer to go to a personal trainer who had been through the process of losing weight. So you have at least two people to prove your mother wrong

My mother is often negative, too. I think it's very common for mothers to be critical of their daughters, either out of jealousy or just thinking they know better. Just try to remember that your mother doesn't know you as well as YOU know yourself. And as the saying goes, "the best revenge is living well." After a couple of years when you're still fit and wearing small size jackets, I bet her comments will stop.

Personally, I just have had to tell my mother that my weight is off the table as a topic of conversation, period. I still know she's thinking critical thoughts, but at least I don't have to hear them.
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Old 12-01-2011, 07:20 PM   #9
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Aww, that's terrible, I'm sorry she made those comments. You've lost a lot of weight and you should be very proud! It's not at all inevitable that you'll gain in back! I'm sure you can maintain if you just stay committed. By the way, I agree with others who said they would like to have a personal trainer who had been overweight in the past. I would be MUCH more comfortable working with a trainer who could understand what I'm going through!
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Old 12-01-2011, 08:24 PM   #10
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I have a friend that tells me the same thing. I will regain my weight. They are both talking from their own limited perspective, and it gets very annoying after awhile.

My friend tells me to stop being silly and drop the dieting. I tell her in return that if she joins a weight loss forum and counts her calories that she can lose her 100 pounds and keep it off. But she comes up with excuses why she can't join a forum, can't count calories, and it's a waste of her time. She tells me she has so much food in the house she can't even begin to think about a diet. Then she cusses about the d---d diets. She wants to be thin, but won't make the effort. LOL

(My friend is an experienced veteran of yo yo dieting. Plus she can really stuff when it comes to parties. And she goes to a LOT of clubs for the "free food". But when I suggest joining TOPS...well she doesn't have the time.)

I think these kind of people are hopeless and will always be Negative Nellies.
They wallow in self pity. Plus my Mary Contrary friend loves to over eat.

A lot of people lose weight and never regain it. They take their looks and their health seriously.

Just go into maintenance and stay there forever, and don't worry about what your mom says. You know how to handle a diet and maintenance better than most people out there.

You have the computer to help you with maintenance and weight loss. Your mom probably never had that kind of support. She sounds like a lovely woman that doesn't want you to experience the big emotional letdown "when you regain." The old flat earth generation just can't fathom how much easier it is for us to acquire our weight loss knowledge and support. And they probably never heard of maintenace to keep the weight off for good.



Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
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Old 12-01-2011, 08:28 PM   #11
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Well I guess it's a good thing you get to decide who you are and not someone else!!! I don't know why some people make such negative comments, just that they do and it's usually when you are making such good progress. A lot of people could benefit from sensitivity training!

At times like this, I just remember the old classic line "haters gonna hate!" LOL!
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Old 12-02-2011, 12:21 PM   #12
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MOTHERS! - Ugh!

When I read your post, you know what went thru my head???? SARCASM!!!

"Sure mom, let's get the large one, so I CAN'T WEAR IT NOW, WHEN I NEED IT and just HOPE that I regain the weight so MAYBE I CAN WEAR IT sometime in the FUTURE."

duh.

how about we just buy clothes that FIT US RIGHT NOW. not "in hopes of losing weight for next summer" or "just in case I gain more weight next winter" - but just LET'S BUY WHAT FITS US RIGHT NOW. What a concept!!

isn't that what "normal" people do anyway?

HERE'S TO NORMALITY!
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Old 12-02-2011, 03:22 PM   #13
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Thank everyone!
I did end up getting the small, although she made me zip it up and show her how much extra jacket there was "just in case". Ugh.
I think maybe she is going a little nuts! Some days she is super nice and others watch out!
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Old 12-02-2011, 04:46 PM   #14
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I agree with everybody else, prove her wrong.

And I also would be way more likely to go to a "fat" or "formerly fat" trainer than a skinny super stick that's intimidating and would be looking at me as a big fat sweaty hippo jumping around.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:17 PM   #15
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Oh seeety, I am soo sorry she did that to you!

And I totally agree with the others: she is just jealous and dealing with her own issues.
"That´s just who you are!" - No, sorry, this is who SHE is. You´re gonna do it and get the weight off for good!

My mom tries to convince me NOT to try and get a PHD because my poor husband could be uncomfortable with me having that type of education and it is sooooo unnecessary. It is very hurtful, but I remind myself that this is the way she lives her life and not mine.

All the best to you, I hope you show of your new jacket as often as you can!
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