That person was just venting their own frustrations with themselves for not being able to eat as you are eating. They feel it's unrealistic for THEM to eat lunch like that.
That, and they just assume that's what you eat 24/7 which is pretty narrow thinking on their part!
Well, I do eat the same way 24/7 at this point, but I agree with the first part. Comments like that are always about the person saying them, rather than the person they are said to.
My goodness, I know!! Even at the gym last night, I go in and stop for some brief small talk with the counter girl who is always so friendly and goes out of her way to remember my name, career, weight loss accomplishments, etc... and there was another person standing there chatting with her.
After talking to both of them for a minute, the man that was there decides to tell me everything he ate that day and ask me what I ate that day. Whatever, I'll engage the conversation, so I explained the whole process of juicing fruits and vegetables - and said I drank 2, 600cc juices for breakfast and lunch and grilled shrimp for dinner with brown rice.... then came the tirade of "Well, you will *never* lose weight eating like that!!" "Girl, that isn't realistic!" etc... etc... I just wanted to start to throw things at him! Don't ask me what I ate that day and then be critical. I didn't ask for your opinion in the first place! YOU asked ME!
I did take some passive aggressive pleasure in paying attention to his "workout" though. The cardio machines overlook the rest of the gym. Its great for people watching! He talked with the desk girl for 20 minutes, sporadically lifted some weights for <10 minutes, walked around for another 20 minutes chatting with people and then left. Guess who won't ever lose weight doing THAT?! ;-)
You know....I never really thought about it. But now that I have...yes....it ticks me off too. But what REALLY gets me are those people that KNOW I am working hard to lose weight and literally bring stuff into my office and wave it under my nose and ask me if I want some. That's just plain rude!
On one hand, I agree that it can get annoying, but on the other hand I believe that we're conditioned to treat food comments and opinions much differently than other topics, and I think that does a greater disservice to us. We've made the topic so taboo, that it becomes "undiscussable," and I think that hinders people from making changes or seeking help, because the topic is too taboo to talk about.
People like to share opinions (if we didn't, this forum and and others on every other topic would be kind of useless).
We like to share our opinions and we may even like hearing other people's opinions (even when they're opposite our own) unless we decide it's on a topic we believe isn't any of their business. Problem is we don't all agree on which topics those are.
Considering that substance abuse, sexually explicit and other graphic topics have become mainstream, casual conversation but weight, diet and exercise are supposed to remain taboo?
I don't buy it. I think if I want to be able to share my opinions and even advice on a wide range of topics, I have to accept that other people are going to do the same. Sometimes I'm going to think their opinions and advice are stupid and repetitive, but I imagine some people think my opinions and advice are stupid and repetitive.
I know I have cliche conversation patterns (I know because my husband often tells me "you've told me that story ten thousand times - and it's only partially because I have short-term memory issues with the fibromyalgia).
But we don't get as angry on other topics. And what's strange is that we've become a society in which it's more "ok" to give opinions and advice on rearing child or dealing with substance abuse or a cheating spouse than it is to give opinions and advice on diet and exercise.
My perspective is a little bit different, because I welcome commentary - even if it's incredibly stupid commentary, because it offers the opportunity for discussion - and I firmly believe that making weight, diet, and fitness less taboo is necessary.
Substance abuse, child abuse, domestic violence, eating disorders, mental illness - they're all problems for which treatment success rates improved only after the taboo and stigma associated with each faded.
I think being able to discuss weight loss, diet, fitness and all the behaviors associated with each will be essential to widespread success.
We can't live in that society, because it doesn't exist yet, but the only way it ever will exist is if people refuse to see the "taboo" in the subject.
If I told people I was going to move to California to pursue an acting and singing career, I would get a lot of advice from family, friends and even strangers (including "that's not realistic," and "are you nuts?" especially from those who've ever heard me try to carry a tune).
Heck we love watching Simon rip on people for our amusement.
So if it's ok to brutally dash someone's dreams in the name of entertainment, why are comments on our diet so annoying?
When you're confident in your own choices, other people's comments and even criticism just don't have any sting.
I'm a foodie. I eat a lot of strange foods. It's a personal quirk, but I actually like that about me. I even like when folks comment, because it opens up the opportunity to discuss my quirky interests. Diet, health, fitness, and weight loss may even enter the conversation (because I love talking about those too).
I'm not saying everyone should, I'm just saying we shouldn't take it so personally when people treat weight loss and diet just like every other mundane topic. Topics that some people love, hate, or are neutral about discussing.
We need to celebrate the fact that weight loss and diet is becoming less taboo, because that's a good thing. We can try to push it back in the closet, but I don't think that really does any of us any good, because taboo problems are a lot harder to treat than problems that are out in the open.
Rather we have to build confidence in our choices so that we can discuss and even educate and possibly even convert (just as we would on other topic we were passionately interested in).
I know not everyone will agree with me, but I don't expect that and I don't even think I would like it if everyone did. I think the ability to discuss differences in opinion without (as much as possible) bringing negative emotions to the party, is one of the most awesome abilities humans posess. Discussing views and beliefs and even advice on religion, politics, social reform, charitable organizations, education, child rearing, financial (personal and business), ethics, law, movies, books, video games, even the weather - it's part of makes humanity so awesome. And if we can discuss opinions on all those things, it seems silly that we would want to keep weight loss off limits.
well I have to admit that I'm guilty of this with one lady at work ... I don't go to the lunch room often...its like a dungeon in there and I hate it...I used to call it the fishbowl because you entered and the walls were aqua and it felt like you were in a tank...but they renovated...and still, no light, awful brown and orange colors, and no windows. ugh. Anyhow, I thought I was commiserating with this one co-worker who daily eats just a veg salad, no dressing. I don't know what she weighed in a former life--she looks perfect right now and has for the time I've known her. I was eating a salad that was lackluster and I commented to her.....how do you eat that every single day--because I'm eating the same now for about a week, and I am not even enjoying it---its like PRISON food that you don't have a choice but I'm eating it because its the only option. We laugh about that still. Only I'm making killer salads now.
I probably shouldn't have commented on her meal, but I was more making a comment about the whole diet drag.
Oh, and she said she doesn't like eating that lunch daily, but she does what is necessary to stay thin.
Like Sakai, I'm a veggie (pescatarian actually but whatever) and I get a lot of the same questions and have been challenged SO MANY TIMES by people wanting to know why I don't eat meat and going further to basically try to convince me that I should. It does get annoying, and for almost 20yrs now, I've had this conversation just about weekly (used to be daily).... then I got to the point that I don't even really want to talk about it, particularly if they come off as confrontational about it.
Anyways, the premise is the same... I tell everyone that it's a personal choice, and that I don't tell them what to eat and would appreciate the same respect.
I agree with Kap in that the dialogue isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I know how annoying it can be with someone who isn't genuinely concerned, but rather they want everyone to be (or eat) like they do (because to them, that's "normal") and they come off super snively.
I used to get this all the time from a plus-size coworker (worked in the same building, but didn't work with her, didn't even know her name!).
"There you go, salad again!"
Like, everyday. And I would smile, nod, be pleasant. One day I said "I used to be fat." And I looked her in the eye and held the look.
She never said anything about it again.
wow, way to go! I don't think I would have the guts for that, but that's a great response. I don't think people realize how rude they're being when they make comments like that. On the flip side, I think it's the playground teasing mentality- ridicule what you feel is better than you-- except as adults, it's usually a veiled ridicule.
I'm still on this journey but I think this is what's wrong with our society. If you were eating an extra large value meal with fries and a soda, no one would ever comment about the way you're eating or that it's not "realistic." Eat healthy and a normal portion size for your weight goals and people react.
But... if you ate a value meal and were overweight, they would be talking behind your back.
I'd rather have openly rude conversation with someone, than listen to them talk about me loudly behind my back.
I've confronted a few of those fun people in my life. Boy do they get put out when the "fatty" they've been ridiculing loudly, comes over to their table and starts chatting with them about the comments they've made - the "social rules" tell them that I'm supposed to politely pretend that I don't hear the nasty comments - I don't play by those rules any more. If you're going to talk (especially trash) about me behind my back, you'd better make sure I can't hear you, or you're going to be talking to me about it to my face.
And the best way to really pi-, er tick them off (or if they're decent human beings, embarass the heck out of them), is to do it with a great big, condescending smile and patronizing tone of voice, as if they were complete idiots you were doing the great service of educating in the ways of the world.
What really saddens me is when the people doing the stage-whispering insults (obviously wanting you to hear) are overweight women themselves. It's as if they're trying to make themselves feel better, with the "at-least-I'm-not-that-bad" routine).
And what makes me even sadder is that I once fell into that trap myself. Gossip can be a truly malicious force. I didn't think I was hurting anyone, because I really did try to make sure I was never overheard, but I didn't take into account the damage I was doing to myself or others by contributing to the notion that it was acceptable to judge others for poor choices.
I did, thankfully grow out of that mentality early, because of my jobs in social service and law enforcement in my 20's and 30's. I saw so many basically good people making poor choices, not because they were bad people or idiots or terminally selfish - just because they had been raised with or had fallen into bad habits and didn't know how to make and succeed at changes.
It was weird hearing guys talking about substance abuse and criminal behavior in the same way I talked about weight loss (like the guy who decided to give up residential burglary, but couldn't resist just one more really big heist to get it out of his system, or the alcoholic who turned himself into hospital rehab program after binge drinking in the parking lot beforehand, or the men and women who said "it's no use, I don't know why I can't change, I guess I'm just no good").
It made me realize that change of any kind is really hard, and I can't really ridicule anyone else for failing to change, when I have difficulty making changes in my own life.
Compassion really is an important component, and for weight loss, as a culture we don't seem to have a lot to spare. I usually only find a large supply of that type of compassion in places like this, IRL or online - weight-loss support groups.
For whatever reason no one comments on my food but I have a coworker who is VERY slim, naturally it appears, and she eats what looks like an amazing bowl of fresh veggies and leafy greens with seeds every day! I would want something more because that wouldn't fill me up but I don't comment on it, in fact I want to commend her for being so healthy but I don't bother her about what she is eating because all my other coworkers eat TACO BELL every day and EVERY DAY say "You and your salads Jo!" ...... Today Jo told me she loves her salads! She's not purposefully punishing herself like my coworkers think. Some of us just don't want fast food and LOVE being healthy!!
[Like, everyday. And I would smile, nod, be pleasant. One day I said "I used to be fat." And I looked her in the eye and held the look.
She never said anything about it again.]
Hmm, I also like commentary, but I just like to talk. Actually I might be the one to say something stupid, but I really am just trying to carry on a conversation. I agree with Kaplods on many points.
