Not all Moms. Trust me, having kids already kicked their butts! LOL! Just some Mom's don't know when they are being helpful or hurtful. They try to give advice but it comes across as a personal dig. I fully believe if they knew how offensive they were sounding and how it made the person feel they'd stop. (Of course, they've got huge issues of their own.) It doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself and make your line drawn in the sand clear. Unfortunately, you have to set clear boundaries, even with people who don't intend to be hurtful b/c intentions don't always match actions. Unless a person knows they hurt you, they probably won't stop.
OP,
One thing I have learned about responding to criticism is that I cannot control the critic, only my reaction to his/her criticism. I try to take a deep breath and be humble; sometimes I might not like what is said or how it is said, but when I am humble I can sometimes see that there is some truth to what is said.
When I humble myself, I become strong enough to see that sometimes an outside perspective can be a benefit to me. I can apply it, or not apply it based on my own discretion. But when I automatically receive their criticism as an insult, I only hurt myself.
Criticism is simply someone else's perspective of how a situation could be better handled. I try to thank them for their thoughts and tell them I will take their words into consideration.
Ok so this is a rant!!! I hate when people (family mostly) know when youre eating healthy and trying to lose weight and they think they should tell you what and when and how to eat! My aunt came up yesterday so we had dinner at my grandparents and i had my salad and a piece of chicken parm and some veggie noodles and my mom goes "youll never be a size 8 by next year if you keep eating like this" mind you this was at the table infront of everyone. EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!! Oh and i forgot when i got there i had maybe 5 flat oreo cracker things and my mom goes dont spoil your dinner with snacking youre not going to lose any weight cheating. Like who are you to tell me??? She made one more comment later on and i finally said "oh and youre the one telling me how to eat?" My moms always been overweight and overfed me and fed me crap growing up, i think thats what bothers me the most youre going to bother me about what im eating but youre big too? I just feel like whenever im doing good someone puts me down or someone is offering me bad food knowing that i cant eat it. i guess my question is does this happen to you and how do you handle it?
I would be saying...."Well, I have lost 29 pounds already eating this way and why do I need to be a size 8 by next year? There is no time limit on my weight loss."
That would be my *nice* answer when company was around. When you're alone with your mom you can always tell her something else.
I think what you were eating was quite healthy. Good luck on continued weight loss.
I have had multiple people try to 'help' me with my 'diet'. I have one offender who is the most frequent. During the time that I have lost nearly 80 pounds she has put on what is probably well over 80. I can't know for sure because she lies about her weight and size (not that I ask, she just volunteers info that I know is false). She is constantly telling me about whatever new fad diet she is on and trying to get me to join her. At the beginning, before my weight loss was actually noticeable, I would just tell her that it sounded interesting and that if the plan I was on didn't end up working then maybe I would give it a shot. At this point I simply look down at my body, where my obvious success definitely shows, and tell her that I'm pretty sure what I'm doing works for me, but that I hope her new diet makes her happy.
I agree - I don't think this is an issue of them not understanding how weight loss works or not understanding your plan...it's an issue of what is an acceptable way to talk to someone. Therefore, I don't think we need to justify our choices because they're "on plan" like some users have suggested. Instead, I think we need to be calling these people out on bad behaviour. I'm not trying to encourage nasty behaviour, but sometimes a scathing comeback is the only thing to put a person being rude like that back into place.
I agree that the issue is about inappropriate behaviour. I don't like being embarrassed in a group setting and it seems to come down to two scenarios in my family.
1. Outright teasing about portion sizes or expected portion sizes based on previous eating habits. My answer to that one next time is going to be " Really? You might try taking a look at you own plate.". This matches overt rudeness with rudeness. With people who think that kind of comment is ok sometimes rude back at them is the only thing that will work.
2. Comments about my diet, what's healthy, how much i have lost, etc. It could be snarky remarks or just conversation. I have in the past on any personal topic said very directly something like "I am not going to discuss such a personal topic at the dinner table". You could substitute at a family gathering, in front of all these people, etc. It is a truthful comment that puts everyone on notice that the remarks are unwelcome. Normally there are a couple awkward seconds and then someone changes the subject. If the person persists I have said "again, I am not going to discuss this" and then turn away and start speaking to someone else. This has worked well for me and it rarely happens anymore.
Oh, yeah. I'm right there with you, OP. I've never had anyone be rude, but I've had people give advice that just. . .you know, grates on me. A little over a month ago, one of my best friends came to visit. She's also in the process of losing weight. She noticed that I don't drink a lot of water, which is half true. I tend towards Diet Coke; however, I also drink a glass of water whenever I go to the bathroom.
She wouldn't stop going on about how I should be drinking more water. I wanted to go, "Well, I've lost, like, fifty pounds since February, so apparently not drinking water's doing just fine!" Instead, I just sort of listened, 'cause that's what friends do. Sigh. But, really, since what you're doing is obviously working for you, just ignore what they say.
Or you could just say, "rude much?" with a thoroughly offended look. That usually works on me .
I have a well-meaning family member that used to often tell me that I can't eat something, because I'm on a diet. And yet at the same time she tried to pressure me hard into splitting desserts in restaurants with her... a lot! I don't have much of a sweet tooth to begin with so 99.9% of the time I could care less about dessert (the bread basket is another story..), but pre-WW I used to split desserts with her because she wanted one.
I really don't get the commentary now. I used to say "Well I've lost X pounds, I must have some idea what I'm doing." And finally that number seemed to be enough that it really silenced the critics.
That and just seeming prepared and well-informed. I went into a restaurant once with her and she told me I should have ordered what she got because it was "low fat and healthy" - I told her I looked up the nutrition before I got there, and actually it had nearly 1700 calories and over 90g of fat. She ate about half, but definitely wasn't expecting to hear that. She looked literally queasy, like she was going to run to the bathroom and purge.
It's just a matter of being poorly informed sometimes. And so many people think losing weight, aka "diet" = deprivation.
I imagine it's harder when the comments come packaged with snark.
mind you this was at the table infront of everyone. EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!
Oh and i forgot when i got there i had maybe 5 flat oreo cracker things and my mom goes dont spoil your dinner with snacking youre not going to lose any weight cheating. Like who are you to tell me??? She made one more comment later on and i finally said "oh and youre the one telling me how to eat?" My moms always been overweight and overfed me and fed me crap growing up, i think thats what bothers me the most youre going to bother me about what im eating but youre big too? I just feel like whenever im doing good someone puts me down or someone is offering me bad food knowing that i cant eat it. i guess my question is does this happen to you and how do you handle it?
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