Ok - let's look at this logically, shall we?
First of all, WHY do you
"feel so guilty" that he has to
"put up with" a girlfriend like
"you"?
Do you think the only thing lovable about yourself is your looks? You said all you see is
"the added weight" - but I'd bet he sees you for who you really are! Even tho you ARE pretty (if that's you in your avatar) - I bet you have a lot more going for you than just your looks (or thinness) . I bet you have a great sense of humor, you're probably pretty darn smart, and I'd surmise you have some sort of talent you're not admitting (singing? playing an instrument? writing? decorating? painting? something!) and are you compassionate? I bet so! -and that's just for starters.
You said he loves you and still thinks you're gorgeous... so do you think he's lying? Or is there something deep down about yourself that you can't possibly BELIEVE he loves you & thinks your gorgeous? THIS IS A SELF-ESTEEM ISSUE and even when you reach your weight loss goal, you'll still grapple with this. So I'd suggest you work on your self-esteem. There are a myriad of ways to do this: self affirmations, self-help books, therapy, etc. The point is, YOU MUST LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. You must! Because honey, you can't get away from yourself. You're with you 24/7, no matter what.
As for being
"scared to be thin again" because guys will look at you and people will judge you... well, guess what? WE CANNOT CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO OR THINK. And here's a nice slice of reality for you: 9 out of 10 times, people are NOT thinking anywhere NEAR what we imagine they're thinking. NO.WHERE.NEAR! People are very judgmental, no doubt about that - but they are also pretty much too wrapped up in their own lives to be thinking/worrying about yours. Everybody is walking around, going about their business, living their lives, WORRYING ABOUT THEIR OWN **** entirely too much to be considering YOUR weight.
So here's a suggestion for you: STOP PUTTING YOUR THOUGHTS INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS.
And may I say, you are entirely ONE CUTE CHICK!!! - I mean seriously! your cute little hairstyle & your sweet smile - how could ANYBODY think you're not completely adorable? Only a moron!! - and I'd put good money on a bet that your boyfriend is not a moron...else, why would you be with him?