I've been playing the weightloss game for years! And when I get to roughly the same place, I usually stop and then slowly regain. Whether because of complacency, or just being afraid, I always stop myself from going as far as I really want to. I get to a point where I'm proud of what I've done, where I feel that I'm looking better, and where I'm feeling strong. And then I get sloppy. So what's to do? How do you get yourself to break through the barrier and go all the way?
I do this Exact. Same. Thing.
My spot is 180. I'll be able to get down to 179 and suddenly it's like I subconsciously freak out, or my body freaks out.. and I get back into the one 180's and every time I get disappointed by it and end up gaining back to 200 again.
It is making me banana's.
So in other words.. I'd like to know how to get past it too!
I think one of my good friends just told me exactly what I've been looking for.
"You have a strong -desire- to lose weight, but you don't have an ultimate reason. There's something missing that's keeping you from staying consistent and constant and my personal thought is that.. well. While you really want to lose weight, on a subconcious level, you don't actually know
why you do. Conciously, you want to because you want to be thin, etc, but subconciously, and the reason you have trouble "committing" to it, persay.. is because you just aren't actually sure the reasoning behind it."
I always sought after some "Deep meaning" as to why I gained weight in the first place, checking off all of the things that happened to me when I was younger that hurt me.. I worked through those and I didn't ever lose the weight. I think this hit it right on the nose. The reasons I have to want to be thin are all things that I think might possibly not be enough deep down to really drive me to lose the weight, which is sad.
My magic number used to 155. It was that weight when I started feeling more confident, sexy, happy, etc. But when I got to that weight I didn't bother thinking about how much more confident, sexy and happy I could be at 150....145...140...etc. So I stayed at 155 for as long as possible until I dove off the bandwaggon into pools of chips and chocolate.
So this time around I pushed myself past 155 because I wanted to know what it felt like on "the other side". I was scared at first because I got more attention from the opposite sex. I even got so vain that I was convinced I was going to be stalked by some weird guy who found me insanely attractive! LOL (No, I don't feel this way anymore!).
But my point is, even though I was scared to lose weight that protected me from things, I found that it didn't take long to adapt to the lower weight. The weight didn't come off over night so I didn't have to deal with all those emotions overnight either.
Today, I can never image going back to 155. I look back at pictures of myself from that time and wonder WHAT THE F*** was I was thinking!
Ladies, I think you have both hit it squarely on the head. I think I've hit my spot, once again, and my mind has gone a little crazy! I really believe it's a subconscious freak out moment. Fortunately, I think I know how to handle it this time, and I think because I'm recognizing it for what it is this round I can push past it. It's such a weird thing, to believe so much that you are ready to lose the weight, and then to hit a spot where it just scares the living daylights out of you! I got to the point where I was looking in the mirror and looking really nice, but not totally recognizing myself and I guess it was a little bit scary to me.
Rainy- I totally understand what you mean about figuring out the reasons I put it on in the first place. I think that's what's the most different about the weightloss and the motivation this time- I've had to do a lot of soul searching about why I felt the need to shelter myself with that weight to begin with. And I think I'm beginning to make peace with that, but it's still safer to slip into those old habits. But I truly think it's time to move on.
ShanIAm- I also really know what you're saying about the attention from the opposite sex!! Even when I was my heaviest, I know that a few guys considered me sexy, but it was very rare that anyone would say anything. I definitely felt safer at a higher weight. And even with losing only about 20lbs now, I already have an influx of guys hitting on me, I think mostly because I feel happier about my life now and I think that's what they're sensing more than anything. I smile more when I feel better about myself, and I get a lot of looks from it (not to be braggy or anything!). It can be scary for a little bit, and I totally understand what you mean by the vainness! In the tiny corner of the back of my mind, there is a little scared voice that wonders if some guy is going to try and take advantage some day. It's a horrible thing to think, and a horrible reason to cling to the weight. I do have an idea though, I think I will start taking self defense classes! That way I can keep losing the weight without feeling like I'll be totally defenseless without it.
Thanks ladies, I feel like I am in the company of some great women, and it gives me hope. I think I have to continue searching inwardly for the answers and keep listening to my body for my hunger. Thanks for the insight, it means a whole lot to me :-)
Last edited by swtbttrfly23; 10-27-2011 at 12:33 PM.
For me this number was 235lbs. I actually stayed there for a whole year, going up 5 lbs, freaking out, losing 5 lbs to get back to 235, getting complacent, getting motivated to lose 5 lbs, gaining it back etc. I broke out by kind of just renewing my commitment to the journey for a month.
I told myself if you stay a month 100% on plan and nothing happens, then ok maybe this is really where you're supposed to be. But of course as I knew, that wasn't the case. After a month 100% on plan, I was 9 lbs down. So I recommitted for another 2 weeks and then another 2 weeks and so on till it became habit.
For me this number was 235lbs. I actually stayed there for a whole year, going up 5 lbs, freaking out, losing 5 lbs to get back to 235, getting complacent, getting motivated to lose 5 lbs, gaining it back etc.
I have been dealing with this for the last year too, at the same weight! On the positive side, I feel good that I did not have more than a 13 pound gain in a year and that only came in the last few weeks because my binge mode started to rear it's ugly head. But there was more to it, I seemed to be dieting for days on end, not seeing anything but 235 and then relaxing and eating enough to stay at 235. It was crazy. But as much as I was getting frustrated with no loss, I also knew deep down I was preventing it.
I just recently confronted myself with it. There are fears and resentments I am having that are surfacing and just as others have mentioned, they are tied up in sexuality and relationships. It is safer to be fat. I actually know my issues and yet it doesn't make it easier to deal with. I have a wonderful husband so I do not fear attention from other men, but I am past the point of no-return with having an attractive body. Losing all the way down this time will not be like last time....I am middle aged and already after losing half the weight I need to, I am sagging and bagging and feeling twice as old. So I have all these fears that I will look worse thinner. I do not have the reward of looking better in any way, shape or form.
I am ready to go forward and break this major stall. I still have 8 pounds yet to lose to get back to 235 and then onward to the lowest I have gotten so far, 229. After that, it is new territory. I am afraid, but I am willing to risk it.
I did it at 200, then again at 190, and now I'm finally getting over the 180 hump. I can drop 2 pounds a week until I get within a pound of that "0" number, then it takes for ever to get under it and stay there. In my case, it's just a psychological thing where everything that makes me insecure about losing weight or the results come up and have to be squashed back down again.
Getting stuck at the same spot, over and over...
