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Old 11-14-2011, 12:14 AM   #1
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Default total shame.

i reached my goal weight last september. now ive gained 35 lbs. i lost over the summer then quit smoking and somehow managed to gain 20lbs in the past TWO months. my eating is out of control. i feel so ashamed, i dont even want to leave my house because i know people are talking about how much weight ive gained. i know at thanksgiving and christmas my family all be talking about it. last year they all went on and on about how good i looked and i havent seen some of them since.

today i started dieting again and did day 1 of the 30 day shred.

i cant stand that i let this happen!!
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Old 11-14-2011, 12:28 AM   #2
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I know how it is to worry about other people talking. I always joke with everyone in my neighborhood that my yo-yoing weight is the only thing I have in common with Oprah. The truth is that you need to stop giving others so much power over how you feel...especially in regards to your weight. You are so much more than your weight! It doesn't define you. If your best friend gained weight or your daughter gained weight, you'd still have the same high opinion of her. So, please remove those thoughts. Do this for YOU. 20 lbs. is something you can absolutely deal with. You clearly know what it takes...so just start putting one foot in front of the other and be proud of yourself for tackling this during a time that most people would never even consider taking on a diet.

First goal: under 180:
Second goal: 175 or below:
Third goal: 168 (no longer overweight):
Fourth goal: 160 or below:
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Old 11-14-2011, 12:49 AM   #3
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thank you

i hate it. i always hear my friends being like, "so and so has gained so much weight" etc.... now i know theyre saying it about me

Last edited by juliastl27 : 11-14-2011 at 12:49 AM.
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Old 11-14-2011, 02:13 AM   #4
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But you quit smoking! That's huge You know you can lose the weight again, you've done it before. The way I see it, you've done something amazing for yourself and that took priority and now you can really give the weight loss your all.

Besides, maybe they're going to be talking about how proud they are of you. You've proven to them that you're dedicated and you have will power. You've managed to do two very difficult things that many people struggle with. Don't sell yourself short. They probably won't either

Good luck!
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Old 11-14-2011, 02:29 AM   #5
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If someone you actually care about says something to you about your weight gain, then tell them you quit smoking!

Quitting smoking is a terribly hard fight - I would argue just as hard as weight loss. Giving your attention to both quitting smoking and losing weight could make you go batty! You needed to simply focus on the one. You focused on the right thing!

When I quit smoking I exercised tons! Exercising just doesn't jive with smoking - you don't want to smoke nearly as much if you are active.

I also gained at first. I had relearn what my "desire cues" were trying to tell me. When I didn't have cigs anymore, I thought my yearning was telling me I was hungry!

If only we wore our lungs on the outside of our body.... Then, you would show up at your X-mas parties and everyone would say "Wow, what nice, healthy pink lungs you have!! They look SO much better than last year"!

Quitting smoking is hard for many to appreciate because they never smoked, so they don't know what you are going through. As opposed to dieting, everyone has been a bit fat some time or other and knows how hard it is to take it off.

Anyway, your hunger will start to normalize after awhile.

My advice: work-out like a mad woman. This will help you sweat off your feelings of being ashamed, it will also help produce the correct hormones to ward off your constant feeling to eat, and it will make you feel more at home in your body.

Last edited by Unna : 11-14-2011 at 02:30 AM.
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Old 11-14-2011, 02:36 AM   #6
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I know how you feel last year I lost alot of weight and everyone was congratulating me and now I gained most the weight back I don't even want to see any of my family members in fear of them judging me and talking about how I lost all the weight and gained it all back. I hide from most my family now I'm just trying to get back on track now so I can feel and look good again and feel confident. I wish you the best and in no time you will be looking and feeling good!

Just doing it as of 1/18/13!
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Old 11-14-2011, 02:38 AM   #7
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My bf is trying to quit smoking and I was wandering how long did it take for you to quit and what did you do and how can I be supportive to him?

Just doing it as of 1/18/13!
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Old 11-14-2011, 02:46 AM   #8
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Don't let other people get you down! They'll talk no matter what you do, so the important thing is to focus on YOU and what YOU want and what YOU think of yourself. You've done this once, so you can absolutely do it again! The best part is, this time you'll be even healthier, because you'll be active, eating right, AND a non-smoker. Quitting smoking is a HUGE accomplishment that a lot of people never achieve, keep that in mind! To quit smoking AND lose weight-- WOW! You can do this, I know you can.
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Old 11-14-2011, 07:34 AM   #9
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juliastl27, I know how that is. It happened to me, and I didn't even have quitting smoking to blame. Funny how fast weight comes back on...

If your old way of losing and controlling your weight doesn't work well for you any more, try something different. Not crazy--just different. There are lots of ways to lose, and even successful losers have to find one that works, if they regain.

Good luck! Don't worry about people's comments. Hold your head up.

"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Old 11-14-2011, 08:29 AM   #10
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julia, don't be so hard on yourself, right now it is 20 pounds that you want to lose , you can do it, you have proven that. Start now before the 20 becomes 30 and the 30 becomes 40, you get the picture.
I quit smoking, too, several times before I quit for good. I did the yoyo dieting thing, too before I was able to maintain.You can overcome this, do not give up.
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Old 11-14-2011, 08:52 AM   #11
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I know just how you feel. I worked at a place for 13 years where I lost 20-40lbs. and regained it TWICE! Yeah, people were definitely talking. As a matter of fact, one lady in my office who was particularly snotty said this to me during one of my weight loss phases: "Oh, it looks like you're losing weight. But you'll just gain it back, right?"

Unfortunately, I proved her right.

During that period of regain, I had gained weight so quickly that someone asked me if I was pregnant. I had already cried about it so many times, that I was hardened by this. I just replied, "No, just fat."

We cannot control what others say about us. Obviously, even people we love and who love us are going to notice it. The more sensitive will not mention it to us while the clods will. It's just something you'll have to grin and bear. I agree with the other poster who suggested telling people that you quit smoking and are now trying to get back on track with the weight loss.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 11-14-2011, 09:02 AM   #12
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See, I would stop people in their tracks before they have a chance to criticize. I would put my own spin on it, "I know, I hate that I gained 20 pounds (or whatever), but when I decided to quit smoking, I turned to eating for awhile to cope with the cravings, but I'm getting the eating under control now too. Soon I'll be vice free!" Or something like that.

Restart 5/18/15 began at 263.9. All time high was 275 in 7/03. Low in Summer 2012 of 169.
A for the first 50 pounds lost, plus a for every additional 5 pounds lost on the weight loss reboot:

My journey to a healthier lifestyle blog http://melissaslife42.blogspot.com/
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Old 11-14-2011, 02:28 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by cheerios View Post
My bf is trying to quit smoking and I was wandering how long did it take for you to quit and what did you do and how can I be supportive to him?
i took me... one minute: i smoked my last one and decided it would be my last one. I had smoked for over 30 years. It was really hard, i still wonder how I managed to do that. I couldnt sleep properly, I was irritable, I could think of nothing but cigarettes and/or food. And i ate.
I took one day at a time.
"If i did one day I could do two", I said to myself.
"If I did two days I could do three"... and so on.
Yes, very much like weight loss: one step at a time.
I ate non stop for quite a few weeks, and when i realised I had gained about 15, 20 lbs I was so frustrated I ate even more... and gained more.
And now I am here.
We can live without cigarettes but we cant live without food... In both cases the journey is difficult. Yet, it is possible. Good luck!
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Old 11-14-2011, 03:07 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by juliastl27 View Post
i dont even want to leave my house because i know people are talking about how much weight ive gained.
Completely understand. It's like we lost weight for ourselves but now we are struggling to keep the weight off for others. At least for me, that's how I feel. Despite the fact I am ashamed and embarressed over gaining back some weight I feel like I let down everyone who supported me and gushed over how happy they were I was healthy again.

So instead of me telling my family and friends how great I have been doing I have been telling them how I have been struggling. This way when they see me over the holiday's I won't get the once over. There won't be any surprises. They won't have that look of shock and disappointment on their faces. And OK, yeah -- I'm confessing because I don't want to see those looks either! I beat myself up enough already.

But the truth is, although you have had a set back, you are not starting from the top! That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment!! One that we both need to embrace and be thankful for!

1/4/15: Restarting my journey exactly 4 years from when I first started in January 2011. Reached my goal weight in 2012 and regained half of it back.

I never should have left 3FC!

Last edited by ShanIAm : 11-14-2011 at 03:07 PM.
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Old 11-14-2011, 07:56 PM   #15
Overweight again...dang
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I know how you feel. My family saw me shrink, and although they complimented me, they made sure to point out regularly that the diet plan I chose would never work out in the long run. I should do Weight Watchers. And... I proved them right. Though it wasn't so much the program as it was me, and it took me several years for the weight to creep back on. I went ahead and gained all the weight back and added 40 more. No, 50. YUCK!

I felt like hiding and I was so embarrassed. I didn't really want to see anyone for a long time because they will talk about it, and make comments. The worst is when they say it to your face. "You look like you've put on some weight". How rude! I haven't had reason to see any of them for a long time, but only recently have I relaxed about the potential of running in to one at a store or wherever, or seeing them for a family function.

Telling people you quit smoking is the best plan, I think. Everyone knows about how quitting leads to gain and it just replaces one set back with a great, positive accomplishment.

In another thread here, somewhere, people talked about how they handle weight gain comments. I loved it! I thought if I see these family members and they actually tell me that I've gained weight, I'll give them a once over, and comment that they look like they've packed on a few too! So that's another approach.

Don't go in to hiding because, IMHO, it's hard to get out of that once you've started that pattern. Don't worry too much about what they might say too. If you get on goal and manage to drop a few pounds before then, it's likely they won't even really notice the remaining few pounds.
"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!"

"Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Pick your hard."

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I weigh myself every day. It keeps me accountable.
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