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I just can't visualise myself losing weight!!

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Old 06-26-2011, 04:14 AM   #1
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Unhappy I just can't visualise myself losing weight!!

Hey everyone, i'm not sure id this is the right board to ask this quiestion, but here goes anyway.
I have a lot of trouble with visualising myself as the girl I want to be! I can't even visualise myself as I used to be when I was still overweight, but much less so. I am wondering if that is one of the reasons that weight loss in the past has not gone so well and if that's why now I am worried that I won't make it. I want tobe healthier and happier more than anything, but I can't see myself getting there, well notthat i won't get there, but i feel like i will work as hard as I can and still look overweight. I kow that might sound silly, but even worse, I look at people like my sister and others who are healthy weights and they look ridiculously small to me..like i would never be able to do that.. I guess it doesnt help that my grandmother (who has always been on my case as i previously posted about on another board!) once said to me " you will never be as thin as your sister..you will always be big". For all I know, she could be right!? I have never been a healthy weight or even happy with my body so i don't know..maybe i will never be happy?!
Ahhhh now i have panicked myself even more...
Sorry for the long rambly, not making any sense, post. Just had to ask to see if anyone feels/felt the same and how they overcame it or are overcoming?! Ahh sorry not making much sense..perhaps i am over tired lol
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Old 06-26-2011, 04:50 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by mysticalcrayon View Post
my grandmother once said to me " you will never be as thin as your sister..you will always be big". For all I know, she could be right!? I have never been a healthy weight or even happy with my body so i don't know..maybe i will never be happy?!
It always ticks me off to hear about being compared to a family member, especially when another family member does it! I can't imagine what that feels like, but even when it's a "compliment" to the listener it's still mean to the other person. It's just one person's opinion and she was wrong to voice it. I'm not sure if it was a misguided attempt to give you a heads up or what, but try to put it down to your grandmother having a graceless moment.

As to whether or not you'll be happy...If your happiness is tied to what your weight is and how it compares, then maybe you'll never be happy. Weight fluctuates and bodies change. There's always someone thinner. It's just a lot less stressful to say, "I'm not my sister/or other thin person. My body is different. I'll do what's best for me and because that's what matters." Most women have areas they don't particularly like about their bodies, but you've gotta take the good with the bad, as they say. Don't throw the towel in yet because you think you might not be happy. You'll never know for sure until you get there! Besides, losing some weight is still better than losing none.

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Originally Posted by mysticalcrayon View Post
Just had to ask to see if anyone feels/felt the same and how they overcame it or are overcoming?!
Um, can't help you there. I have the opposite problem where I already visualize myself as thinner than I am, so the mirror is a bit of a reality check every time I walk into a bathroom. (Whoa, who's that? lol) Maybe you could focus on what it feels like to see the number go down on the scale, how much further you can push yourself during workouts, or take a moment to be proud when you make a healthier food choice. If it's hard to imagine yourself in the future, try thinking of the things you're doing now and how far you've come. The more you accomplish the more you'll see that you can do what you want. Then you can blow a big wet raspberry to those who didn't believe in you.
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Old 06-26-2011, 06:06 AM   #3
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I have been overweight since I was around the age of five, so I have absolutely no idea how to visualize myself at a smaller weight. About the only thing I can do is just make healthy choices one day at a time, and focus on doing better for myself than I have done in the past.

That's it. Long as I stay on this path I'll eventually get smaller, and take pictures every few months to see the progress. Hopefully the pictures will catch up with me and I'll mentally see myself differently.

But, I don't really hold my size as having much to do with my happiness in the first place. I'm happier now, not because I'm a little lighter, but because I feel healthier in general.
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Old 06-26-2011, 08:52 AM   #4
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I was close to your starting weight and now that I am goal I sometimes hear myself referred to as being tiny. I think to myself who are they talking about. I know I wear smaller clothes and I see myself in the mirror I am definitely smaller. I just don't compare myslf to my old self that much, except when I see someone that looks like I used to look. I am happy to be at goal and you will be too.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:17 AM   #5
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Um, can't help you there. I have the opposite problem where I already visualize myself as thinner than I am, so the mirror is a bit of a reality check every time I walk into a bathroom. (Whoa, who's that? lol)
At least the mirror does that to you. I don't have that revelation until I look at candid pictures.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:32 AM   #6
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I've never been 'small' either. My lowest adult weight was 209. I lost about 20 lbs more than that when I was in cancer treatment but as soon as the treatment was over and my appetite returned I put it all back on and more. So this will be an interesting experience, to see what I look like as I continue to lose weight.
I think it is exciting, though, to see how your body will change and what you will look like. Enjoy the journey and honor your progress.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:57 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by mysticalcrayon View Post
I have a lot of trouble with visualising myself as the girl I want to be! I can't even visualise myself as I used to be when I was still overweight, but much less so. I am wondering if that is one of the reasons that weight loss in the past has not gone so well and if that's why now I am worried that I won't make it.
I suppose everyone is different, but I can't see how being able "visualize" yourself thin (whatever that means!) or not is going to keep you fat.

What is going to keep you fat is: not sticking to a plan of healthy eating and (possibly) exercise.

People sometimes talk about visualizing yourself (thin, successful, in whatever circumstance you are striving for) as a way of motivating to success, or something. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't - but I don't think the converse follows, that if you can't visualize yourself, you are doomed to fail. That sounds like bunk to me. If visualizing as a technique isn't helping you, then don't do it. Do something else. But for heaven's sake, don't let "I can't visualize myself thin!" become your next excuse for staying fat.

So instead of focusing on whether or not you can visualize, focus on changing your behaviors. You have a lot more control over what you do than on what you will look like when you lose weight. And changing behaviors is something you can start to do right now, with your very next food choice, even if your mind won't let you visualize yourself thin.
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Old 06-26-2011, 10:05 AM   #8
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At least the mirror does that to you. I don't have that revelation until I look at candid pictures.

Yeah I know what that is like too!! I hate that, I have also lost in the past, about to where I am now (about 40 lbs loss)... then back up again... and then down... But I feel good about myself (feel like I look good) and people say they can see a change (when i have been down) and then one of my friends will take a photo and I would get all depressed and feel efforts were futile... Because that is not what I thought I looked like when I left the house-- and because to me I would hate it and feel I didn't look much different... And back up I would go... Now I do get more pissed when someone comes at me with a camera (must avoid at all costs!!) because it's just annoying- don't take photos until i get a heck of a lot closer to my goal... And take all those hideous pics you have of me on MySpace down!! If I want my nemesis from 6th grade and the rest of the damn world to see them then I would post them myself... Geez. No respect!! Maybe its a little crazy on my part but this tiny thing really puts me into a back-wards slip.
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Old 06-26-2011, 10:21 AM   #9
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On Monday I bought the CORE Balance Diet book - she teaches total body/mind/spirit balance for weight loss. The theories in her book may explain why you haven't been able to lose. Seriously! In less than a week I've broken through a 3 month plateau and have lost 3lbs.

According to the author (and others) positive thinking plays a big role in losing. No negative thoughts allowed! Ban the negative self-talk. You'll have to catch yourself doing that and just stop it immediately, reverse it and think about something good instead.

You CAN become as thin as your sister - or at least close! In my 30's I took up running and went from over 200 to 106. So, Grandma was wrong (sorry Grandma) but I think she was trying to encourage you in her own way... many people have told me the same thing meaning that my bone structure is large - therefore I can not be tiny. Plus, I just LOVE to eat. I've always been obsessed with food - now I just try to keep it clean/healthy food and remake old recipes into healthy ones.
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Old 06-26-2011, 10:39 AM   #10
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Um, can't help you there. I have the opposite problem where I already visualize myself as thinner than I am, so the mirror is a bit of a reality check every time I walk into a bathroom. (Whoa, who's that? lol)
Ha! That was me! I'm finally starting to look like the person I visualized myself being.

I say, you can be thinner! Just because you can't see yourself that way, doesn't mean you can't get there. You need to ignore those voices in your head, and otherwise, that tell you you can't. It can be done. Will you look like your sister? Uh, no, of course not. We are individuals. We look like ourselves. That's not a bad thing. You can do it!
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:22 AM   #11
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I am taller than you are by a few inches, but also started out at a much higher weight and had a lot more in total to lose - almost half my body weight. I have a large frame (according to wrist measurements), and I know that I will never truly look or be "thin". It's just not in the cards for me to wear a size 2 like my gorgeous, small-framed sister, no matter how much effort I put into my weight loss. So I gave up on that thought, and just want to get down to a healthy weight.

Still, I couldn't see myself at a lower weight either; it had been so long that I had no idea what I would look like at 200 lbs, let alone at something closer to my ultimate goal. And for the first 5 months of my weight loss, NO ONE NOTICED. I'd lost more than 50 lbs, and no one could tell (or at least. no one who didn't already know I was trying to lose weight said anything).

But here's the thing. Whatever you can visualize in your mind or can't, whatever you see in the mirror or don't, whatever other people notice or don't, I can guarantee you that you will feel better once you've lost 25 lbs. And amazing when you've lost 35. And awed when you've lost 45. Physically AND mentally. The difference in your mental outlook and energy as that weight comes off is truly astonishing - and it's a positive feedback loop that keeps you going. The better you feel, physically and mentally, the more you want of that feeling.

Now, at more than 65 lbs lost, people CAN see the difference in the way I look, and comment on it regularly. But that's just a side benefit. Though I'm only halfway to my goal, and still obese, I truly look and feel a million times better than I did 6 months ago. I've said it a hundred times, but this is far and away the best thing I have ever done for myself, and I am incredibly proud of what I have accomplished.

So maybe, instead of trying to visualize how you might look, focus on how you will FEEL. Your feelings about your body, your mental/emotional state, the physical lightness you'll feel without that extra weight. Those things will change sooner than your appearance, and provide great motivation to keep going. The changes to your appearance WILL follow, I promise.
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:33 AM   #12
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I don't think it's necessary to 'visualize' yourself at a lower weight. Just do the work in the gym and watch what you eat and you'll get there. Sounds like you have a hang up about visualization, and you don't need to imagine yourself at a lower weight to lose it.
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:44 AM   #13
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You can do this!!! We all have either started where you are, just overcoming it or have overcome it.

As for being as small as your sibling well, if you get focused you might be smaller!!!!! For snotty comments like that it would make me want to Prove them wrong!
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:59 AM   #14
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Hmmm, interesting post. Because I could have written it 7 months ago. I have always been heavier at varying degrees than my younger sister and just resigned myself to the fact that I always will be. My grandmother was never was so bold as to say I would never weigh less than her but at Christmas, because she sometimes forgets names, she wrote my name on a sticky note and next to it said, "The chubby one". Killed me. But instead of letting it defeat me, I used it to give me the kick in the butt I needed to do something about it. And hey, nothing like a little healthy sibling competition in which I was the only person knowing it was one, right?

So here it is.....only 7 months later.....and I am smaller than my sister. Only by a little bit but still.

You CAN visualize being healthier. Just dig deep down inside for that motivation I know you have. You have already lost weight and are well on your way. Don't let your lack of visualization paralyze you emotionally.

Good luck hun.
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Old 06-26-2011, 12:22 PM   #15
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I think visualization is important- at least for me it helps me make an emotional connection to my end goals. However, it doesn't necessarily need to just be about how my body will look. I think about how it will feel to be strong and capable, doing things I love to do. It's your imagination, go to town! I used to imagine myself running, feeling my feet pounding into the ground, smelling the fresh air, seeing the trail rush past me, feeling powerful knowing that I could go as far as I wanted. When I actually am working out I think about the muscles I'm working, and feel them getting stronger. Think about whatever dreams you have for yourself, all the reasons you want to lose weight, and try to see them coming true, feel what it will be like. Seriously take time to think about it. When I first started, I would try to lose weight, but could never really believe that I'd get there. Once I let myself imagine it, the closer I'd let myself get to it. The more I really felt it, the more possible it seemed. I really believe that the mental side of weightloss is just as important as the physical.
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