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Old 08-17-2011, 06:08 PM   #1
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As I've lost weight and become so much more conscious of my body, I feel like I've started constantly comparing myself to others. And it's driving me crazy! It really doesn't matter if the person is bigger or smaller, older or younger, I can usually find something about them that is better than whatever that something is on me. Sometimes it's weight related, but it can really be anything- even pretty ridiculous things, like last night when I was looking at this girl in class with me at the gym thinking about how her hair looked so much better in a ponytail than mine. Today I saw my sister, who just had a baby, wearing some of my old jeans and all I kept thinking about was how she looks so much better at that weight than I ever did.

I know that it's such a bad habit, but it's really starting to bum me out. I have a long and war-torn history with the idea of being "good enough", so I'm sure this has something to do with it.

Does anyone else make comparisons like this? Or have any words of wisdom about how to shift my perspective?

Thanks in advance, you chicks are the BEST!
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:16 PM   #2
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I do it all the time, and it's a habit that I am trying to break. It really is bad for the self-esteem.

Now when I look at someone wishing I had what they have I try to think about positive things about myself...maybe that will help you too.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:21 PM   #3
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I think you're losing sight of why you began this journey to begin with. It's not about looking better than someone else, or getting as skinny as your friends/neighbors. It's about getting HEALTHY and learning to love yourself -- losing the weight just makes the latter easier.

I used to compare myself to others when I was younger. "Hey, am I as big as her?" "Am I that tall?" "Is my tan darker than hers?"

Now, I know that whatever I do is for ME and MY life. Life is way too short to concern yourself with other people's opinions, or try to aim for THEIR body weight, look, etc....because you'll never be happy enough.

Stare in the mirror and fall in love with yourself again. Think of how far you've come and how great you feel and look because of all you've accomplished. Good luck!
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:33 PM   #4
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I used to do that all the time when I was younger. Now I just want to be me, warts and all. I don't want to spend my valuable time wishing I was like this one or that one. It's...exhausting and so counterproductive IMO. Just celebrate you.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:34 PM   #5
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I know how you feel, at times is like you would almost undo all the good work you have done in feeling confident about yourself. Remind yourself of the words of the Desiderata, there will always be better than you and there will always be those who you are better than ( in certain areas at least)...that is a fact, the trick is to move beyond it and love yourself.

So I keep this around me and whenever I am tempted to compare I reach for:

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:38 PM   #6
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This is going to sound really super cheesy, I mean it, really super cheesy, but it's what I've been doing for years.

You know that Christina Agulera (?) song "You are beautiful" (guessing at title) I sing that to myself.

My mother was told she could never had kids so my family was resigned to that fact, then I came along. They never accepted me and let me just keep it short in saying they loved to torture me, so I have struggled with low self esteem all of my life.

But I have to say the moment I looked into my son's eyes all that changed. I can't lie and say I stopped instantly hating myself...I didn't, but I did start finding self worth. And its taken me a long time (15.5 years since son was born) to truly believe that I am beautiful, no matter what they (and me sometimes) say.

I will always be different from others, but that doesn't mean that I'm not good enough. So my drum beats differently, I'm still beautiful and so are you. Let go of comparing because you'll never be satisfied. Start loving who you are. You can't rely on others to give you validation, you have to do it.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:39 PM   #7
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I think lots of girls compare themselves to others. At least you are aware of it and can try to stop yourself because you know it makes you feel bad. Just remember you are unique and beautiful just the way you are
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:42 PM   #8
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I was the opposite of you, I have always had a pretty decent since of self worth. I knew that I was overweight, but I was still confident. I could always find something positve about myself. My sister never went to the club pool because she did not want to be compared to all of the skinny women there. I never cared, I went and had fun with my kids. Now that I have lost 70lbs, I am all of a sudden self conscious at the pool. I don't compare myself to others but I worry they may compare themselves to me. I really don't want anyone to look at my stomach. It is so silly, and is holding me back from just enjoying myself with my kids.
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:29 PM   #9
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I'm old, probably old enough to be the mother of the op.

Comparing no longer concerns me. What does, is do I feel good, do my choice of clothes fit and look good.

The other day we made a trip out of town to see the hubs heart dr. we had some time to kill and since we were out of or our farm (redneck/blue collar) element and in the city, we played, are the *girls* real of *fake* It beats road rage, cuz you can't get from here to there without driving 5 miles!

Not really the best game, and I know it is sexist, but it was a way to pass the time and we were NOT judging.

Quit worrying about everyone else, embrace yourself and your body and give it the best you can and rock it!

I'm 52, and I think I look darn good, stretch marks from babies, saggy girls and all! I can still rock a good dress, hair and heels if I need to! And if I don't well, I still think I look darn good!

And the hub! He is rocking it with me! Been married 34 years on the 27th of this month! Still chases me around the house!
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:31 AM   #10
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I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease when I was 35 years old.

Now I am 47, bald from a brain surgery on June 1st, and have had 4 previous brain surgeries to control my symptoms and fix my hardware that was installed in 2004.

Previous to all of this happening, it seemed I was always worried about how I looked, comparing myself to whoever I thought was skinnier, prettier, younger, whatever. Now I am thrilled to still be alive to see my kids and grandkids grow up, and thrilled that my limbs still carry me from place to place. I have figured out, (finally), that it's all about perspective. We are all beautiful and we all have value and self-worth. Look in the mirror and say the nicest things to yourself every time you do. You deserve it!! You are a beautiful person.
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Old 08-18-2011, 05:56 AM   #11
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I no longer feel this way since I realized this: No matter how gorgeous you are (think of the most beautiful celebrity you know), there will always be someone prettier, smarter, etc. Everyone has his/her 15 minutes. However, each of us has unique qualities and I try to focus on mine. For example, I think I'm great at identifying & appreciating others' qualities. That may seem a strange thing to be proud of but it's actually not as common or easy as you think. Focus on what makes YOU special. Make a list of your special qualities. Every time you start putting yourself down, think about your list.
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Old 08-18-2011, 06:33 AM   #12
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Having lost over 100 lbs, I look at women and compare them to me. I am thinner than lots of women out there but it doesn't make me feel any better. My partner knows I do this and he often says to me "Yes, you're thinner than her".
I still see that "fat" woman when I look in the mirror and I know that it is only me that can change that. I think I will still think I'm fat and ugly even when I reach my target goal unless I can find something in side me to change what I have told be told since I was a child.
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Old 08-18-2011, 10:49 AM   #13
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Thank you so much for all your kind words and advice! I read some of these posts before I went to spin class last night and I was definitely thinking of you guys while I was there. There are so many bada$$ women there, so I consciously forced myself to think about how we were all in there doing it together, how I'm kind of a bada$$ too, instead of thinking about how much I wanted to be like them. I like that it's easy for me to see positive things about other people- you guys have helped me realize how little I do this for myself! There is always something to work towards...
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Old 08-18-2011, 11:03 AM   #14
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I'm probably weird in my thinking process, but the way I look at it, there's ALWAYS someone prettier, richer, smarter, funnier, cooler, etc than me. Somebody's always "better" than me in some aspect or another.

And then again, there's always people that I have the edge over, too - in every single aspect.

So comparisons are really a waste of time. And I hate wasting time.
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:43 PM   #15
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If you want to improve self esteem, then do esteemable things.

What do you do that is esteemable? Because looking at other people for reasons to tear yourself down isn't.

How about volunteer work? Learning a new skill? Hobby? Teaching someone something?

I'm glad about the spin class and how you INCLUDED yourself in that thought -- that you are all in there being badass together, learnign to be stronger cyclists. Instead of looking for reasons to EXCLUDE yourself from humanity. Bad ponytails and jeans and whatnot.

Go and LIVE your life. Not treat it like spectator sport with you always on the sidelines.

GL!

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