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Old 08-13-2011, 08:48 PM   #1
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Red face Healing

I started losing weight and changing how I look on the outside but I realized that I need to do some fixing on the inside. I'm losing weight at a steady rate but.... it's not making me feel any better about myself. It feels as if it's useless- since no matter how flawlessly slim I look I won't be happy. I really want to change this attitude. I've had it for the past year and it's just getting worse and worse. I want to be happy and beautiful. I'm looking better but I still feel the same as I did when I started. Is there any way I can help my mind heal like my body? There's no point of me looking good if I don't feel good on the inside... A few people told me therapy would help but.... that's not possible for me right now. Is there any way I can help myself? Any suggestions would be wonderful. Or anything that worked for you. :-) Thank you so much guys it means a lot to me.
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Old 08-14-2011, 02:57 AM   #2
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Why not try making a list of all the things you DO like about yourself?

Non-physical things. Your personality, your quirks, your interests, the way you do things.

Positive daily affirmations might be something that could help you. Where you take that list of things you enjoy about yourself, look yourself dead in the eye each morning and say for example: "I am intelligent, I am capable, I am compassionate, and I will continue to learn, volunteer, be a good friend." etc etc.

I also suggest journaling through negative thoughts. Rant for a paragraph about said things you're unhappy about.

But in the next paragraphs objectively determine whether or not they're true, most of the time they probably won't be true (ex: "I'm just too stupid"...but wait that's not exactly true, because I remember that time I wanted to learn about xyz and I got that book and learned more about it) and if something is true (ex: "I think I could be nicer" Maybe when that neighbor starts talking about her day I'll stop for a minute and really listen to her) then go about determining how to make it different.

But, keep in mind that nobody is perfect. And try to think of what you might say to your best friend who was talking negatively to herself.

These things might not work the same way as therapy, but they could be a start at something more positive, and take the focus off of the solely physical. I do hope that circumstances change and maybe you're able to talk to a counselor when possible.
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Old 08-14-2011, 05:11 PM   #3
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You might like the book Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance by Rosie Molinary. It comes with 365 exercises for self acceptance. I'm reading it in a book group.
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Old 08-14-2011, 05:58 PM   #4
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You sound like you're starting a good journey there. Arts, crafts, music, that sort of thing works well for many people, both because it's relaxing and creative and generally pleasant, and because it can be a way of working through things. I was a keen musician as a child and teenager, and these days I adore quilting.
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Old 08-14-2011, 08:57 PM   #5
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Lovely- Thanks for the words of advice! I am currently getting into the habit of journaling. Creative outlets have always done wonders. I hope things change too. Although it's doubtful that I'll be speaking to a counselor within the next 5 years. But hey you never know.

JessLess- I'll take a look at that the next time I go to the library. Thanks for the suggestion <3

Esofia- Yes the arts are quite wonderful aren't they. I don't think I could get through a day without my art or my music. It's so beautiful how they are so powerful that they can heal people and make you happy. You quilt? That's really cool. I've always wanted to try it but I end up wussing out. Haha.

Thank you all for you're help. I hope someday I can return your kindness.
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Old 08-15-2011, 05:26 AM   #6
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Ooh, what sort of art do you do? And what sort of music? I don't play percussion any more, but I still have a piano and sing occasionally.

As for quilting, why wussing out? One of the lovely things about quilting is that it's approachable at any level, and even when you're a beginner you can still produce something beautiful and useful. Admittedly I absolutely adore quilting and couldn't imagine being without it, so I'm a mite biased. My partner asked me not too long ago how on earth I spent my time before I quilted. It does seem to inspire this sort of devotion in the other quilters I've met. I still haven't worked out how to use a sewing machine (one day when funds permit, I'll get lessons) so I sew everything by hand, and really enjoy the physical process of hand-sewing. I know a few people who do a sort of art journalling through quilting and use it as a way of exploring depression, past trauma, that sort of thing, though personally I seem to be happier using it as a nice cheery escapist thing instead.
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Old 08-15-2011, 12:13 PM   #7
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Let's see I'm mostly a pencil artist but I do a fair amount of painting (mostly acrylic) and some chalk pastel works. I'm also getting into photography and ceramics..... haha.

As for music I've been playing piano for a little over 4 years and I love it dearly. My favorite genre is romantic. That's what I mostly play. I'm currently working on Brahms Intermezzo no7 op76. I couldn't find a nice recording of it online to link you to. I'm also working on the first 2 of the "In the Mists" by Janacek. Here they are:
the 1st half (what I'm doing): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2d3_p9yvhc
the 2nd half (what I will be doing): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFkLU...eature=related
So beautiful. Hopefully I will be able to create my own version of these lovely pieces. <3

Well.... to be completely honest I'm slightly intimidated. I haven't really tried sewing too much so I can't say I can sew a straight line. LOL. I'm improving but I'm not sure if my sewing skills are up to quilting level to say the least. Eh we're all biased if you think about it. I'm a nut about romantic music, drawing, and painting so.... Anywho I find the arts (especially journalling) to be a great way to relieve past woes and also as a way to explore who you are now. And if I'm being completely honest I find it a fun way to get my mind off things and create something meaningful. <3 And to a fellow artist :hugs:!

I'm actually in HS right now. (Yup I'm still a kid <3. But I'm keeping my age to myself haha). Anyway at out school we have a marvelously large art club. I'm not really the best at striking up a convo with random people (I kinda blush and stutter a bit -.- ). So I just kinda sat in the corner and drew. Since last year I was just a freshie I decided to try not to get in the upperclassmen's way. Everyone was interested in everyone else's work so a few kids ventured off into my corner and looked at my work. And I did the same to them. Through our artwork we were on the same wavelength. In the end we all spoke the same language- art! I think the fine arts are a great way to make connections to others. Besides healing the heart and easing pains from the past I think it's a great way to build a future.

Okay sorry that was cheesey. :P I guess I'm the romantic cheesey soul. Oh well I'll live.
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