Hope this is the right place to put this, mods feel free to move if you think I'll get more/better answers elsewhere.
I have been trying to lose weight most of my life. The latest serious attempt started back in January of 2009 before I got pg with my second child. Since then, besides the 18 months I spent pg with two little ones, I've been trying my best to lose weight. Sometimes it works! I'll make changes and eat better and exercise and the weight falls off like it normally would for someone my size. The problem comes when I start losing the internal arguments with myself about making good decisions. This has hindered my weight loss tremendously lately and I am in fact almost back to where I originally started in 2009 (well, about 20lbs away from it, but that's too close for comfort).
What it is, is every time there is a decision to be made on a health issue, eating issue, exercise issue, whatever, I argue with myself inside. It doesn't matter what I try, there is always a very strong part of me that seems to be opposed to "doing what I should". It's a constant struggle, and generally speaking the "good" part of me loses out. I've literally stood with a regular soda in my hands for the better part of an hour internally arguing with myself and telling myself to put it down, then ended up drinking it anyway. I've driven around town for half an hour trying to convince myself that I don't really need to go to the Chinese buffet, but end up going and gorging anyway. This is a constant everyday thing, it happens all the time. Not only does it make being healthy very hard, it also makes my life seem all about these arguments sometimes. Like there is literally another person living in my brain arguing with me about this stuff. (btw, I don't know how else to describe what happens other than as internal struggles/arguments, but I'm not crazy, I swear!) These struggles lead to me making bad decisions, and making them consciously, as in I KNOW that sitting in front of the tv playing XBox instead of going for my scheduled walk is bad, but I sit there doing it anyway (and generally berating myself a lot of the time about the decision that's been made as well).
These struggles are getting harder all the time, it seems the "bad" side of me wins more often than not anymore, and I have no idea what to do about it. I know HOW to be healthy and WHAT I need to do, I just can't get myself to implement a plan of action. I've tried everything from strict plans and calorie counting to IE to whatever. You name it I've tried it, and it seems that there is this gigantic part of me that just wants myself to fail, that's the part that talks back and argues when I try to make a good decision.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?