[KatieC87]

It doesn't help that he's a young man. Even my 31 year old husband sometimes puts his foot in his mouth when it comes to weight loss and body image. He never says anything mean (like your son did), but there have been many times that he's stopped after saying something and added, "That didn't come out right, did it?"

When I was a young'n, I had body issues (even though I now know that I had absolutely no reason to). My brothers knew this and took every opportunity to call me a "fatty" because they knew it would hurt me. The thing is though... I don't think they realized HOW MUCH is hurt me and affected my self-esteem. I don't think men can relate to women very well in this regard. Unless a man is sensitive or very overweight himself, he probably doesn't have the same body hang-ups that we do. (They do have other body hang-ups, but usually not to do with weight. For instance, my husband has a tough time dealing with hair loss, even though I've assured him many times that I think it's sexy.) He also doesn't have the media telling him that every ounce of fat needs to go and every wrinkle needs to be treated with creams or surgery.

So, I think men/boys say things sometimes without realizing how much we worry about our bodies, our fat... They just don't get it! For example, our sex life took a dive when I gained weight because I didn't want to put my body on display with all its rolls and bulging areas. Even after deciding that I'd be open and honest with my husband about my weight loss this time around (for added accountability), I still had to spell out to him the reason I didn't want to be on top for afternoon sex. "I have body issues!" I yelled, lol. It was something I thought was so obvious, but he - like my father and grandfather before him (They both are uber critical about weight gain when I visit.) - was oblivious to how much my weight affected me on a day-to-day basis.

Of course, in your case, it's a side effect of LOSING weight! Way to go there! Young men are SO shallow when it comes to any imperfections. My youngest brother is 18, and he acts like any girl who isn't model material is too ugly for him. It makes me wonder if these young men just have really distorted visions of themselves and don't see their own imperfections.

Okay, ramble/rant over! He he.

[mamakat]

losermom I don't think it matters what brand you buy, they all fade. I bleach and everything and still I am nearly baby blue right now and it's only been 3 weeks. A year after I got married I shaved my head (skin) and then an old friend called me up and asked if I'd be in her wedding. OMG she flipped when I showed up at rehearsals...luckily I had a while to grow it out. It was the only wedding I was ever in...too much stress and restriction I'm not good with rules. That's why I have a wig on stand by...like when I have parent/teacher conference.

[shishkeberry]

I used to dye my hair all kinds of colors, too, but I got tired of the bleach. i like the wig idea, though. Hmm. I do miss having pink hair.

[mamakat]

shish I don't mind the bleach or the dry brittle hair as I shave my head every six weeks ( not skin anymore). I love my wig and am planning to buy more. Its soo easy to deal with especially when you have short hair like I do.

katie I sometimes think the same about young boys. I grew up with a very egotistical brother who was a skinny drug abuser and had that shallow eye look. Yet he would strut around like a peacock...he never called me fat, his thing was "you're just healthy". It's funny though growing up I truly believed I'd never get a husband...my mom and grandma stuck that ugly thought in my head. You're fat, can't cook, clean. And I believed it. But now I see we girls take on too much as far as relationships. We think we can't get anyone especially when guys say they'll only date model types. Dating is one thing, marriage a whole 'nother thing.
I tell my daughter (preteen) not to get hung up on that because as I've learned...guys will date anyone and anything. Guys may sound picky but they are just as wanting as we are. That's where us girls have to be sensible. They're looking to have a "good time/sex" we're looking for a relationship. We have to be the picky ones, not them. And I reassured her that even when you're feeling icky, fat or pathetic theres a guy out there...then I gave her some of my examples which made her laugh.


So there! to anyone who says we're not lovable/or marriage material. For a footnote...when I got married I had the same but as I do now although smaller. It's the oddest shaped butt anyone has ever seen. My mom used to say it was deformed and said no one will love that butt. When I was dating DH he said he loved my butt because he had a place to put his beer. even obstacles can't stop us women.......ROAR!

[claire0412]

Ah we were hideous to my mum when we were growing up, as well as hideous to each other. I think we were nicer to her than to each other, but we still used to pick on the things the other person was insecure about. My brother's standard greeting to me still is (after he hasn't seen me for 6 months) 'Alright fatty, saw your belly before I saw you' or something like that. Families, who'd have them! The best line of defence is to pretend you find it funny (I do now, didn't when I was an angsty 15 year old), otherwise it just encourages them.

[sacha]

Sorry your feelings were hurt. I think, in 30 years when you are a grandmother and he has put on his own baby weight, you can remind him what he said and by then get a heartfelt apology when he is mature enough to understand

I'm glad mine is still too young to talk!