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Kicking depression when you have no one to talk to...

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Old 07-04-2011, 09:56 PM   #1
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Unhappy Kicking depression when you have no one to talk to...

I have been battling my weight for as long as I can remember. Its really gotten out of control the past year and I am now heavier then I've ever been, even when I was pregnant. I go to food for everything, especially when I'm feeling depressed. I also find help in talking to friends and family but that has become few and far between too. I only have a few close friends and two of them just had babies, so I dont want to bother them with my problems.. and the other one is in a new relationship and has become hard to get a hold of. I know I always have my family, but frankly I'm more comforatable NOT talking to them about my weight issues.. they've heard it all before, is the way i think...

How can I deal with my issues when I have no one to talk to and spend 90% of my time with just me and my son??... I especially hate when he goes to bed.. reality really seems to take over then... I know I could seek counseling but I've done that before and it never seems to work.

I'm sick of this slump I've been in.. and I really need to figure a way out!!
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Old 07-04-2011, 10:09 PM   #2
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I think the ones of us who have had a weight problem totally understand turning to food. It is comforting..but only short term comforting. The guilt always follows. I think it might help to think about the possitive things. Like all you will be able to do with your son that might be hard to do now. Get a hobby when he goes to bed...read , paint your nails and start a journal about your feelings. It is hard and I've been there and sometimes still am. I'm doing Weight watchers now and it is helping...just keeping busy. You have all the tools to do it and you will!!!
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Old 07-04-2011, 10:34 PM   #3
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When you say you have no one to talk to, that's not exactly true. There's online support. You have 3fatchicks where you can talk away. And you know what? It's likely you will meet people on this forum that can provide a better understanding and support than your friends out in the real world.
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Old 07-04-2011, 11:58 PM   #4
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im sure you could also find in person support groups too.

Never give up, as long as you are alive its not pointless, hugs.
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:08 AM   #5
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3FC has a whole section dedicated to dealing with depression... there are some great people there and we lay it on the line. Join us there....

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/depr...ght-issues-76/
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Old 07-05-2011, 09:15 AM   #6
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Will you check in your area to see if there are community support groups or a hotline you can call to talk to someone? You could discuss this with your family doctor on your next visit and s/he might have some ideas for resources as well. I felt this way too, I spoke with my doctor regularly and also contacted a counselor through the employee assistance program offered by my employer and was able to set up a once a week call with a counselor who let me vent, listened to my problems and asked some thought provoking questions in a very non-threatening way. My issues were mostly relationship issues, so it was good to talk to someone outside of our circle of family and friends.

Here are some online links I found on a google search, and as someone mentioned there is a forum here to talk about depression as well.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/support-group
http://www.stressgroup.com/depression.html
http://www.depression-understood.org/
http://www.depressiontribe.com/

Please do reach out to someone and find some help, you will thank yourself later and be in a much better mind-space for your son.
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Old 07-05-2011, 09:33 AM   #7
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I agree with "notperfect"; I have come to relish my quite time alone in the evenings. Whether it's with a good book, movie, hobby, or whatever.

I'm learning that I have to keep myself occupied during the day as well. This summer started off very difficult for me. I didn't have the money to return to school so I found myself with alot of time on my hands, it was easy to get depressed, and like you, I have noone to talk to. I recently joined OA and have started to make some friends who relate to the struggles I face.

I started looking for summer projects and with the help of reading Does this Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat I've started cleaning and organizing my home. When I stay busy I don't overeat, I'm burning calories, I love the cleaned and organized areas, and I'm not depressed.
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:18 PM   #8
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how old is your son? From your post it sounds like he is really young still... have you looked into PPD?

I had a hard time after my daughter was born and the two things that helped me the most where 1. finding a local playgroup that met consistently once a week (seriously, it was by far the highlight of my week) and 2. making myself leave the house every day even if you end up going to the grocery store just to buy a loaf of bread, go!

Some areas have moms group where the moms go out with jogging strollers and jog/walk together. There are also mommy and me yoga classes out there too that might be good for you to meet others and get some exercise in.

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Old 07-05-2011, 02:32 PM   #9
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The % of people who go through depression, even transiently, sometime during their lives is extremely high.

Being "healthy" absolutely includes emotional/mental health.
Interesting FYI: over 60% of medical students go to see counseling services at least once during the 4 years of school. IMHO it should be 100%, but that shows you that they recognize the importance of outside assistance for perspective on ones' mental health.

Myself, I have dysthymia (low level persistent clinical depression) and have been treated with medication in the past. I've also seen a psychologist who specialized in cognitive therapy. One of the absolute best things I've ever done.

The bottom line of it is to get perspective on what is the truth vs your perception. You need to be more aware of what you say to yourself. Your name is even indicative that you tell yourself things that reinforce your poor self image and put yourself in circles of depressive thought. One counselor told me "you always will believe what you tell yourself, because your mind does not consider that you would lie to it." So be careful with what you say.

Also, it's possible that you have clinical depression, which is a chemical imbalance, and there might be genuine indication for medication. It may be temporary, but even so, you should be evaluated if it persists. There is a very stupid stigma about this sort of thing, but don't let that stand in between you and your health.

Don't blow off depression, or push it under the surface. It will always eat at you unless you fight it.

Not having other friends to talk to doesn't help, but people usually need someone's perspective who's trained to help you find ways to kick depression yourself. People are not born knowing these skills.

You deserve to be better to yourself, to feel better, and to take control of how you feel.
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Old 07-05-2011, 02:42 PM   #10
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One thing I learned, but didn't actually listen to until years later, was:

It doesn't work if you rely on whether you feel like doing something.
You have to do the thing in order to get the feeling.

I rarely FEEL like exercising, honestly, almost never. But I love the feeling I get from it afterwards. So I always have to force myself. And keep telling myself how good I feel because of it. And that therefore, I actually love exercising, even if I don't feel that way beforehand.

It's actually a cognitive thing, and it works. Usually

I take an addicting book and music with me to the gym, zone out on the elliptical, and never let myself feel guilty for not studying or getting stuff done during that time. It becomes my haven. Exercise is just a part of that enjoyable package.
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Old 07-05-2011, 05:42 PM   #11
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I don't know your entire situation, but are you exercising? that's been proven to lift your mood and depression. I feel better just doing even a 15-20 minute workouts. when my body is stronger, I tend to be able to brush off the little things that bug me. Might help you a bit too

Of course you can also look into church meetings and therapy also, but just in the mean time, exercise is something you can do today.

Last edited by ringmaster : 07-05-2011 at 05:43 PM.
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