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Old 11-08-2011, 09:46 PM   #1
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Default Unwanted attention from men

Although I'm still on my weight loss journey now that i'm a lot slimmer I'm starting to get unwanted attention from creepy men/pervs. Although I did get the unwanted attention while I was bigger, it seems like its happening to me a lot more now. I'm being stared at to the point where I can feel their eyes following me. Cute guys stare at me more often as well however I'm never approached! I was once on the train and caught this gorgeous guy staring at me and we made eye contact twice however he never approached me. Although I'm 22 years old the heavier I got, the more socially awkward. How do you all handle the unwanted attention, have you ever approached a guy you found attractive?
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:53 PM   #2
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I pretend not to notice when I get the attention. At first, to be polite, I thank them (if the remarks are kind), but if they persist, I play dumb. It's the easiest thing to do. Usually, those men go away on their own after you put your headphones back on and don't talk to them.

I have approached guys I find attractive because I find life is too short to wonder whether or not someone is into you. I hate those instances in the past when I thought a guy was out of my league, only to find out, years later that he was into me, or is dating a girl bigger than me (nothing wrong with that, except, I thought the whole time my weight would be an issue!).
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:01 PM   #3
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I just act like they dont exist.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:27 PM   #4
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Chances are you will become more and more comfortable as time passes.
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:01 PM   #5
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I agree, just pretend like the icky ones don't exist. If they're staring at you, do something to keep yourself entertained. If they insist on chatting with you, be nice but again, keeping yourself engaged in something else will give them the signal (should, anyway) that you're too busy to chat.

However, if a guy you might be attracted to is looking, give him a look back and a warm smile! That's the best signal of approachability. And honestly, even if you see a cute guy staring at you and he never approaches you, don't let it get you down. Ultimately you're not going to date every guy who finds you attractive, so if they don't approach just be pleased for what it is-harmless attraction. It feels good to be attractive to people, even if it goes nowhere in the long run. Just consider it a nice ego boost, a lovely little bit of flattery.

I've never been shy about making it known to a guy that I've wanted him. Now, that doesn't always work out for me, but I still feel satisfied that I gave it a chance. I'm sure you'll get used to it all with a bit of practice. :-)
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:01 PM   #6
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Ok so to be honest you never really become comfortable with it. You just learn to brush it off. However, you need to be aware of these creepers. It'll keep you safe. Generally I just stay polite but emotionless. I think a lot of the time they're looking to get a reaction from you. When you give them nothing, they tend to back off.

As for your cute guy problems…not every guy is going to feel comfortable walking up to a complete stranger and striking up a conversation. Especially if they find you attractive. It's intimidating! Just like it is for us. So, if you want to open up the possibility, try meeting his eyes and smiling. Or - and I swear this is serious advice - say hi. It works wonders. I know this from experience.

Most importantly, be confident in yourself! You deserve the admiration and respect of men! No matter what size you are/were.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:00 AM   #7
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Just out of curiosity but it sounds like you only consider them creepy or pervs if you don't think they are attractive? Otherwise you don't mind. Men can't win, can they? You will get used to it and eventually come to appreciate it in time. I'm always out with my baby and now that is men repellent! lol
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:31 AM   #8
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I'd just take it as a complement, i mean does a look really matter? Would be different if you had people calling things out to you etc.

At the end of the day you cant really change other people, you can only control your reactions.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:51 AM   #9
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I'm trying to get used to this right now. Last time I checked, being a woman did not give men a license to touch me without my permission!

For lack of a better term, I've been giving off a "b*tch attitude" and not letting these guys have their way. Giving off that aura of "you'd better not mess with me" has helped me tremendously.

I used to have a myriad of sarcastic comebacks when I was called "fat." Now I'm dipping into that reserve to say to men who bother me.

I have an engagement ring on guys! Leave me alone! I'm taken!
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:02 AM   #10
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I just act like they dont exist.
haha yup and I just try my best to NOT make eye contact. As soon as you do that they THINK they have a chance and stare and follow you around. Ugh....it's really uncomfortable.....just try to ignore.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not racist AT ALL. I love all people, but for some reason out of the blue I seem to be a magnet for Black men (only black men and no women ) and they are SO PERSISSTENT! One guy even asked to add me to facebook cause he only freinds sexy girls....whatever!!! I have finally been wearing my pride bracelet to give them the "hint" cause most of them take no as an answer and thank them and say sorry I'm gay.......which at times they really don't believe
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:19 AM   #11
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Insideme I had to smile, first, I have always had luck with the black men...they were my ego booster which I admit, I loved. But I see your problem, we women have thrown out the "gay" card to shoo away unwanted attention so many times that now those who are truly gay don't have that recourse. I have used it many times. SO many times that when I dated a black guy my brother cried (he was a racist), he told me he thought I was gay and would prefer it over dating a black guy. Some people are really crazy.

I take cat calls or stares as a compliment. As long as I'm not touched or disrespected it is an ego booster for me. I want to be attractive to others. I like feeling pretty, it's natural to want to feel pretty. However, I, too give off a vibe that a compliment is okay, anything further is not. I'm married but I wear no ring on my finger. This journey we are on has many roads and we have to learn how to navigate them to the best of our ability AND do it safely and enjoy the adventure at the same time.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:57 AM   #12
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Ugh. Compliments are nice, but staring and hooting an dhollering is embarrassing and makes your skin crawl a bit.

I wish I could project, "I feel great and look great, but my confidence is not an invitation!"

This summer I had the unlucky experience of sitting next to an overly friendly man on a plane. He was midly flirting at first and I was polite, but then he asked me (All time fave), "I noticed your ring. Are you happy with him? It doesn't bother me that you're married." WTF?!? Gross....
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:21 AM   #13
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I have finally been wearing my pride bracelet to give them the "hint" cause most of them take no as an answer and thank them and say sorry I'm gay.......which at times they really don't believe
And then you have to explain to them that no, "sod off, I'm a lesbian," does not in fact mean, "threesome please!"?

I was slim until a few years ago and grew up in a major city which had a subway, so I grew up with a lot of sexual harrassment and it's horrible. Especially being groped on train journeys when you're fifteen. I don't get sexually harrassed these days, though, as I use mobility aids and they completely change how people react to you (avoidance of eye contact, occasional staring, dirty looks or rude comments, but no wolf whistling). I never enjoyed being sexually objectified, but being treated as something that shouldn't be looked at at all is even more unpleasant.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:19 AM   #14
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I'm trying to get used to this right now. Last time I checked, being a woman did not give men a license to touch me without my permission!

For lack of a better term, I've been giving off a "b*tch attitude" and not letting these guys have their way. Giving off that aura of "you'd better not mess with me" has helped me tremendously.
I am NOT a touchy person. People I know as acquaintances touch me and it makes me uncomfortable. If a stranger did it, especially a creepy guy hitting on me, I'd probably go bat s**t!!

I have always given off the same kind of attitude that you're referring to, often without thinking about it. I'm the type of person who is happiest with a few friends that I would die for if needed (and vice versa) than a lot of social butterflies, though there's nothing wrong with that.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:28 AM   #15
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And then you have to explain to them that no, "sod off, I'm a lesbian," does not in fact mean, "threesome please!"?

.
OMG so true or they ask if they can WATCH!!! Ummmm NO, what part of LESBIAN didn't you get? I don't like sausage or hotdogs, or mini weiners thank you very much! LOL It's true sometimes it's best not to even mention that I'm gay. I'm screwed both ways hahahaha
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